Only the ex-governor knows what's right for New York (as the next comptroller?), and he's going to prove it this weekend at the red carpet event for the film about him, and in interviews with his former madame. [Politico]

We've missed the Birthers. They put the "crazy" in "Democrazy". Without them, we've had to confront the actually scary lunacy of the gun nuts and the Tea Party. But now birthers back with new wacky schemes and characters. Woooo!

Fortune Magazine just posted an interview with America's favorite hooker-loving ex-governor, Eliot Spitzer. He wants to stage a comeback. Now the question is: How long before we start getting the mailers?

Douche classic Aleksey Vayner is attending the ROFLCON conference at MIT in April. Send pics.

Billionaire Richard Lugner—Austria's prince of nouveau riche—pays an estimated $150K each year for a celebrity escort to the Vienna Opera Ball. Lindsay Lohan landed this year's gig—but apparently bungled the details so badly, Lugner said das fuggedaboudit.

They say spring is the season of rebirth. How come everyone is trying to stage comebacks right now, then? So many high profile turnarounds are in the works: Mel Gibson, Michael Vick, butt rashes and more. Who will succeed?

Mel Gibson — the spasming and scandal-ridden one-time movie star — is poised to debut his first starring-role movie in eight years. Articles are being written about a Comeback! The questions is, do we really want Mel Gibson back?

You may want to be seated as we deliver this news: Arthur Kade, the internet's biggest vagina, had a near-death experience yesterday. But as one fameball wavers on the precipice, another fameball friend could soon make her return!

The Brits at the BBC checked in on the Silicon Valley economy, and found this horrific scene: People quitting perfectly good jobs and investing perfectly good money under the delusion that boom times are here again. Ouch.

"I probably need to gain about 30 pounds," Steve Jobs told the New York Times after his return to public life yesterday. Might as well concede the obvious if investors are looking for unexpected physical weakness.

In the end, Steve Jobs didn't have much to announce in San Francisco today — a new iPod Nano with a videocamera, a faster iPod Touch. But the Apple CEO knew he needed to show his face, and he did.

Former Lehman Bros. CEO "Dick" Fuld, the Big Villain of All Financial Villains—what's he up to these days? A Reuters reporter trailed him to his remote Idaho hideaway to find out!

Eliot Spitzer may not need Twitter, because he has the NY Post keeping him in the limelight. The paper claims the former luv guv wants to run for office, but sources say it won't happen. Still, anything for that headline.

UK kids are always stabbing each other. But now the problem has been solved. With the resurrection of 'Choose Your Own Adventure' stories! On YouTube! About knife safety! Your mission: Sexxx up the underage girl without getting stabbed. Fun below!

Fake reporter Jayson Blair! Did you know he was once a professional Amazon bookseller? It's true! And what is he doing these days? A reasonable guess would be, "Something involving drugs and shattered lives," and that would be totally correct.

Huge infusions of money would seem to have helped Tesla Motors: the electric-car startup has escaped a bitter lawsuit from founder Martin Eberhard and finally sited a power-train factory — and that's just this week. But other fights loom.

Henry Blodget was a famous Merrill Lynch analyst who got rich by hyping internet stocks in the 1990s until Eliot Spitzer caught him lying. Then Eliot Spitzer got caught choking hookers, and now they're hanging out on the internet together.

Is that good or bad? We just don't know anymore in this topsy-turvy world of bailouts and bonuses and government ownership of corporate monsters. But whatever—AIG pulled in a cool $1.8 billion last quarter.

Eliot Spitzer always felt most comfortable as an outsider crusading against entrenched interests. He felt second-most-comfortable wearing black socks and screwing hookers bareback while choking them. Two is over, but Goldman Sachs' gluttony offers him another shot at Number One.

No, of course it's not too soon! Marshall "Mark" Sanford's abject, prostrate confession this afternoon was wrenching to watch, and has already inspired some outbursts of much-needed sympathy from the punditocracy. It's best to be prepared for a backlash.