Whether or not you see footage of rats running freely in New York's favorite Italian restaurant Da Silvano on the T.V. later this week—probably Wednesday!—depends on the backroom legal maneuvering of lawyer and general fixer Eddie Hayes. Rats, despite the popularity of Ratatouille, generally tend to be bad for business. And Fox News would like nothing more than to wound Da Silvano, a "stronghold of the cultural left," says Hayes. But the same liberal media mafia that (supposedly!) made Silvano Marchetto a target just might be his salvation.

From the mailbag: "You may or may not care to know that [New York Times reporter] David Carr was the guest speaker at NYU's J-school orientation today. He was charming in an old-guy-who-references-Clap-Your-Hands-Say-Yeah sort of way and delivered an optimistic spiel about sticking it to the old guard and shaping the future of media. Needless to say, the kids ate it up. As for me, I began to rethink grad school entirely. I thought I was here so that I could eventually get paid a ridiculous sum to write mindless blurbs for Conde Nast mags. Everyone else was so damn earnest. What the hell? For a moment I wondered if maybe my priorities weren't in order, but then I squashed it and started to think about which one of my classmates I'm going to sleep with this semester." Maybe the kids are alright!

Very slight forward movement on a recent blind item: Remember gossipboy Ben Widdicombe's "Which very senior Manhattan media executive looks like he might be about to go public with that office affair everyone has been talking about?" Well, think Conde Nast. That's as far as we've gotten—but we're not letting this one go.

"I was the diphallic Conde Nast bloke chatting you up - 29" [Craigslist]

Today endlessly irksome media columnist Jon Friedman writes: "It's still hard to believe that a monthly, which has published a total of two issues, can seem so important. Yet Portfolio has taken on the aura of a big-budget Hollywood production, where pandemonium appears to be everywhere. Unfortunately, the magazine raises comparisons with "Heaven's Gate" and "Gigli." ("Do you even remember the latter's plot line?" Friedman asks. Sadly, some people do.) Friedman trots out Portfolio's publisher David Carey and Conde publicist Perri Dorset to dismiss the hubbub and claim that everyone's just talking about their stories. And, for real? It's "hard to believe" that this magazine—for which Conde Nast crowed about spending $100 million and poached nearly every business journalist with a pulse and maybe one standout clip—"can seem so important"?

The new Portfolio hits the racks today. Before we get to the actual magazine, you'll have to console yourself with gossip about Portfolio, most of it centered around EIC Joanne Lipman's recent firing of second-in-command Jim Impoco. The Observer and the Post, obviously suckling at the teat of different sources, bring you the different perspectives.

From the mailbag: "honestly, i hate to even egg these girls on, but i just saw lauren conrad and the other blonde girl from 'the hills' and a brunette one as well, in the elevator at conde. they were all talking about paparazzi, of course. got off on the teen vogue floor where a camera crew was waiting. gag."

Late Friday, former Times reporter Kurt Eichenwald bailed out of Portfolio. The magazine's second issue arrives this week. We can only guess at Eichenwald's motivations, but it certainly came hot on the heels of the firing of Jim Impoco, the mag's non-lapdog deputy editor who dared to disagree with editor Joane Lipman. Who's going next? Weirdly, a number of people have called or emailed us to ask us what we think will happen in the long run, as if we know anything. Our prediction: Lipman goes jobless just before Christmas, but the mag doesn't fold. Because it shouldn't. If someone could actually edit it, and stop second-guessing every single story, it could be just dandy. Random bonus prediction: Before Labor Day, Lipman disposes of a key staffer. Better-informed speculation than ours welcome. [NYO]

Who put the itching powder in media companies' Web 2.0-buying jocks? Well, Rupert Murdoch, obviously. Ever since he slurped up MySpace for what now looks like a song, everyone else is trying to find a bargain. Condé Nast bought Wired.com and then Reddit, Forbes just picked up Clipmarks, and now it looks like the Hearst Corporation is adding social shopping network Kaboodle to its kit. Sure, Hearst might be trying to inject some social-networking mojo into its readership, but we suspect this deal is more about pulling the rug out from under Condé Nast's competing portfolio of travel and fashion websites, which use Kaboodle's technology. Such macho posturing over such girly pursuits. Well, whatever scratches your itch, guys.

