UK kids are always stabbing each other. But now the problem has been solved. With the resurrection of 'Choose Your Own Adventure' stories! On YouTube! About knife safety! Your mission: Sexxx up the underage girl without getting stabbed. Fun below!

You sorta feel sorry for Leon Panetta. He has no intelligence experience, he's taking control of a dispirited and publicly shamed CIA, and Justice and Obama apparently blindsided him with this investigation business. But on the other hand...

Rev. Gregory Malia, the hero party priest defrocked by the church for being too awesome, is being investigated by Pennsylvania state regulators for insurance fraud at his hemophiliac health care business. Dom P does too thin the blood! [Morning Call]

Financial con man Allen "Mini-Madoff" Stanford slit his own wrists to become "blood brothers" with an Antiguan banking regulator. Stanford's crooked chief financial officer is now doing farm work like some Peace Corps kid, for PR purposes. Everybody is bizarre!

Cops found murdered model Jasmine Fiore's abandoned car and say the blood covering the inside "like finger-painting" shows signs of a definite struggle. [AP]

Today is not a good day for Hassan Nemazee, the banker and Democratic heavyweight who served as finance co-chairman for Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. He's now out on bail following his indictment on bank fraud charges, which is nice. And the terms of his release allow him to remain in his Park Avenue apartment under house arrest, which is good, too. But he can't do very much. He's not allowed to watch TV or use a computer. And making ends meet may be tough for Nemazee now that he's had to put his apartment and weekend home up as collateral, and the judge also prohibited him from applying for any new bank loans or credit cards. But have no fear, Hassan! We have a little workaround for you.

Photographer Zach Hyman keeps NYC wacky—and sexy—by taking pixxx of nude models, in public. Sure, it's all wacky and sexy until the cops show up, and Justin Rocket Silverman has to race the scene.

Dominick Dunne, chronicler of crime, celebrity, and the intersection of the two, has died at 83. Dunne had been suffering from bladder cancer.

Hassan Nemazee, the banker and Democratic mega-fundraiser who was charged yesterday with forging financial documents to get Citibank to give him a $74 million loan, got to leave prison today. And just like Marc Dreier and Bernie Madoff before him, he'll be under house arrest from now on, confined to a $20 million, 14th floor co-op at 770 Park Avenue. The terms of Nemazee's release are pretty strict: The $25 million bail package requires him to pledge his Park Avenue apartment and house in Katonah as collateral; he'll be monitored round the click via electronic bracelet; and the judge also banned him from using computers, the Internet, or getting a new cell phone. (What's he going to do all day? God only knows.) Prosecutors argued for the tough terms because they said Nemazee is a flight risk, and by the looks of it, the judge was inclined to agree. But that's where you come in! The apartment next door to Nemazee's is up for sale. Maybe you want to move in and keep an eye on him? We can't say so for sure, but prosecutors might be willing to cut you a break the next time jury duty rolls around if you step up and perform the valuable service. A couple of pics and a floor plan of Apt. 14B are below.

Either because they wanted conservatives blamed or because of the natural antipathy radical young leftists have for establishment liberals, two anarchists reportedly smashed up the Colorado Democratic party headquarters.

Jackie Kennedy's half-brother James Auchincloss—the JFK Jr.-obsessed one being "investigated" for a huge stash of child porn, remember?—has now been indicted, for all that child porn. The timing could have been better. [Mail Tribune]

Yesterday, we asked: "What's up with Arizona?" And we asked because of Steve Anderson, the Baptist preacher who prays for Jesus to kill the president and thinks gays should get the death penalty.

Bernie Madoff lovah and sexxxy tell-all writer Sheryl Weinstein is dropping more sexxxy bombshells about hot animal love, with Bernie Madoff! Ruth Madoff gets proven more innocent every single day.

The search for Ryan Jenkins, who appeared on VH1's Megan Wants a Millionaire and was later accused of murdering his model wife, Jasmine Fiore, has come to a predictable, disturbing end: he's dead.

South Street Seaport, one of New York's veritable tourist traps/teen tour stops, had itself a fatal shooting last night when a wild melee broke out on a party boat. Is New York gritty again, again? [NY Post, image via Getty.]

An international manhunt is on for Ryan Alexander Jenkins of the VH-1 reality show Megan Wants a Millionaire after he was charged today in the murder of his ex-wife, whose body was found stuffed inside of a dumpster on Saturday.

New York has its subway flashers; in Oakland, the pervs are airborne. Witness the large fellow just arrested for exposing himself and rampaging through the cabin of a flight bound for Las Vegas.

A Seattle woman has accused magician David Copperfield of luring her to his remote private island in the Caribbean, raping her repeatedly, and threatening to kill her if she told anyone. Her complaint reads like a horrifying pulp novel.

Computer hackers and the perpetrators of securities fraud are having quite a moment, aren't they? This week, the man behind the largest computer hacking case in U.S. history, Albert Gonzalez, was taken into custody and he now finds himself in a (computer-less) jail cell in Brooklyn facing charges he made off with 135 million credit and debit card numbers. And we certainly don't have to tell you that 2009 as been a banner year for fraudsters armed with all any number of financial schemes designed to line their pockets and empty your own. But can you tell the difference between a computer hacker and fraudster just by looking at them? And could you differentiate a rogue techie and evil financial genius from a garden variety pedophile? It's harder than it looks! Below you'll find a sampling of mugshots of men who have been arrested for one of the three crimes. It's up to you to tell them apart. Good luck!

On Saturday in Southern California a suitcase was discovered inside of a trash receptacle with a corpse stuffed inside. The deceased has been identified as model/stripper/Playboy representative Jasmine Fiore, and her reality star husband is currently on the run.