Sadly, no amount of jail time will bring back Viper the police dog, who died when he bit into a package of cocaine. But it still feels like justice is being served — the North Carolina man responsible has been sentenced to 11 years in jail.

A Philadelphia man arrested Friday after police found marijuana in his car gave cops an even bigger surprise when they discovered a gigantic bag of drugs tied to his penis. And then he gave them a third, even bigger surprise.

Whitney Houston drowned, with cocaine fresh in her system, following a possible heart attack, according to her newly-released initial autopsy report.

Deangelo Mitchell and his brother Wayne were taken into custody by the cops in South Carolina when the po-po suspected they had drugs in their car. While in custody, Deangelo convinced Wayne to eat the ounce of cocaine he had hidden in his ass. Then Wayne died.

Sean Parker wants to be taken seriously. Facebook's founding president badly wants to convince people he's not an amoral party boy like Justin Timberlake in The Social Network. Which is why it's strange he basically encouraged the New York Times to paint him as a cokehead.

Fashionista is running a series on "Fashion Intern Horror Stories," and the best one—about the world's "best known supermodel" peeing all over a white suit—makes for a workable blind item:

Justice gets at least one positive bit of justice news this week: the Fair Sentencing Act of 2010 went into effect yesterday, bringing the huge disparities in sentencing for powder cocaine vs. crack cocaine somewhat closer to sane levels. According to the NYT, there was previously a 100 to one disparity between the amounts of powder and the amount of crack that would draw equal sentences; now, it's 18 to one. Yeah, that's... somewhat less terrible. U.S. lawmakers truly are beacons of fairness.

We all know the economy is bad, but how bad is it? So bad that New Yorkers can't afford to shovel blow into their faces like its closing night at Studio 54. Damn, that's really bad. But is it true?

A 25-year-old from Syracuse has been charged with reckless endangerment and child endangerment for using cocaine while breast-feeding her 14-month-old baby. The New York Daily News reports:

Hong Kong's Narcotics Bureau seized 1,250 pounds of cocaine, worth, in their estimation, $77 million, setting a new world record (and they think they'll find more!). Eight people were arrested, including one American, five Mexicans and one Colombian.

Just imagine you're a 20-year-old guy wrapping up a Brazilian vacation, and you've got managed to fit close to a kilo of cocaine down your throat before heading to the airport. Oh, the raging parties you'll throw! And the money! And the ladies. But then you're kindly asked at the airport to submit to a medical scan. Via MSNBC's Photoblog, we learn that these images are of a 20-year-old Irish man who was arrested on September 12 at Congonhas airport in Sao Paulo, Brazil.

The National Enquirer published details from Joe McGinniss' hotly anticipated Sarah Palin biography today, including an NBA player's claim that he slept with Palin shortly before her marriage. McGinniss is the "peeping tom" reporter who moved in next door to the Palins' Wasilla home. Based on the Enquirer's read, a guide to the relative veracity of his juiciest claims.

Legendary cross-dressing Jamaican drug lord Christopher "Dudus" Coke, who was extradited to New York after setting off a bloody neighborhood drug war in Jamaica, yesterday pleaded guilty to racketeering charges and now faces just 23 years in jail instead of a possible life sentence for a lifetime's worth of scumbaggery. We'll probably never know more about the pink wig.

It's pretty easy to spot German tourists in Las Vegas, as they're usually the ones in socks and sandals occupying the buffet lines at the Paris. But one recent German visitor to America's vice capital left with a bellyful of something else entirely: blow.

Hey, remember that report from earlier in the summer about a veterinary de-worming agent called levamisole that South American drug traffickers were using to cut their cocaine with, that had an unfortunate side-effect in humans which caused them to develop "patches of blackened, dying skin on the ears, face, trunk or extremities?" Well, turns out that's a real thing! And not, like, some elaborate government propaganda campaign dreamed up by Nancy Reagan on a set visit to Diff'rent Strokes back in 1983.

Not quite sure what to make of this one, but the AC/DC brand is diversifying:

Times Square has cleaned up a lot over the last 20 years or so! But there's still no better place on earth to die with drugs in your pocket. Especially if you're the pastor of a huge church in Florida.

Earlier this year, aerial photos of a newly discovered tribe living in Brazil's Amazon rainforest electrified the internet. Now that entire tribe, numbering around 200, has gone missing—and a panicking Brazilian government fears that cocaine smugglers are to blame.

British police seized some 1.3 tons of cocaine from a yacht named "Louise"—the largest coke haul in the country's history, and enough to last Prince Harry through at least 2017.

Not to be preachy, or anything, but, if you ever find a "brick of an unknown substance" floating in the ocean, you should "just say no" to snorting it. Especially if you are a 53-year-old on a fishing trip.