Too bad it is little more than saying "y'all" and mentioning eating grits for breakfast. As a proud Southern gentlemen, Stephen Colbert finds this about as hard to abide as anything else in Romney's campaign.
Herman Cain may have dropped out of the Republican primary race but that doesn't mean he's gone quietly into the night. In fact, he's released a new anti-stimulus spot that may or may not have resulted in the death of a goldfish. It's a harrowing and nightmarish vision, some are even calling it "political avant-garde." Not to be outdone, Colbert unveiled his own avant-garde, which is a real winner.
In preparation for last night's Super Tuesday contests, Stephen Colbert had created the 'countdown to loving Mitt' based on the assumption that Romney would be the presumptive nominee after the votes were counted. Since that wasn't the case, on tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen was able to reset the clock but not before panicking in much the same way many Republican voters seem to be panicking.
"Welding, amirite?" You are, Stephen.
On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert addressed Rush Limbaugh's rant about Sandra Fluke and her sexual habits, which he naturally tore to pieces. In doing so, he showed that Limbaugh is the true prostitute.
On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert took a break from dreading Mitt Romney's inevitable candidacy to examine some incredible archaeological findings, specifically an ancient Babylonian text which may include the world's oldest 'yo mama' joke. He really had fun with it.
Stephen Colbert knows that Mitt Romney will be the Republican candidate for President and that there's no turning back once Super Tuesday comes and goes. In preparation for the inevitability, tonight on the Colbert Report, he launched 'the Countdown to Loving Mitt.'
On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert took a moment (in his one thousandth show) to profile two young Republicans who are about to burst onto the national scene as they have already proven themselves perfect ideologues in Colbert's view. Indiana's Bob Morris is opposed to the homosexual cabal that is the Girl Scouts and New Hampshire's Kyle Jones who opposed mandatory a mandatory lunch break. The future of the GOP is bright indeed.
At the end of a rant against the liberal machinery of Hollywood on tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert expressed his annoyance with the many product tie-ins being used to promote the new animated film the Lorax. Colbert expressed his feelings in Seussian verse and it was magnificent.
It recently came to Stephen Colbert's attention that the Mormons have a habit of baptizing dead Jews; even though the Church claimed to stop this practice, Anne Frank was apparently baptized for the tenth time last week. So Colbert only had one sensible choice, retaliation-wise: to convert all the dead Mormons to Judaism.
Tonight on the Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert welcomed House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi even though she had previously told Stephen she would never appear on the show. The two debated the ethics of Super PACs and the Disclose Act in a spirited and insightful discussion.
As we all know, Stephen Colbert loves his Super PAC and so he was a little miffed when President Obama came out against them in the State of the Union address. But, then Obama decided to take money from one, making him the Darth Maul to Colbert's Emperor Palpatine. The Star Wars jokes never get old apparently.
Stephen Colbert used the opening of tonight's Colbert Report to explain the sudden two day absence of his show last week. It seems clear now that all the crazy rumors were, in fact, crazy, and that Stephen went home to attend to his 91 year old mother. And it also seems she's ok, which is great news for all the members of Colbert Nation.
On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert took a look at the war on religion that President Obama is waging via his contraception plan. Colbert turned specific attention to the path toward tyranny that we, in Rick Santorum's view, are now on. It all ends with a guillotine and some very suggestive imagery.
A lot happened while the Colbert Report was on break last week but nothing was as captivating for Stephen Colbert as the emergence of New York Knick point guard Jeremy Lin. Stephen has been so caught up in the swirl, he is barely bothered by CNN's absurd coverage of Lin and instead has just been brainstorming about possible endorsement deals for him.
On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen took Newt Gingrich to task for using Survivor's hit song "Eye of the Tiger" without permission during his rallies. It was "an eye for an Eye of the Tiger" as Stephen welcomed Survivor lead singer Dave Bickler to sing part of Newt's book without permission. The result is as brilliantly absurd as anything Stephen has done in a while.
The fight between Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich has gone totally negative and Stephen Colbert took a look at some of the nastier barbs that they have traded on tonight's Colbert Report. But beyond just dissecting their insults, Colbert has a plan to keep each of them on their toes: he's a launching a twitter campaign to keep them prepared. So come on, nation, let's all do our part.
On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen took a look at some of the notable people who have come out in support of Newt Gingrich: Herman Cain, Duke Cunningham and, of course, Sarah Palin. What a well rounded bunch, those three. Taking their example, Stephen pledges his support of Newt as well. Unless Romney wins in Florida, which would change everything. Or nothing.
Now that Stephen Colbert is no longer running for the President of the United States of South Carolina, he went to retrieve his Super PAC (and its money) from Jon Stewart. But Stewart wasn't going to give it up without a fight. Tonight's Colbert Report opened with their long and arduous chase. Here it is.
