Photo: Flickr/heavyweather

"Have you ever stopped for a moment to consider that the cast of Jersey Shore are all secretly a bunch of classically trained actors playing roles created for them and that we, those of us who love to mock and ridicule Snooki, J-Woww, Pauly-D and The Situation, are being played HARD?" [Animal NY]

• Diane Sawyer's World News debut lifted the newscast's ratings a bit. [LAT]
• As for Sawyer's performance last night, some critics weigh in. [NYT, WP, BG]
• Chris Albrecht, who served as HBO's chief executive until he was fired for pulling a Chris Brown on his girlfriend, is now in charge of Starz. [DH, NYT]
• The second episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians has set a new ratings record for the series and E! Congrats, America. You must be very proud. [THR]
• In related news, Kim has replaced Paris in TV's dirtiest burger ad. [NYDN]
• In other random TV news, CNN has made a minor change to its lineup; and Joan Rivers, who ditched E! in 2005 after a dispute over money, is back.
• It may have been Google that decided not to buy Yelp, not vice versa. [Bits]
• Is TMZ planning to launch a sports-related site? It's looking like it. [PC]
• Hollywood grossed $10 billion at the box office in '09; it's a new record. [AP]
• Kim Peek, the savant who inspired Rain Man, has died at age 58. [NPR]

It was 25 years ago today that Bernie Goetz pulled out a handgun on a No. 2 train and opened fire on four black teenagers who he claimed were planning to mug him. Goetz fired five shots and all four were seriously injured— one was left a paraplegic—and the story, which touched on the hot buttons of race and urban crime, dominated the news media for months. Goetz later stood trial for attempted murder, assault, and reckless endangerment, although a jury only convicted him of illegal firearms, and he ultimately spent less than a year in prison before his release. Cindy Adams took a few minutes to catch up with Goetz on the occasion of the anniversary to see if planned to do anything to do mark the day.

If you've been looking at the photos of Rachel Uchitel in the tabloids and wondering how you, too, can achieve such "luscious hair and long locks," you'll be thrilled to hear that a website has finally assembled the ultimate primer on Uchitel's tresses in a piece entitled "Hair Envy: Rachel Uchitel's Hair Secrets Revealed!" You're very welcome. [FameSpy]

Band-Aid heir, filmmaker, and Vanity Fair contributor Jamie Johnson has some pretty eccentric family members. (Perhaps you've heard of Casey Johnson, Jamie's first cousin, who's been in the news recently? That's her on the far right, with her "fiancée" Tila Tequila.) Well, it seems Jamie's friends are pretty strange, too.

Computer hackers can be so cruel. Not only did a "Russian cyber gang" decide to mount an attack on one of America's banks, they picked the nation's most feeble financial institution, too. According to the Journal, hackers likely used a $40 software program to gain access to Citibank accounts and make off with "tens of millions of dollars," although in typical Citi fashion, for now the bank is pretending the computer attack never happened. [WSJ]

Animal Fair magazine hosted its annual "Toys for Dogs" holiday party last night, an event that featured a bunch of poor canines dressed up in embarrassing Christmas costumes. Today health officials in Westchester announced they've confirmed the first case of a dog catching swine flu from his human owner. Coincidence? [Jezebel, NYDN]

Gabriel Stulman opened the very well-regarded West Village restaurant Joseph Leonard in late July. But before he ventured out on his own, he ran the front of the house (and co-owned) the exceedingly popular Little Owl and its sister restaurant Market Table, along with Joey Campanaro and Mike Price. It's been a year and half since Stulman parted ways with Campanaro and Price. But it's quite clear the partnership didn't end on a positive note. Last month Stulman filed a lawsuit against his former partners, claiming Campanaro and Price stiffed him out of his 20 percent stake in the partnership and never paid him any of the profits he was entitled to, an amount he says now totals $437,000. Stulman's suit is below.

If you're leaving on vacation today, you may want to bring a few Xanax with you. Angry travelers got so unruly at the Delta terminal at JFK this morning that the police had to be called in. [AP]

Cate Blanchett walking through the slush with sons Dashiell and Roman after a trip to Barnes & Noble ... A bundled-up Catherine Zeta-Jones walking her dog on Central Park West on Sunday ... Jessica Simpson getting out of an SUV yesterday and later shopping in Midtown with her mom ... Maggie Gyllenhaal arriving at the Late Show with Dave Letterman ... Britney Spears leaving Townhouse Spa on West 56th Street on Sunday and catching a flight at JFK yesterday ... Race driver Jeff Gordon talking a walk ... Eva Mendes eating dinner at Locanda Verde on Greenwich Street on Friday evening ... and Ashlee Simpson attending a performance of Shrek the Musical on Friday, and walking around downtown on Sunday.

