A lawsuit out of the Atlanta suburb of Sandy Springs is raising the question of whether the Constitution of these here United States protects the right to sell sex toys. Keep your Rabbits close, folks, because the answer isn't completely clear.

A Nevada man is suing the city of Henderson and its police under the rarely-used Third Amendment, claiming that they unconstitutionally arrested him for obstruction of justice when he refused to let them commandeer his home.

What do you do when your party's base is made up of scared old white people who believe that the president is a traitor? You never, ever, ever correct them, and you talk a lot about God. Take Mitt Romney's example!

Most of the big banks have kept quiet after President Obama controversially recess-appointed Richard Cordray to his throne atop Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. We still don't know how much this new bureaucracy will annoy the banks, but one can assume they were just fine with the previous arrangement, in which congressional procedural gimmicks were used to block it from ever taking formation. But then yesterday, something wonderful happened: Citigroup's lobbyist chimed in with a passive-aggressive blog post about the whole issue!

Last week the U.S. Senate passed 93-7 a version of the National Defense Authorization Act that includes provisions giving the military the right to detain you forever and without charge if they think you're some kind of terrorist. Consider it an early holiday present! There is no exchange policy, sorry.

A small town in Alabama is offering non-violent offenders the choice between doing prison time and paying a fine, or working their sentence off by going to church every week.

Last we checked with Herman Cain, pizza magnate Republican presidential candidate, his campaign was falling apart amidst internal accusations of "affairs, homosexuality and professional misconduct." But like a deep-dish phoenix rising from the ashes of a brick oven, Cain is back with a bold message: No mosques!

Prominent legal scholars, along with many bloggers with no legal training whatsoever, recently have been floating the possibility that if a deal isn't struck to raise the federal debt ceiling before Treasury's August 2 deadline, then the Obama administration should use a clause in the 14th Amendment to declare the debt ceiling itself unconstitutional and continue to issue debt as usual. An interesting idea! But the Obama administration now appears to have taken this "constitutional option" off the table.

The Republican party's ability to spontaneously organize around anything, just to show that they can, is a thing of beauty. President Obama wants a few hundred billion dollars in revenue increases to go along the $2 trillion in cuts that you want? Don't give in a cent, walk out, let the president excoriate you, and then get your entire 47-member Senate caucus to demand a comical balanced budget constitutional amendment as part of a debt-ceiling agreement, too.

Sarah Palin's big Tour de Grift doesn't kick off until Sunday, but you can watch a mediocre 52-second YouTube about it right now! Watch as her slaves prep the bus, decorating it with stock photos of the Constitution and flags and mountains. Palin narrates some gibberish about the Constitution. An artist's rendering of George Washington is shown. Then some more stuff about the Constitution, etc.

The federal government is working on new nutrition regulations for federally subsidized school lunch programs, meaning certain food industries will be waging all-out fights to protect their streams of revenue. This is not surprising in any way! Unfortunately, there's nothing in the Constitution protecting the potato industry's right to federal money, as Michele Bachmann wants the fight to be framed.

Well, well, well. Here we all were, excited for today's unabridged, complete reading of the Constitution on the House floor. But it's not going to happen: All of the original language preserving slavery (the good stuff) will be cut. Boo!

House Republicans are preparing their schedule for the opening days of the new Congress. First up: reading the entire Constitution on the House floor. The text is impossible to find anywhere, so thanks, House Republicans. Freedom!

As you may have heard, the Republican party simply does not care for Barack Obama's health care law. And yet it's still a law! How is this fair? It's not. Time to introduce a constitutional amendment banning, uh, laws, then.

Tea Party Caucus founder Rep. Michele Bachmann has been planning a weekly course on the Constitution for new members of Congress, many of whom ran on their rich constitutional knowledge. And her first guest professor? Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.

Henry E. Hudson, the federal judge in Virginia who just ruled health care reform unconstitutional, owns between $15,000 and $50,000 in a GOP political consulting firm that worked against health care reform. You don't say!

"Debate Madness Week" continued this morning with another battle between Delaware's Christine O'Donnell and Chris Coons. Coons only had to recite the damn First Amendment to O'Donnell, to prove that religious freedom is established within it. O'Donnell still looked skeptical!

Twenty-six major amendments to the Turkish constitution were approved by voters 58-42, bringing the country closer to EU membership.

Hmm, how should a nation square its mainstream prejudice against Muslims with that damn "freedom of religion" right in the Constitution? Tennessee Lieutenant Gov. Ron Ramsey, currently running for governor, suggests that maybe they're not a "religion" anyway! Perfect.

A year-old, incorrect story about Barack Obama "canceling" the National Day of Prayer made the rounds today. Meanwhile, in reality, Obama's Justice Department was defending the Day of Prayer to a U.S. District Court that just ruled it unconstitutional.