A student at Fresno State University who was reportedly stressed out (and also drunk) was discovered by police with his pants down fucking a sheep on Tuesday. He had been ratted out by a fellow student when she heard "strange noises" coming from the Fresno Sheep Unit.

A new study says that reports on "hook-up culture" have been exaggerated. Although college-aged people aren't having more sex than their predecessors, they're more likely to do so with a casual partner, and the phrase "hook up" is more likely to be used to describe it. Hook-up culture is dead, long live hook-up culture.

Fox News' "America's Election HQ" website published one of those "wacky coincidence" stories yesterday that will make you want to take a cold shower or seven after reading: A student at George Washington University committed suicide yesterday, just as President Obama was giving his major deficit-reduction speech at another campus building. Not that there was anything linking the events, but apparently it was enough of a nutty coincidence for Fox News to make note of it as important political news. Ick.

Evanston, Illinois, the home of Northwestern University, plans to start enforcing a "brothel law" that prevents more than three unrelated people from sharing a house or apartment. Why would they bother? To cut down on college parties, of course.

The New York Times has taken upon itself the responsibilities of in loco parentis. Or maybe, in loco retardis, because the New York tips they're publishing for new college arrivals are WOW IDIOTIC. "Don't try to swim in the rivers. Drownings are all too common" for one. There's a reason people die like this; it's called God's vengeance. Also: "Don't spend money on condoms. The city gives them away" for another. Yeah, at the gay bathhouse. But to the Metro section's credit, over on the Metro blog, all the Times commenters have much worse advice—except for one.