The stock market is down nearly 500 points this afternoon, we're in the middle of a deep recession, and tens of thousands of New Yorkers have lost their jobs. But if by some crazy chance you've managed to avoid the pain and suffering and you're looking for, say, a five-bedroom penthouse in Midtown, it's never been a better time to swoop down and make an offer. The prices of dozens of luxe apartments have been slashed in recent weeks. And while the rental market hasn't been crushed just yet, prices are very, very negotiable. That $60,000-a-month rental? You might just be able to offer up $30K a month and walk away with a deal. After the jump, the 20 most expensive apartment rentals in Manhattan, including Donald Trump's insanely overpriced $200,000-a-month penthouse at 502 Park, and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's equally ridiculous $47,500-a-month West Village spread.

Good news for Eliot Spitzer! The U.S. Attorney's office announced this afternoon that the former governor will not face charges in connection with that little scandal that ended his political career back in March: "We have concluded that the public interest would not be further advanced by filing charges in this matter." [NYDN]

♦ Michelle Obama may end up on the cover of Vogue in the next few months: "It's been a long-standing tradition to photograph the new first lady. So needless to say, we are very interested in working with Mrs. Obama." But Ebony may get there first. [WWD]
♦ Shares of Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. plunged today following the company's announcement it's revising its 2009 forecast. [Bloomberg]
♦ New York television critic John Leonard has died. [Vulture]
♦ A round of layoffs have hit Hearst, although the exact numbers haven't been released. [Folio]

Despite the frequency with which willowy, young models end up shacking up with fat, old billionaires, Elite Model Management would like to make it very clear that it is not an escort agency. You cannot just pay some enormous fee, pick a stick-thin girl from a lineup, and then take her into a room for some "companionship." This explains why the modeling agency was none too pleased when it found out that a Manhattan escort agency was using the Elite name (and the domain elitemodels.cc) to market $7,500 prostitutes.

Do terms like conservative and liberal actually mean anything, or are they just empty labels that people toss around? Frequently the latter, says a group of Columbia University psychologists.

Former Lehman Brothers CEO Richard Fuld led his firm into bankruptcy, was subjected to blistering criticism by lawmakers on Capitol Hill, was officially "terminated" yesterday by the firm he led for a quarter-century, and will be selling off $20 million worth of art next week to keep up his lavish lifestyle. So how is he handling the roughest stretch of his life? He's doing okay! At the New York Public Library benefit on Monday, an Observer reporter spotted Fuld and his wife, Kathy, and reports the couple was "looking relatively cheery." [NYO]

Natalie Portman walking her dog in the West Village ... A bundled up Scarlett Johansson walking with friends ... Ashanti posing outside the Early Show ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts grabbing coffee ... Julianne Moore walking in the East Village ... Ed Westwick leaving a photo shoot for K-Swiss ... Whitney Port standing under an umbrella with a friend ... Jessica Alba on the set of her new film in Brooklyn ... Jessica Szohr trying on clothes at a French Connection store ... country singer Brad Paisley waving outside the Letterman show ... Kate Winslet talking on her phone in the meatpacking district ... and Katie Holmes and Suri walking under an oversized lady bug umbrella.

Honestly, art buyers, why even show up to auctions if you're going to cowardly balk at multi-million dollar estimates? At last night's Christie's sale combining the 19th and 20th century art collections of Park Avenue widow Rita Hillman and property heiress Alice Lawrence, works by Manet, Cézanne, Renoir, Rothko, and de Kooning were left on the block, making an overall tally of $47 million, not even close to the presale estimate of $103 to $150 million.

Which wife of a very prominent hedge fund manager was spotted at Hermès last week returning thousands of dollars worth of merchandise? Her husband was in the news recently after his fund announced huge losses in the wake of the market meltdown.

♦ Former Lehman CFO Erin Callan has gone into contract on an apartment at 40 East 66th Street, one month after cashing out at 15 CPW. The Credit Suisse exec is reportedly paying between $7.5 and $8 million for the three-bedroom condo. [NYP]
♦ Tommy Hilfiger has found a new apartment to rent. (His Plaza apartment remains on the market for $50 million.) The fashion mogul is reportedly paying $50,000 a month for a five-bedroom spread at 807 Park Avenue, inside the converted townhouse that was owned by Diddy until 2004. [NYP]
♦ A week ago, we reported Bella Sapir had closed on a new penthouse at 250 East 53rd Street for $8.895 million. Now the Post reports she's already trying to flip the place for a profit. She's relisted the 4,500-square-foot spread for $13.5 million with Corcoran's Angela Rapoport. [NYP, Corcoran]

