When does an investment banker trade up from his Swatch watch ($50) to a Rolex Datejust ($2,750) to a vintage Patek Philippe ($45,000)? Radar has a sneak peek at Damn, It Feels Good to Be a Banker, the forthcoming humor paperback by Amit Chatwani, the guy behing the blog Leveraged Sellout. [Radar]

Henry Kravis announced this week that his private equity powerhouse, KKR, plans to go public by the end of the year, a move that will probably end up making him substantially richer than he already is. (He was worth $5.5 billion in 2007, according to Forbes.) What does Henry do with his riches? He buys expensive homes for one thing, like the manse in Palm Beach he purchased in 2006 for $50 million (and which didn't even come with an oceanfront view). No, modesty and humility has never Kravis' strong suit. This is, after all, a man who once lived in a house where his chef could pipe the smell of freshly-baked croissants and coffee into the guestrooms to gently wake them up in the morning. (Sure beats that Dream Machine clock-radio you've been using for the past decade!) But Kravis also directs a fair amount of cash to charity with his third wife, Marie-Josee. In 2006, the couple handed out $5.9 million to a long list of art, culture, and educational institutions. The David Saltzman-led Robin Hood Foundation took home $1 million, as did Rockefeller University. The smallest contribution? The $200 the Kravises gave to Project Angel Food, which feeds people homebound by HIV/AIDS. The full list of donations by the Marie-Josee and Henry R. Kravis Foundation after the jump.

• Now that he's moving into 15 Central Park West, Bob Costas has unloaded his 61st-floor condo at the Time Warner Center for $8.5 million. [NYO]

Amid all those reviews of mediocre bars, advice from repellent "dating experts," and lists of places to throw darts in Flushing, every once in a while Time Out NY offers up something truly useful. This week, they answer a question that has probably been on your minds for years. How on earth do you open one of those fire hydrants on a really hot summer afternoon? For, like, those days when your Olympic-size pool is "undergoing repairs."

It's official: As far as romans-a-clef are concerned, uptown private school brats are the new thinly-veiled famous boss. Following beleaguered-tutor-lit like Andrew Trees' Academy X and Eliot Shrefer's Glamorous Disasters, the latest is Anisha Lakhani's Schooled, a novel based on her experiences as a teacher at Dalton and an expensive private tutor to spoiled kids. But while Lakhani's publisher Hyperion is to be commended for complying with the trend and telling us what we want to hear about young 10021ers—that they're impossibly decadent, fucked-up, and lazy—don't think a commercial novel by a woman can go without the most vital ingredient of all: shoes! You see, Lakhani's narrative alter-ego loses her morals and ghostwrites homework because she has "a pricey shoe habit." Did you hear that, chick-lit fans? You can buy this novel in complete confidence that its heroine loves shoes.

Answering machine at the Long Island weekend home of Tom Colicchio, his wife Lori, and their (adorable!) son Dante.

The glassy Richard Meier-designed 165 Charles Street is losing one of its most famous residents, the Post's Braden Keil reports today: Natalie Portman has put her convertible three-bedroom apartment on the market for $6.55 million. (She bought the place for $5.7 million in 2005.) Sad news for the other tenants in the building, sure, but there's a silver lining: The apartment directly below Natalie's is also on the market right now and the two pads could easily be converted into a ridiculously expensive duplex. (Just go grab your checkbook and call this lady.) More photos and a floorplan below.

Hope mama got you something nice: Ms. Katherine E. Shaffer, better known as Bee, turns 21 today. Billionaire financier Leon Black is 57. Manhattan DA Robert Morgenthau is still going strong at 89. Defense attorney Ron Kuby turns 52. The Public's artistic director, Oskar Eustis, is 50. The Office's B.J. Novak is 29. Wesley Snipes is turning 46. Harry Potter scribe J.K. Rowling is 43. Actor Dean Cain is 42. Last but not least, banking heir (and father of socialite Bettina) Ezra Zilkha turns 83.

