In his memo yesterday, Conde Nast CEO Chuck Townsend told the company's employees that "difficult decisions" are coming. How bad could Conde's 2009 really be? Catastrophic, potentially.

Things are not looking up at Condé Nast, the publishing conglomerate controlled by shadowy billionaire Si Newhouse. Yesterday, Chuck Townsend, the company's CEO, sent around a memo warning that "difficult decisions" would have to be made "to ensure our financial well-being," and insiders suggest a big budget cut is imminent. What to do? Well, here's one way to start: Si Newhouse and his nephew Steve should really have their assistants fill out the forms so they get the unclaimed funds in their names returned to them by the New York State Office of the Comptroller. Uncashed checks, stock dividends, credit balances: There could be a fortune there! Or, at the very least, enough to save the job of a lowly assistant or two. After the jump, a list of what Si and Steve are owed by American Express, Aetna Health, the State of Louisiana, Tiffany & Co., and a handful of banks.

Condé Nast advertising is down a terrifying 30 percent this year, leading to speculation a bunch more people will be fired. Condé's CEO reassured everyone that, yes, they could be fired.

Bon Appetit and Gourmet are both Conde Nast-owned food magazines with similar reader demographics and ad rates. They're both equally popular among Gawker readers. They're both troubled. Why does Conde need both?

Condé Nast is "having the worst year of any publisher," or so a "rival executive" tells Keith Kelly today. The facts pretty much speak for themselves, though: While there's been a 24 percent drop-off in ad pages industry-wide, the Joanne Lipman-edited trainwreck otherwise known as Portfolio is down 60 percent, and Wired has seen its ad pages plummet 57 percent. Any good news? Why, yes, there most certainly is. Golf World is doing quite nicely these days, you'll be happy to hear. [NYP]

In the magazine industry, Condé Nast has suffered the most this year. And within Condé Nast, Portfolio is at absolute rock bottom. It's getting damned hard to see how the magazine survives.

• CBS reports that profits plunged 52 percent last quarter. [Variety]
• The editor of the Post is defending the chimp cartoon in yesterday's paper; meanwhile, Al Sharpton led a protest outside News Corp. today. [E&P, WCBS]
• Despite the horrible reviews, the second-season premiere of Bravo's Real Housewives of New York City on Tuesday set a high for the series. [THR]
• Chris Mitchell has been named the publisher of Conde Nast Traveler. [MW]
• Conan O'Brien will conclude his 16-year Late Night run on Friday. Then it's off to LA to take over for Jay Leno as host of the Tonight Show. [NYT]

In your should-be-a-vacation-day Monday media column: Sam Donaldson's retiring, the Obama administration's hiring (reporters!), Bloomberg is tiring (financially!), and Conde Nast is still Wired-ing!

Just as we try shattering everyone's hopes about landing that editorial dream job, mythical Vogue editor Anna Wintour goes looking for some new assistants! This is the launching pad to success, right? Ha.

In your fiery Friday media column: The Post has a bad cover day, Chuck Todd is mad as hell and can't take it any more, a reporter makes the grave mistake of believing the internet, and more!

• Bravo is producing a reality series about New York City private school kids. Not surprisingly, it's being dubbed as "the real-life Gossip Girl." [B&C]
• Walter Anderson is stepping down as chairman and CEO of Parade. Richard Beckman has been mentioned as a possible replacement. [NYP]
• The recession has led more TV stations to accept liquor and sex ads. [LAT]
• Fox is testing out shorter commercial breaks. [NYT]
• Sirius XM is closer to a deal with satellite mogul Charles Ergen. [WSJ]
• Google is quitting the radio business. [AdWeek]
• Condé Nast has pulled the plug on a Japanese version of Glamour. [WWD]

Parade magazine may be "highly profitable," but it's apparently considered so downscale within Si Newhouse's magazine empire that merely being considered for a job there is a bad omen.

Conde Nast's home shopping magazine Domino folded last month. Here, photos of their magazine death party, at the apartment of editor Deborah Needleman. Note the bottles of Stella, the official beverage of magazine closings. Sad.

In your risible Thursday media column: a new New Yorker publisher, Time Out NY cuts pay (with a pizza party!), Laurel Touby Twitters, and more:

In the past 24 hours, more than 8,000 of you voted on which Conde Nast magazine most deserves to live. You care, you really care! Your full results—and what they mean—below:

• Lionsgate and the Weinstein Co. filed lawsuits against each other yesterday over distribution rights to the Sundance hit film Push. [THR]
• Shake up at Condé Nast: New Yorker publisher Drew Schutte is out and will be replaced by Condé Nast Traveler publisher Lisa Hughes. [NYP]
• The New York Times Co. is cutting staff at its About.com unit. [Reuters]
• Walter Isaacson has a few thoughts on how to save newspapers. [Time]
• The House has voted to extend the deadline to switch to digital TV. [NYT]
• Katie Couric will be hitting the catwalk during Fashion Week. Yay. [WWD]

Reminder: voting for our poll "Which Conde Nast Magazine Most Deserves to Live?" closes at noon today. You'll have no chance for a sweet free subscription to your favorite unless you vote now! [VOTE]

What's this—rumors of more magazine death at Conde Nast? We've had enough. It's time to act. Vote on which teetering Conde mag you want to save, and we'll buy ten subscriptions to the winner.

• More magazine closures may be on the way at Condé Nast. [NYO]
• Time Warner posted a fourth-quarter loss of $16 billion. [AP]
• Bill Keller says there are "deadly serious" discussions taking place at the New York Times about charging for access to the paper's website. [E&P]
• Obama campaign manager David Plouffe has signed a seven-figure deal with Viking to write a book about last year's presidential election. [AP]
• Thanks to Ron Burkle, Wal-Mart customers can no longer pick up copies of magazines like People, Sports Illustrated and Time. [NYP]
• Jonathan Wald is leaving CNBC. [CNBC]
• Ticketmaster and concert promoter Live Nation are close to a merger. [WSJ]

The good news: Details staffers were just told that they're moving out of their second class offices on Third Avenue into the big time, Conde Nast headquarters at 4 Times Square! The bad news: