Why was Bernie Madoff admitted to a prison hospital late last week? It isn't because he's dying of cancer. And it isn't because he was assaulted in prison, as ABC News reported this morning. (The story, which the local ABC affiliate has since revised twice, first suggested Madoff had suffered "facial fractures, broken ribs and a collapsed lung" in an incident "consistent with an assault." Then they said he fell off a bed and "a lot of facial bleeding" followed.) Now it turns out he was hospitalized for an altogether less dramatic reason: According to the Bureau of Prisons, it was "due to dizziness and high blood pressure." [WSJ, NYP]

Lindsay Lohan eating dinner last night at Cipriani Downtown with a group of friends (one of whom was hotelier Jason Pomeranc, left) ... Reese Witherspoon taking in "a business lunch with friends" at Cookshop on Tenth Avenue ... Jessica Simpson shopping with her mom ... American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi carrying gifts in Midtown ... Alexa Ray Joel posing for a pic outside The American Hotel in Sag Harbor alongside her mom, Christie Brinkley, and grandmother ... Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard wearing hard hats for Tuesday's dedication ceremony for the Signature Theatre Company's new Signature Center ... Catherine Zeta-Jones arriving at the Walter Kerr Theater on West 48th Street ... and Sarah Jessica Parker walking with Matthew Broderick in the West Village yesterday.

• Billionaire hedge fund manager Dan Och has sold his penthouse condo 15 Central Park West. Sort of. The apartment, which had been owned by a trust in his wife's name until now, was sold yesterday to DAAJJ, LLC, a company that happens to be controlled by Och. A bit of year-end tax planning? A separation of assets? The jury's out on this one. [Cityfile]
• The former co-op of Edythe Acquavella—the late wife of Upper East Side gallery founder Nicholas Acquavella and mother of Bill Acquavella—has sold. The three-bedroom apartment at 31 East 79th Street, which first went on the market for $3.75 million last year, sold for $2.9 million. [Cityfile]

• One of Hollywood's longest-lasting relationships is over: After 23 years and two sons, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins announced yesterday that they've called it quits. One possible reason for the split: It seems Sarandon may have been having an affair with one of the owners of Spin, the "ping pong social club" that opened this fall and in which she's an investor. [Gawker, P6]
• Mary J. Blige is not to be messed with, clearly. At her CD release party earlier this week, she smacked husband Kendu Isaacs—or punched, depending on which account of the incident you want to go with—after she noticed him checking out a waitress. [NYDN, P6]
• Members of the cast of Jersey Shore have moved to the second chapter of "Exploiting Reality TV Stardom: Practices & Procedures": They're asking to be paid appearance fees to show up at clubs. Alas, not even a club in Hoboken was willing to cough up the $10K that they've been asking for. [P6]

Kate Spade turns 47 today. Hedge fund manager Jim Chanos is turning 52. Former Observer owner Arthur Carter is 78. Jonathan Benno, Per Se's outgoing chef who will soon be opening a restaurant of his own, is 40. Annette de la Renta, the wife of Oscar de la Renta and a charity gala fixture, is turning 70. Ryan Seacrest turns 35. Ricky Martin is celebrating his 38th. Author Mary Higgins Clark is turning 82. Heiress Marylou Whitney is 84. And actor Mekhi Phifer is 35. A few people with Christmas birthdays are listed below.

• Tom Colicchio is closing Craftsteak. He says he plans to reopen the space in the next few weeks with a new menu and new name, Colicchio & Sons. [GS]
• The week in reviews: Sam Sifton of the Times shows some love to La Grenouille, giving the "the last great French restaurant in New York" three stars; Ryan Sutton of Bloomberg isn't blown away by Abe & Arthur's or Tanuki Tavern; and Gael Greene is predictably pleased with Eleven Madison Park.
• The latest Beatrice Inn relaunch rumor: It'll be somewhere in Noho. [P6]
• Chef Anita Lo is writing a cookbook, reopening Annisa in February. [GS]
• Lists: Zagat rounds up the best restaurants of the decade; and the Voice's Robert Sietsema weighs in on the best dining/drinking trends of the Aughts.
• Update from the Hamptons: Both Mezzaluna's and Matto have closed. [GS]
• A waiter at Babbo was the victim of a tragic accident last week. [P6]
• Your stomach really does shrink if you eat less, say scientists. [NYT]

[December 22. Photo: Flickr/specialkrb]

• Golf Digest has decided to "suspend" Tiger Woods' monthly column. Will Condé Nast continue to pay him his $3 million-a-year salary? Unclear. [NYP]
• The Balloon Boy parents were sentenced to 90 days (him) and 20 days (her) today. For what it's worth, Richard Heene says he's "very, very sorry." [AP]
• Alexis Glick, one of Fox Business's first employees, resigned today. [LAT]
• Fox will go ahead with Idol with or without Simon Cowell. Obviously. [THR]
• Another humorless group is whining about MTV's Jersey Shore. [AP]
• The feud between Time Warner/Fox over cable fees is getting nasty. [DF]
• Jennifer Aniston, Julia Roberts and Mickey Rourke have signed on to present at next month's Golden Globes alongside host Ricky Gervais. [LAT]
• A look back at the wars Rupert Murdoch has waged over the years. [NYM]
• The trailer for Sex and the City 2 was released today. Yes, already. [EW]

If you're looking for very part-time work—and you hear snow is in the forecast—keep in mind the city will pay you $12 an hour to take a shovel in hand. Don't be surprised if you don't land the gig, though. With the economy in the shape it's in, the competition is fierce. [NYT]

Israeli diamond/real estate mogul Lev Leviev purchased the former headquarters of the New York Times at the worst possible time: In 2007, he paid $550 million for the West 43rd Street landmark, or about three times what the seller had paid two years earlier. The Uzbekistan-born billionaire (and part-time mohel) had been planning to turn it into a "first-class" office building. But then the recession came along and Leviev's empire started to unravel. And so now he has new investors and a new plan for the massive space.

Did you hear what Prince William did earlier this week? He threw on a hoodie and pretended he was homeless for a night, camping out under a bridge in London so he could see what "life on the streets" is really like:

Amy Sacco sent out an email blast on Friday announcing—once again—that she plans to reopen Bungalow 8 in the near future. ("SAVE FEB FASHION WEEK FOR THE GRAND RE-OPENING OF THE NEW BUNGALOW 8 NYC!") Anything is possible. Although if she really is planning to bring the former hotspot back, it's probably going to look exactly like it did before it closed this fall. Sacco still hasn't filed for any of the city permits she would need to do renovation work on the West 27th Street club. As you can see below, she hasn't proposed to make any substantial changes to the venue since way back in 2002:

Back in August, the Post reported that Bernie Madoff was dying of cancer. The Bureau of Prisons denied it, but the Journal reports today that Madoff was moved the prison medical center very recently. Could there be a connection? Or is he just experiencing side effects from all those Native American purification ceremonies he's been taking part in? [WSJ]

Rudy Giuliani announced yesterday that he won't be running for Senate in 2010 and is abandoning any plans to return to politics, so he can focus on his security business (see you in Rio in 2016!) and his law firm (now with offices in Kazakstan!). Rudy's speech, delivered in Conference Room E of the Sheraton Hotel (i.e. the basement), was hardly a triumphant moment for the former mayor. Per the Times:

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt stopping off for a bite to eat at a branch of Cafe Metro in Midtown on Sunday ... Reese Witherspoon arriving at JFK on Monday night and crossing the street yesterday ... Hugh Jackman, Dustin Hoffman, John McEnroe, and Rangers goalie Henrik Lundqvist attending a Knicks game ... Ashlee Simpson shopping at FAO Schwarz and Barneys with her sister, husband and baby ... Dancing with the Stars' Derek Hough getting out of a cab in Midtown ... Naomi Watts checking her phone while walking downtown ... and Mary-Kate Olsen leaving her apartment clearly unprepared for the cold weather.

