Attention, bank robbers: if you're trying to rob a Chase branch, and the bank teller just walks away from you rudely, don't be offended—they're just following company policy! Incorporate this knowledge in your future robbery plans. [Daily Intel; Pic]

An Indiana police officer told 21-year-old Demetrius Russ to pull up his damn pants. "You can't ask me for shit," Russ replied, saying he was "just swagging." After a discussion about his genitals, Russ was arrested.

Snooki pleaded not guilty to creating a "creating a public nuisance" today. Not guilty? Really?

Uh oh, the mop-tops are on the loose and they are committing crimes! The Smoking Gun has compiled a children's treasury of perps arrested for various crimes — from drive-bys to simple larceny — who all sport Justin Bieber 'dos.

This is Michael Kevin Lallana of Fullerton, California, a 31-year-old financial representative at Northwestern Mutual Financial Network. He is also, according to the Orange County District Attorney, a sex offender who put his semen in a co-worker's water bottle. Gross.

The verdict's in on Illinois ex-governor Rod Blagojevich: he's guilty of one count of lying to the FBI. The jury deadlocked on 23 other counts. He faces up to five years in jail, a $250,000 fine, and a retrial.

Meet Dominick Christian Thayer, an Oklahoma City resident who only loves five things: Gold paint, RC Cola, Chili's (the dining establishment, of course), stealing trucks, and "wearing shorts that expose his genitals and buttocks."

A Florida man was arrested for twice "friending" his estranged wife on Facebook in violation of a domestic protection order. So not worth it. And there's no way she'd "friend" back given what the guy wrote on his wall.

Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, the guy on Jersey Shore who isn't the Situation or Paulie D or the other guy, was arrested on Sunday over unpaid parking tickets. He was released while I was in the middle of writing a protest ballad.

Boston University medical student Philip Markoff allegedly killed an escort he hired through Craigslist and robbed a couple more. Days after he was arrested on April 20, 2009, he was placed on suicide watch. He killed himself in jail today.

Wednesday, police arrested 33 year-old Elias Abuelazam as he boarded a plane bound for Tel Aviv. They say he's the serial killer who attacked and stabbed nearly 20 victims, most in Michigan. Below, what we know about him so far.

Ute Linhart (pictured) was waiting in the 28th street R train station platform Wednesday night when a crazy man pushed her into the path of an oncoming train. She suffered serious injuries, but survived. Is this good PR, or what?

Diana Williamson, a prominent 54 year-old AIDS doctor in Harlem, has been charged with fraudulently prescribing nearly $1 million in oxycodone pills in an illegal drug scheme. To be fair, she announced her stance on this years ago.

Police have identified the serial killer suspect arrested on a plane yesterday as Elias Abeulazam.

Felipe Domingues, a 23-year-old Upper East Side dog walker is suspected of stealing $90,000 worth of jewels from his wealthy clients' homes. The Brazilian native is being held in jail by immigration. Talk about screwing the pooch! [Image: Shutterstock]

Police yesterday arrested a man suspected of being the serial killer who's attacked 20 victims in Michigan, Ohio, and Virginia, killing five. The suspect worked at a party store, and was reportedly "really flirty with the ladies." [Pic: AP]

We hug them, we kiss them, we put our children in their arms. Who are the strange people in the furry costumes at Disney World, and are they pervs? After Donald Duck grabbed her boob, a 27-year-old is suing Disney.

Steven Slater—the JetBlue flight attendant who became a national treasure by quitting his job in a blaze of pissed-off, flamboyantly gay glory—has broken his silence. All the latest details on our hero and his plight.

A serial killer is on the loose in Flint, Michigan. (He also may be racist.)

Steven Slater—the JetBlue flight attendant who walked off the job via inflatable slide and was arrested by the cops yesterday mid-embrace with his boyfriend—is a free man tonight after coming up with his $2,500 bail.