• Are Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly "secretly engaged" and planning to get married this fall? That's what an "insider" is now telling Page Six, for what it's worth. [P6]
• Parker Posey has bowed out of an off-Broadway play, but sushi doesn't appear to be the culprit: Parker has been diagnosed with lime disease, according to people involved with the show. [NYP]
• Redmond O'Neal, the troubled son of Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal, plans to star in his own reality show once he's released from prison. He says he's only doing it to "honor his mother," but then again you probably knew that. [NYDN]
• The police released video footage yesterday of the robbers breaking into Lindsay Lohan's house last weekend. If you spot anyone familiar, feel free to call the cops. Or congratulate them. Or whatever. [NYP]

• The Carolina Herrera dress that Anna Wintour wore on Dave Letterman's show this week? She wore it to the CFDA Awards back in June. Uh oh! [Stylelist]
• Zac Posen is the latest designer to bid goodbye to Bryant Park this Fashion Week. He'll be staging his show at The Altman Building instead. [WWD]
• Another good thing about the recession: There are fewer crappy catalogs getting stuffed in your mailbox. [AP]
• The September Issue doesn't open in theaters until Friday, but it seems some people (above) are already sick of all the publicity. [NYShitty]

• Today was Frank Bruni's last day as New York Times dining critic. In honor of the momentous occasion, Bruni shares some thoughts on, well, just about everything you've ever wondered during his five-year tenure. [NYT, NYT]
• Bruni-blitz, con't: Two more interviews with Bruni are online today, including the longest one you'll probably ever see, courtesy of Team Eater. [Eater, TFB]
• The "disastrous, wipeout summer" that many chefs and restaurant owners were fearfully predicting just a couple of months ago never really came to pass, Steve Cuozzo happily reports today in the New York Post. [NYP]
• Today in food reviews: The Daily News' Danyelle Freeman gives The Mott three stars out of five; Pete Wells of the Times pays a visit to SHO Shaun Hergatt; Time Out's Jay Cheshes hits the Standard Grill and has very good things to say; and Bloomberg's Ryan Sutton surveys the city's sandwich scene.
• Corton's Paul Liebrandt may be widely respected chef. But to describe him as an unpleasant interview subject would be a huge understatement. [BlackBook]

Hassan Nemazee, the banker and Democratic mega-fundraiser who was charged yesterday with forging financial documents to get Citibank to give him a $74 million loan, got to leave prison today. And just like Marc Dreier and Bernie Madoff before him, he'll be under house arrest from now on, confined to a $20 million, 14th floor co-op at 770 Park Avenue. The terms of Nemazee's release are pretty strict: The $25 million bail package requires him to pledge his Park Avenue apartment and house in Katonah as collateral; he'll be monitored round the click via electronic bracelet; and the judge also banned him from using computers, the Internet, or getting a new cell phone. (What's he going to do all day? God only knows.) Prosecutors argued for the tough terms because they said Nemazee is a flight risk, and by the looks of it, the judge was inclined to agree. But that's where you come in! The apartment next door to Nemazee's is up for sale. Maybe you want to move in and keep an eye on him? We can't say so for sure, but prosecutors might be willing to cut you a break the next time jury duty rolls around if you step up and perform the valuable service. A couple of pics and a floor plan of Apt. 14B are below.

• Ted Kennedy's death late last night sent the media into a predictable scramble. Some newspapers stopped the presses in the wee hours to change out the front page; every news network has been busy mobilizing its troops and planning various TV specials; Time announced plans to publish a commemorative edition; and the publication date of Kennedy's forthcoming memoir has been moved up to September 14 from early October.
• Some people watch Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's shows because they think it makes them look cool, according to a new research report. [NYT]
• The premiere of True Blood on Sunday night reeled in more than 5.3 million viewers and generated HBO its biggest audience in years. [MCN]
• Because The View is determined to provide a home to the most insufferable women on earth, Kate Gosselin has signed on to guest host the show next month, joining the likes of Meghan McCain and LaToya Jackson. [E!]

