Drew Magary worked in advertising for ten years. SAD MEN is a series of stories from his time in the industry.

Looks like Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are pulling a sort of Joaquin Phoenix I'm Not There thing, but with way more Smartwater. The couple are currently working on a short film parodying Aniston's life, rife with frenzied paparazzi, hushed will she or won't she baby rumors, and all the general "tabloid interest in Jennifer's life." Que cinematique!

TV networks are pissed about a new DVR that can automatically skip over all ads in recorded content, no fast-forwarding necessary. Ha, fuck them, right? Fuck TV ads, right? Okay, well. I hope you love product placement and want to marry it.

No one seems to know why the Mary J. Blige Burger King commercial above has been scrubbed from the internet. We spoke with someone who worked on it (he didn't know). We reached out to Burger King for a comment and have yet to hear back.

A possibly (hopefully) real scene list from an Axe commercial is making its way around twitter today, and it is exactly what you would expect an Axe scene list to be. This thing is full of treasures like hot dog milfs, cut off shorts and "hip/cool/sexy/upscale bar patrons," among other very LOL things.

Notoriously proud to be from da block J. Lo is the new spokesperson for Fiat, and she's been flashing the car every which way recently. But it seems she pulled the hooded sweatshirt over our eyes!

Darren Aronofsky, director of feature-length anti-drug PSA Requiem for a Dream, is finally focusing his creative energy on that which he was born to do: Terrorizing children in 30-second increments, with the goal of discouraging drug use.

Turns out Lindsay Lohan shot not one but two commercials in her living room during house arrest. (Gotta pay those legal and therapy bills somehow.) This new one features an off-brand muppet making fun of LiLo's necklace-stealing ways.

Just because Lindsay Lohan is under house arrest doesn't mean that she still can't earn a paycheck. The Hollywood cockroach just made a nice bit of cash for filming a commercial for a silly website in her living room.

Praise be the gods, our long national nightmare of peace and quiet is over. After firing Gilbert Gottfried from his job voicing Aflac's screaming spokes-duck, the insurance company has completed its national search for a less offensive replacement. The winner is a sales manager from Hugo, Minnesota (population: 13,000) named Daniel McKeague. Congratulations, Daniel. We can't wait to scramble for the mute button every time your bone-chilling squawk comes on TV.

The Achilles Effect, a blog about gender stereotypes and masculinity, took stock of the frequency with which certain words are used in commercials for "gendered" toys like Hot Wheels and Bratz by making Wordle word clouds. See if you can guess which cloud goes with which gender! (Hint: Boys hate friendship, fun and glitter.) [Achilles Effect via Boing Boing]

Ever since Larry King departed CNN, the talk show legend has had a hard time finding things to fill his time—which is probably why he (and wife Shawn) agreed to shill for BreathGemz in this classically cheesy infomercial. [AdAge]

This incredible ad for a new Japanese cell phone plays J.S. Bach's "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" on a gigantic, wooden Rube Goldberg-esque xylophone contraption. Perhaps the best part is the phone is called the "Touch Wood". Win!

Today, Republicans tried their hand at comedy with this Obama 2012 ad, steeped in sarcasm and showcasing pictures of him singing with the Jonas brothers. Perhaps the crowning moment is when tiny, animated Obama rides a unicorn over a rainbow.

Denny's has launched "Baconalia," a celebration of "baconian delights" that feature bacon meatloaf, a bacon sampler, and if you don't suffer from congestive heart failure before dessert, a maple bacon sundae. I hope, like the commercial, it also rains tiny bacon bits and bacon streamers on you while you eat.

This is a recent ad by the CAGW. According to them, if we stay our current course, 19 years from now the United States will be owned by China. America will fall like the Roman Empire and we'll all work exclusively for the Chinese. Really?

This new viral campaign for Skittles asks you not to taste the rainbow, but to touch your screen. At first, it's pretty adorable—kittens are involved!—but then, the crazy comes out. Yuck!

Get reacquainted with Serena Williams seen here as the World's Sexiest Tennis Player whether you agree or not. Skin-tight clothes, spiky bracelets and provocative body shots never let this campaign get off the ground.

Kristen Schaal's blend of nerdy charm and subtle insanity make her a terrific smartphone spokesperson, as evidenced by these amazing Sony Ericsson commercials. No one would need DVR to fast-forward through commercial breaks if Kristen Schaal were in every advertisement!

YouTube user TomSka can't catch a break, he's only trying to update his school's image. But Lincoln University doesn't appear to be amused because they won't use his advertisements. What's so wrong with appealing to the zombies of the world?