• Barbara Gutmacher Girard and her mother Rose are teaming up to sell their apartments at the Plaza. The two units on the building's 18th-floor, which Barbara and Rose bought last year for $4.74 million and $3.4 million, respectively, are listed separately for $8.995 million and $5.995 million. Or you can buy the matching apartments as a package deal. Don't expect any sort of bulk discount, however. The two apartments combined are priced at $14.990 million. [Cityfile, BHS, BHS]
• Vicki Rosen-Solomon, the widow of private equity executive Adam Solomon, has gone into contract to sell her co-op at 956 Fifth Avenue. The three-bedroom apartment, which the couple purchased in 2002, was first listed this past September for $14.575 million. [Cityfile, Stribling]

Steve A. Cohen is the billionaire hedge fund manager who almost never talks to the press, very rarely appears in public, and does his utmost to keep himself out of the public eye. But he wasn't always that way! Last week, Cohen's first wife slapped him with a $300 million lawsuit, claiming he'd set up an elaborate scheme to cheat her out of millions that she would have otherwise collected as part of a divorce settlement. Now the Post has unearthed an appearance that Cohen made on Cristina in 1992, the short-lived spin-off the Spanish talk show by the same name. The episode, entitled "He Acts Like Her Husband, Too," featured second wives complaining about husbands who continue to maintain relationships with their first wives. And Cohen and his second—and current—wife Alex were guests on the show. The clip that made every jaw on Wall Street drop this morning is below.

• An autopsy was performed on Brittany Murphy yesterday and while no obvious cause of death was determined, more should be known when toxicology tests are completed in several weeks. Meanwhile, police sources say a huge stash of prescription pills (painkillers, antidepressants, anti-anxiety drugs, antibiotics, etc.) were found at her home. And several of Murphy's friends, colleagues, and acquaintances have told reporters that her death "wasn't a shock," and that substance abuse "had sadly become par for the course." [NYP, NYDN, TMZ]
• In an interview yesterday, Murphy's husband Simon Monjack defended himself against suggestions he was a bad influence on Murphy. Monjack's shady past isn't doing him too many favors, however. The British screenwriter was sued by a bank for close to half a million bucks in 2006 as well as evicted from his apartment the same year. A year before that, he was arrested in Virginia on credit card fraud and theft charges. [AH, NYP, Fox News]
• Back in 2001, Tom Cruise sued a magazine editor named Michael Davis Sapir for saying that Cruise had a "homosexual relationship" and Sapir had a tape to prove it. Now it's Sapir turn. He's suing Cruise, his attorney Bert Fields, and private detective Anthony Pellicano for $5 million, claiming they spied on him and illegally wiretapped his phone. [TMZ, Us]
• The German shepherd that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony used to own wasn't the friendliest pooch. Not only did Floyd allegedly attack a flight attendant (who is now suing the couple), he supposedly also head-butted a housekeeper and bit one of their personal assistants. [NYDN]

As if he didn't make the point perfectly clear a few weeks ago by hinting that he was going to announce his candidacy any moment and then never actually doing so, Rudy Giuliani has no plans to run for Senate—or anything else—in 2010. He'll officially declare his non-candidacy at a press conference later today. [NYDN]

It's a big week for Diane Sawyer. Last night she made her debut on ABC's World News, and today just happens to be her 64th birthday. Others celebrating today: Ralph Fiennes turns 47. Ali Lohan, Lindsay's kid sister, is turning 16. Theater producer Daryl Roth is 65. Vanessa Paradis, the French singer/actress and Johnny Depp's significant other, turns 37. Neocon/Bush crony Paul Wolfowitz is 66. Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees turns 60. And Jordin Sparks, the winner of the sixth season of American Idol, is 19 today.

William Rast, the clothing collection conceived by Justin Timberlake, is coming to Gilt Man. The sale begins on December 23 and great denim and leather pieces will be available for up to 70% off retail. Click here to become a member of Gilt Man today.

• Amy Sacco's Bungalow 8 closed a couple of months ago, but now she says "the grand reopening of the new Bungalow 8" is planned for February. [NYM]
• More on the rumored return of Beatrice Inn, if you're interested. [Gawker]
• Le Pain Quotidien is expanding to Rockefeller Center and Central Park. [NYO]
• Govind Armstrong has left Table 8, but the eatery is still open, FYI. [NYT]
• Andre Balazs's Boom Boom Room will host a very special affair on New Year's Eve. For $250-750, guests will get to watch Courtney Love "perform." [Eater]
• A Hamptons real estate broker has filed a lawsuit against Bobby Flay. [N'day]
• If the 2007 Times article about what restaurateur Drew Nieporent does in his spare time at his New Jersey home didn't satisfy your obsession for all things Nieporent, here's pretty much the same info from yesterday's Times. [NYT]

Photo: Flickr/mitchparadise