Dominick Dunne—best-selling author, special correspondent for Vanity Fair, television commentator, former film producer, and chronicler of Hollywood's dark side—died today of cancer at his home in Manhattan. He was 83. A tribute by Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter is here. [VF]

Admit it: You wrote off swine flu months ago, chalking it up to a passing fad that served as the perfect story for cable news outlets to obsess about day after day. And who could blame you? It started with such promise this spring, but then summer came and the epidemic—which clearly lost a little of its brand luster when it changed its name to a confusing mix of letters and numbers—couldn't get media attention if its life (or the lives of others, rather!) depended on it. All that is about to change, though. Just like Fashion Week, swine flu will be making its triumphant return to NYC this fall. And it's going to be bigger than ever.

Joe Gregory, the cash-starved former president of Lehman Brothers, hasn't had much luck selling his oceanfront house in Bridgehampton. (He cut the price from $32 million to $27.9 million a few months back, although that hasn't helped any, apparently.) Time to move on to Plan B, it seems. Gregory is now asking a bankruptcy judge to pay him the $232,999.548.71 he says he's owed in deferred compensation "in the form of performance- and restricted-stock grants." Now that's rich, isn't it? He helped run the bank into the ground and now he'd like to get paid for his "performance"? We're not quite sure how Gregory came up with this $233 million figure, but we're inclined to think the judge should cut him a check for $19.99. That way Gregory can go to Staples and buy himself a Brother P-Touch 80 so when he makes outrageous financial demands in the future, he'll at least be able to affix a profession-looking label to the envelope. Just because you had a hand in the biggest bankruptcy in U.S. history and your reputation is now ruined doesn't mean you can get sloppy! Gregory's handwritten submission to the court below.

According to a poll by Quinnipiac University, 78 percent of registered voters report having seen one of the gazillion or so TV ads for Michael Bloomberg that have flooded the airwaves in recent weeks. And they're really like him to stop: "Of those who've seen the spots this year, 47 percent say they're annoying; 41 percent say they're informative." [NYP]

Christine Quinn has been slacking, clearly. This week the City Council speaker denounced the nudie show at the Standard Hotel, a faux scandal cooked up by the tabloids during a slow news week, and one that wasn't even newsworthy considering the existence of the sex shows —and the fact it was largely a publicity stunt to drum up interest in the hotel—were reported, like, ages ago.

Because the fashion industry really, really wants you start shopping again, it's pulling out all the stops for Fashion's Night Out, the hyped-up retail pep rally scheduled for September 10. The latest PR offensive: A TV commercial featuring Sarah Jessica Parker, Anna Wintour, Diane von Furstenberg, Donna Karan, Oscar de la Renta, Carolina Herrera, Isaac Mizrahi, Diddy, Tory Burch, Lazaro Hernandez, Ashley Olsen, and a whole bunch of others—all jam-packed into a spot that's less than a minute long. If you watch the commercial—and you can do so above—make sure you're paying attention at the 0:30 mark. It's not every day that you get to see Anna Wintour come off as a giddy schoolgirl.

Shia LaBeouf eating lunch with Carey Mulligan at Extra Virgin in the Village, and later hailing a cab ... Michelle Williams eating lunch outside at Cafe Gitane in Nolita ... Drew Barrymore walking by herself downtown ... Kelly Rutherford holding daughter Helena Grace on the set of Gossip Girl ... Whitney Port walking downtown ... Rihanna going into an office in Midtown, and later meeting friends at a bar downtown ... Hayden Christensen walking in SoHo ... David Blaine riding his motorcycle near Columbus Circle ... America Ferrera filming scenes for Ugly Betty in Madison Square Park ... and Kevin Federline taking sons Sean and Jayden to the Central Park Zoo with girlfriend Victoria Prince.

Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JPMorgan Chase, may be the "accidental media mogul," in the words of Keith Kelly. But it's also fair to say he's done a good job establishing himself as the "accidental beneficiary of fraud," too. According to a finance professor who's been poring over documents in the Bernie Madoff case, JPMorgan Chase racked up $483 million in profits between 1992 and 2008 thanks to the fact Madoff was a loyal JPMorgan Chase customer for all those years, and he used his various accounts with the firm to store billions of dollars. Sadly, Madoff's unwavering loyalty to the bank has yet to result in Dimon renaming the Chase branch at Madison and 64th Street in Madoff's honor. But if you stop by and you feel the ghost of Bernie in the air, let us know. [FT Alphaville]