After decades of cultivating poshness, eurotrashy jeweler Cartier has joined the modern age with a MySpace page! It doesn't have too many friends yet—3,800 or so—but it shouldn't be embarrassed. Being an "exclusive" brand means weeding out a lot of the hoi polloi. According to the Times, people, for example, "whose photos show them guzzling a beer at a party" won't be approved. Good call. But for some reason this rigorous selection process has failed to weed out Good Charlotte, whose lead singer and guitarist are sleeping with Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton, a significantly grubbier association than "guzzling" beer, no? Don't be put off from trying to join this elite club, though: It's full of fascinating people who leave messages about their mom wearing Paris de Cartier—which, frankly, is a far more powerful marketing tool than any glossy ad campaign or sponsored polo match in St. Moritz. Right?

• Alex Rodriguez is expected to file divorce papers of his own in a Miami court today: He's wants his prenup enforced and any charges that he cheated on wife Cynthia removed from the record. [NYDN]

• Bristol-Myers Squibb is offering $4.5 billion for ImClone Systems, the drug maker controlled by Carl Icahn. [Dealbook]

• Do you have $300 million burning a hole in your pocket and a yen to see Tory Burch's company get even bigger? You're in luck: a stake in the popular-with-Upper East Siders label is up for grabs. [WWD]

Julianne Moore playing with her kids, Caleb and Liv, on the sidewalk outside Bar Pitti ... Chris Brown walking with his bodyguard in midtown ... Maroon 5's Adam Levine hopping out of his tour bus in SoHo ... Ed Westwick showing off some shiny purple pants on the set of Gossip Girl ... Matt Lauer walking home from work ... Jennifer Esposito riding her bike through the meatpacking district ... Marc Ecko checking out an art exhibition in SoHo ... Chris Noth filming an episode of Law & Order ... and James Franco and Pamela Anderson arriving at The Late Show.

• Keith Kelly of the Post reports that 14 of the 17 staffers at Fortune Small Business are getting the axe. [NYP]

Meet Dr. David Best. He's the Manhattan physician who got booted on last night's episode of the CBS reality competition Greatest American Dog. Best and his little terrier, Elvis, it seems, do everything together. And there's nothing it seems Best won't do for his best friend: The doc spent $10,000 last November on the canine's "Bark Mitzvah" at the Tribeca Grand (left), which attracted Dr. Ruth and Elvis's mother, and also earned him the attention of CBS execs, who promptly signed him up for the dog-centric reality show. So it probably shouldn't come as a surprise that when the judges gave the duo the boot on last night's episode, Dr. Best didn't take it very well. Tears were shed. Dreams were shattered. (You can watch the epic meltdown right here.)

• East Village bar and performance space Rififi is shutting its doors. [GS]

Hotelier Jason Pomeranc takes some time to chat with the Observer this week and addresses the issue that always seems to be staring him in the face, namely the delays that have pushed back the opening of his new Thompson LES on several occasions now (not to mention made Pomeranc something of a running joke in the industry). But Pomeranc has good news! Three of the 22 floors will open this week, although if you'd like to use the pool or sample the restaurant on the second floor, you'll have to wait until October 15th when it will probably be too cold to swim anyway. "There are always unforeseen circumstances that cause delays in scheduling," Pomeranc tells Chris Schott. (Not addressed: The rumor that Pomeranc spends more time jetting around the world with his hottie publicist girlfriend Ali Wise, above, than he does at the office.) But if you think the delays and bad press may have humbled Jason just a little bit, well, don't get ahead of yourself.

The Straphangers Campaign report card is out. You know, that group led by Gene Russianoff that really only surfaces in the news when it issues its annual "State of the Subways" report? Anyway, L riders will be happy to hear they ride the best line in the city. If you take the W to work, you may want to think about moving. Or taking a job that comes with car service. [NYP]

The Huffington Post has a major scoop. It seems John McCain is partial to Ferragamo loafers, specifically the Pregiato Moccasin which retails at Neiman-Marcus for $520! They even have a slideshow to prove it, documenting every occasion over the past few weeks when he's worn the footwear on the campaign trail—in the company of his $100 million wife. [HuffPo]

• Rachael Ray and her husband John Cusimano paid $1.25 million for apartment 6G at 49 East 12th Street, the Greenwich Village building they already live in. The couple had previously purchased units 6E and F back in 2004. [TRD]