Praise be the gods, our long national nightmare of peace and quiet is over. After firing Gilbert Gottfried from his job voicing Aflac's screaming spokes-duck, the insurance company has completed its national search for a less offensive replacement. The winner is a sales manager from Hugo, Minnesota (population: 13,000) named Daniel McKeague. Congratulations, Daniel. We can't wait to scramble for the mute button every time your bone-chilling squawk comes on TV.

For those of you keeping score, Aflac just performed the quack-quack-seat-back of PR crisis management: After appeasing customers by firing Gottfried, they hurled themselves back up the "lovable brand building" ladder with this ostentatiously adorable voiceover contest. And you know what the worst part is? Daniel McKeague is pretty adorable. And just like that, I have been sucked into some stupid marketing ploy at the hands of a faceless insurance corporation. Sigh. (Quack.)