Does the Post have some sort of grudge against the billionaire Santo Domingo family? Last month, a photo of Lauren Santo Domingo (wife of Andrès Santo Domingo) was replaced with a pic of fellow Vogue staffer Lauren Dupont. Today, a photo of Alejandro Santo Domingo's girlfriend, Amanda Hearst, was replaced with one of her first-cousin Gillian Hearst! This time around, it doesn't seem the Post is to blame. It's Getty Images' fault. But if Hearst Corp.-owned magazines like Harper's Bazaar and Marie Claire suddenly decide to cancel their photo licensing contracts with Getty, well, now you'll know why. [NYP, previously]

If you drink, smoke, or do drugs and you have fitness-obsessed friends who occasionally give you a hard time for your vices, you may want to print out this story from National Geographic, just so you have it handy the next time you run into them while you're on your way to a bar and they're headed to the gym. According to new research in the August issue of Behavioral Neuroscience, "Hardcore runners who can't bear to skip a workout may be hooked in a way that's similar to heroin addiction." And it can be fatal, too! [National Geographic]

If you're looking for a thoughtful, nuanced take on the life and legacy of Ted Kennedy, the 7-page obit on the New York Times website should provide you with all the background you need on a man born into one of America's most notable families who went on to become one of the country's most important political figures. If you want inane responses to his passing from a smattering of reality TV stars and stylists, head to Twitter!

• Actor Roger Howarth, who used to be on One Life to Live but now appears on As the World Turns, has dropped the price of the three-bedroom condo at 505 Greenwich Street he shares with wife Cari Stahler. The sixth-floor pad, which the couple bought for $2.075 million in 2005 and listed for $3.195 million in March of this year, is now listed for $2.999 million. [Cityfile, Warburg]
• Eli Zahavi, the owner of EZ Energy Ltd., and his wife Gabriela have closed on the sale of their 25th-floor apartment at 15 CPW. The two-bedroom condo, which went on the market for $7.9 million in March, sold for $7.35 million to an entity called Metropark Investments Limited Partnership. [Cityfile]
• The skinniest house in the West Village has gone on the market. The three-story, 990-square-foot townhouse at 75 1/2 Bedford Street, where writer Edna St. Vincent Millay, Cary Grant and John Barrymore are all believed to have once lived—is listed for $2.75 million. [Curbed, Corcoran]

Cassie, the singer best known for her hair and for having hooked up with Diddy, turns 23 today. Macaulay Culkin is turning 29. Thalia, the Latin singer and wife of music honcho Tommy Mottola, is 38. Former vice presidential candidate Geraldine Ferraro is turning 74. Former Homeland Security boss Tom Ridge is 64. Valerie Simpson of Ashford & Simpson turns 63. Actor Chris Pine is turning 29. Shirley Manson of the band Garbage is 43. Upper East Side interior designer Lisa Jackson is turning 51. Legendary Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee turns 88. And New York Times crossword editor Will Shortz turns 57 today.

• Lindsay Lohan says she feels "scared" and "violated" after the break-in at her LA home last weekend. (We're guessing that's the same way Sam Ronson feels when she comes home to find LiLo waiting for her in the bushes, but what do we know?) In related news, though, Lohan's neighbors are now hoping she'll pick a new neighborhood to terrorize. [Sun, NYDN]
• Things don't always go Anna Wintour's way. When she headed to dinner after her David Letterman taping the other night, the poor editrix had to wait 20 minutes for her boyfriend, Shelby Bryan, to show up. And then the restaurant had the nerve to try and seat them at a non-private table. The indignity! [P6]
• Chelsea Handler has dumped her boyfriend, Ted Harbert. Making matters a little awkward: Harbert runs E!, which means her ex is still her boss. [NYDN]
• Cindy Crawford is coming clean about a deep, dark secret. She says that although you might have thought she had a perfect body, she really does have a bit of cellulite. Guess you'll have to focus on her inner beauty instead. [Star]

• Trouble is brewing for Cru on lower Fifth Avenue. The restaurant has been served up with eviction papers and it now appears to be closed. [Eater, GS]
• Los Feliz, a new taco/ceviche spot brought to you by the team behind Spitzer's Corner and the Dark Room, opens this Friday. [UD, BB]
• A few recommendations on where to eat at the U.S. Open. [NYM]
• Tien Ho, the man who will be running the show at the Momofuku in Midtown, details what's in store for the forthcoming Chambers Hotel outpost. [GS]
• The Standard Grill is serving lunch as of today. [Zagat]