• Lily Safra is making a move at 820 Fifth Avenue. The billionaire widow of Edmond Safra and longtime resident of the tony co-op building has sold her 12th-floor apartment for $40 million to Ken Griffin, the CEO of Chicago-based Citadel Investment Group. She won't be moving far. Property records indicate Safra paid $33 million to buy developer Ara Hovnanian's apartment on the 4th-floor, so she'll only be moving downstairs. [Real Deal]
• Stephen Rotella, the former president and chief operating officer of Washington Mutual, may be preparing to move back east. Earlier this year, Rotella sold his mansion in Seattle for $4.7 million; now he's paid a similar amount for an apartment in New York. Rotella and his wife, Esther, put down $4.1 million for a two-bedroom co-op at 101 Central Park West. The 2,200-square-foot apartment was first listed last year for $5.95 million. [Cityfile]
• Josh Grotstein, the CEO of the video sharing site Motionbox and a co-founder of the venture capital firm SAS Investors, is moving. He and his wife Leslie sold their apartment at 300 East 77th Street for $2.75 million. [Cityfile]

The airports were a mess yesterday. Today the chaos descended on commuter trains. Some sort of mysterious electrical problem shut down service on Amtrak and New Jersey Transit for nearly three hours this morning. But the problem has since been resolved and the trains are running again, so you no longer have an excuse to get out of visiting your relatives in New Jersey for Christmas, assuming that was something that had crossed your mind. [NYDN]

• Brittany Murphy's funeral has been scheduled for tomorrow, Christmas Eve. In other Brittany news, her super-sketchy husband Simon Monjack, who indicated initially that he didn't want an autopsy to be performed on Murphy, now says he wants to know exactly what caused her death, although he also says he's sure it didn't have anything to do with her having a drug problem or eating disorder of any kind; the coroner in LA is completely baffled how information about Murphy's giant cache of prescription drugs made its way to TMZ and says he's planning a full investigation; and in what may be the most twisted development of the day, it seems Murphy's LA home has already been added to a "Haunted Hollywood" tour.
• Poor Mischa Barton. She showed up at the Whole Foods in Soho with her Shih-Pom, Ziggy, and was then informed that the store doesn't permit dogs inside, even those that happen to belong to semi-famous people. [NYDN]
• Steven Tyler of Aerosmith says he's been addicted to painkillers for years and is now heading to rehab. [People]

France's first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, turns 42 today. Les Moonves, CBS's CEO, is turning 61. Badgley Mischka designer James Mischka is 49. Soap star Susan Lucci is 63. Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder is turning 45. Retired Army General (and onetime presidential aspirant) Wesley Clark turns 65 today. Conservative columnist Bill Kristol is 57. Author Donna Tartt is 46. NHL star Scott Gomez is turning 30. Model Estella Warren turns 31. '80s idol Corey Haim is 38. And Holly Madison, best known as the former girlfriend of Hugh Hefner and co-star of Girls Next Door, is downright ancient (by Playboy standards, at least) as she turns 30 today.

• Christian Delouvrier, the French chef who earned four stars at Lespinasse and later put in time at Alain Ducasse and David Bouley's Secession, is now behind the stove at the more modest La Mangeoire on 53rd and Second Ave. [NYT]
• Ravi DeRossi of Death & Co. and, more recently, Mayahuel, will open a Cuban sandwich shop next month and a rum lounge the month after that. [GS]
• Scarpetta could be opening a Las Vegas outpost in the near future. [P6]
• Giuseppe Cipriani was hit with another lawsuit today, this time for allegedly underpaying his workers; a Cipriani rep says it's "categorically untrue." [NYT]
• The Box's Simon Hammerstein is taking his shtick to Moscow for NYE. [P6]
• A few more local NYE options, if you're looking for that sort of thing. [Zagat]
• Lists: Bon Appétit rounds up the 10 best budget dishes of 2009. [BA]
• The color of your liquor determines your hangover, apparently. [NYDN]
• Bruce Willis is the latest celebrity to own a piece of a vodka company. [WSJ]