We all agree that "sexting" is one of the great moral perils of our age. So Dubai's decision to jail two airline staffers for three months for salacious sexting is a good sign. But sometimes Dubai goes too far.

Tonight was the series premiere of Justified, a new crime drama on the FX Network. Expectations were high due to the network's past success and its star, Deadwood's Timothy Olyphant. Unfortunately, it was kind of disappointing.

Hiram Monserrate: still a tremendous asshole.

Edgy NYC is back! A five year-old child's Lamborghini-bedecked birthday party in Queens was shot up yesterday. A homeless guy punched a 91 year-old female Rite Aid cashier during a robbery. And a 99 year-old man was beaten with a steering wheel lock in an argument over a parking space. Awesome! Now if we can just get some violent junkies back in Tompkins Square Park, we'll all be edgier by osmosis.
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The theft of 120 boxes of "almond tarts, punch rolls, apple crowns, and brownies" in Sweden has been attributed to members of Europe's Black Cobra crime ring. After a series of raids, officials confiscated hundreds of cakes.

An Apple Store staffer said she was choked by Richard Belzer. The Law & Order star, meanwhile, says he just touched the employee's shoulders to get her attention. Plus she's a crazy person who kept him waiting.

Bad news guys. There's just been a huge marijuana bust in New Jersey, the biggest of its kind in the state's history. Also? The police are onto your whole "drugged driving" thing.

Also in bleak news today: Douglas Schantz—the energy executive who disappeared after drinking on Bourbon Street early Friday morning—has been found, dead, in a river.

A janitor at Ohio State University was told that he'd be getting laid off. This morning, he shot two of his supervisors, killing one. Then he killed himself. Since no students were hurt, this incident will be quickly forgotten. [LAT]

Click to viewThe funny thing about this clip (from the upcoming season premiere) of South Park's Eric Cartmen asking for, and receiving, 500 AK-47s, is that it is based on a real thing that Blackwater did in Afghanistan.

Sadly, Robert Halderman, the CBS News producer who allegedly tried to blackmail David Letterman out of $2 million, will plead guilty today in exchange for an (extremely light) six month sentence. And the trial would have been so much fun!

A third NYPD officer has been arrested for his role in last month's heist of a New Jersey perfume factory. Or, as we prefer to call it, "The Worst Fucking Heist Ever." Don't rogue cops even watch movies?

Police arrested Andrew Grande (porn name Dustin Michaels) with a bag of weed in his possession, which he apparently tried to swallow. When he resisted arrest, they tased him, and he choked on the bag. A reality cameraman filmed it.

Emma Charlton pretended she had terminal cancer and was the editor of Vogue. Before that, she used the name Golightly and operated a gold-digging scam. Now, she will go to jail for defrauding her fiance and grandmother, among others.

Panic swept over Berlin's Grand Hyatt today when a group of burglars carrying Kalashnikov assault rifles waltzed into a European Poker Tour tournament and made off with $1.2 million, before a live television broadcast. UPDATED

Hisham Talaat Mustafa, a billionaire Egyptian real estate tycoon, was sentenced to death last year for paying a hit man to murder his Lebanese pop star girlfriend, Suzanne Tamim. Luckily, someone's remembered that he's a billionaire. Let that man go!

Rapper Lil Wayne won't be spending the night at Rikers. A fire at the Manhattan Criminal Court building on Centre Street this morning bought him (another!) temporary reprieve from jail.

A judge ruled yesterday that if you invested with Bernie Madoff, but withdrew all the money you invested, you didn't actually "lose" money, regardless of the fictional account balance Madoff presented you. Take one guess who disagrees with this.

Kings County DA Charles Hynes says "no criminality has been found" after his investigation into ACORN. Earlier reports from the former Massachusetts DA ACORN hired to investigate themselves and the Congressional Research Office also found no evidence of law-breaking.

America's prisons will soon be full of outlaw podiatrists — calloused, hardened criminals. The New Yorker examines wide-ranging negligence and fraud cases in Manhattan and reveals that one podiatrist in Chicago is also on death row.