What kind of Conde Nast magazine editor fires her number two, just as the magazine is about to go monthly? The Joanne Lipman kind! The Portfolio staff, we hear, are pissed about the loss of Jim Impoco. He's probably not too thrilled either. No one returned calls, etc. [NYO]

Rocco DiSpirito, former celebrity chef and now TV dinner spokesmodel, is the guest chef at the Conde Nast cafe today! Will he wear a hairnet? Will he make old-lady grunts while he ladles out the slop? Your first person accounts requested! Bonus points to anyone who nails him in a broom closet. Or to a broom, in a closet! No no, no violence. Just pity. [Eater]

The bizarre Gawker colonization of (or assimilation by!) New York magazine continues. Following in the footsteps of founding editor Elizabeth Spiers, who spent a year at the magazine, and her former Gawker co-editor Jesse Oxfeld, who was recently booted upstairs to the position of senior editor, Jessica Coen, most lately of Vanity Fair's website, is taking a position as New York Senior News Editor, managing their ever-growing online presence. (Forty-something staff and growing!)

The second issue of Conde Nast's Portofolio - coming soon! - features a minor redesign in the front of the book. Oh, yeah, and EIC Joanne Lipman is totally not trying to poach staff from other Conde titles without permission. [WWD]

Portfolio tech blogger Kevin Maney resumes posting after week-long bout of bugs, drinking. [Portfolio.com]

Today Con Ed has issued an "energy conservation" alert for all five boroughs and Westchester County, which means it's really freaking hot out. But some parts of the city, like Times Square (so many flashing lights!), are of course being hit harder than others. And pity the poor journalists and magazine-types who have to actually work there, not just gawk at really big billboards and stand outside the TRL studio. We hear that Condé Nast, at least, is complying with the edict by turning the A/C to a higher temperature and dimming the lights at 4 Times Square, leaving staffers even more in the dark than they usually are.

Earlier today, we heard that the only people crying when Jane folded were the two interns who were being filmed for a show on the SoapNet channel. Too bad the impending fame of television couldn't save the magazine! (Didn't Teen Vogue's circulation jump after The Hills? Then again, SoapNet is hardly MTV.) Anyway! The Fashionista Diaries starts August 1, and if this preview is any indication, it's probably no surprise that Condé Nast execs weren't banking on the show for any circ increases. "Your jobs are going to require a lot of schlepping," former Jane editor Stephanie Trong says in her best Miranda Priestley imitation. Ooh, scary!

From the mailbag comes a tale of what goes down when a gaggle of women's magazine staffers simultaneously find out that their magazine is going down the tubes:

Jane staffers actually are clearing their desks already. And Conde won't even be shipping the 90%-complete latest issue. This is after Conde spent a bundle on not one but two redesigns. When they're ready to kill a mag, they do it.

It's been two months since Conde Nast floated its first very expensive issue of Portfolio. Soon, the closing begins on the second issue. So how's it going? "It's demoralizing to work for a magazine that has such a high profile pre-launch, incredible hype about the money they're spending, and great names," said one person familiar with the workings and friendly with the staff of the magazine. "Then they come out with an issue that everybody slams. It was such a profound misfire that you'd have to think that everybody there doesn't know what kind of magazine they need to do."

Today's Keith Kelly column reports about the decent doings of Ron Galotti, the former Conde Nast exec about who it is illegal to write without mentioning that he was the "real-life model for the fiction Mr. Big" in "Sex and the City." Ron's been on a rural kick of late, and the paper provides a shot of our man astride one of his recently-acquired steeds. The caption needs a little work, though. Here are our suggestions, let's see yours.