When you get engaged to the son of a billionaire, it's only to be expected that you'll develop expensive tastes. The Smoking Gun has copy of M.I.A.'s tour rider, which stipulates that the singer be provided with a long list of cheeses, including cave-aged Gruyère. [TSG]

Yesterday's gigantic New York Times headline—"OBAMA"—was only the fourth time in history that the newspaper has used the 96-point type. (The others, in case you're curious: "MEN WALK ON MOON," "NIXON RESIGNS," and "U.S. ATTACKED.") Also: Copies of the paper are now going for as much as $100 on Ebay. [E&P via kottke]

On last night's episode of Stylista, the contestants were divided into teams and tasked with devising a "shopping" page, one of those cheap-to-create catalogue-ish pages that highlight an alleged trend. When the hour of judgment rolled around, one team got roundly scolded by Joe Zee and Anne Slowey for not bothering to include store details and prices because, Anne frowned, what on earth is the point of looking at something if she cannot instantly totter off to purchase it? Elle would never feature clothes that aren't actually available to anyone, right? Um, not exactly, as the Times' Eric Wilson discovers during an intrepid investigation into what those three tantalizing little words, "price upon request," actually mean.

Bernie Kerik is now holding fundraisers to come up with cash to defend himself against numerous charges of bribery and lying to Federal officials. VBS.tv was lucky enough to pay a visit to the former police commissioner at his home in New Jersey a few weeks ago, and it turns out Kerik is about as creepy a man as you'll ever find who isn't a member of an armed militia in Idaho. His property is home to a pack of vicious dogs, he's a hard-core Motley Crue fan, and he keeps ruins from the World Trade Center in his home office. Oh, and despite the fact Rudy Giuliani won't talk to him anymore, he still thinks the former mayor would have made a most excellent president. Click through for the video.

Misery Loves Companies has an amusing list of "things we look forward to imploding" amid the economic downtown. A few items mentioned: "15 Central Park West, Masa, the Robin Hood Foundation Annual Benefit (The Foundation can stay), Birthday parties with AAA singers who don't know the birthday boy/girl, birthday or anniversary parties you fly to, Tom Ford's Men's Store..." [Misery Loves Companies]

Ethan Hawke turns 38 today. Mike Nichols, director, four-time divorcé, and husband of Diane Sawyer, is 77. Sally Field is 62. California's First Lady, Maria Shriver, is 53. Michael Cunningham, the author of The Hours, is 56. TV host Catherine Crier is 54. Actress Kelly Rutherford is 40. Rebecca Romijn is 36. Thandie Newton is 36. Taryn Manning is 30. And your favorite former Manhattan Borough President, Ruth Messinger, celebrates her 68th birthday today.

♦ Now that she doesn't have Guy Ritchie to boss around, Madonna is finding more time to control everyone else: She's supposedly been "begging" Gwyneth Paltrow to leave her London home so they can spend more time together in New York. She's also busy orchestrating a reunion between Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears: All three will be performing together at Madge's concert in LA tonight. [The Sun, E!]
♦ Padma Lakshmi is apparently on a "man-search" for a filthy rich boyfriend now that her flings with Ted Forstmann and Russell Simmons are over. [P6]
♦ Now that the election is over, Tina Fey says she will be officially retiring her Sarah Palin impression. [Extra]

♦ The Bank of England slashed its key interest rate to 3 percent. And it may go even lower. [Marketwatch]
♦ The short list for Treasury Secretary: Larry Summers, Tim Geithner, Paul Volcker, and Bob Rubin. [WSJ]
♦ Steve Schwarzman's Blackstone Group reported a $502.5 million loss for the third quarter. [DB]
♦ More chatter about falling bonuses: One study says the drop could be 20 and 35 percent on average with a 70 percent fall-off for some top execs. [NYT]

Sarah Palin is the gift that keeps on giving. This evening Fox News shared a few more incriminating details about the Alaska governor, little anecdotes from inside the McCain camp that Fox says it couldn't release up until now because they were off-the-record. So how bad is it? It's bad. Check out the video for the full rundown. The best bit: Palin wasn't aware that Africa was a continent, not a country.

♦ Henri Bendel updated its window display this morning to account for the results of the election: "The cocktail-dress-wearing mannequins have been moved over to the blue polling booth, someone cracked a bottle of champagne (and drank it, leaving an empty bottle and glass), and there's a strange, lipstick-edged cake on the floor." [Racked]
♦ While most of the country was consumed by election fever, some fashionistas were all ready en route to support an equally important issue: Brazilian swimwear! The Claro Rio Summer show kicks off in Rio today, and Zani Gugelmann, Amy Sacco, Fiona Scarry, Natalia Vodianova and Justin Portman, and Michael Roberts are all there. [CR, CR, stylefile]