Contrary to popular belief, the massive amount of time teenagers spend online does not necessarily mean they're destroying their minds and social skills while being lured to a deserted truckstop by a 50-year-old miscreant posing as a 14-year-old fellow Jonas Brothers fan. A new study by the MacArthur Foundation suggests—not very convincingly, but still—that the internet is giving kids "the technological skills and literacy they need to succeed in the contemporary world. They're learning how to get along with others, how to manage a public identity, how to create a home page."

♦ After briefly listing his fifth-floor "Astor Suite" apartment at the Plaza for $55 million for one day in September and then taking it off the market, Esprit's Jurgen Friedrich has put the 5,000-square-foot spread back on the market for $38 million. [NYP]
♦ David Smilow, the co-founder of TeleBank, which was sold in 2000 to E*Trade for more than $1 billion, has put his duplex penthouse at 140 Perry Street on the market for $19.5 million. Curbed.com has photos and a floor plan here. [Cityfile, Corcoran]
♦ Screenwriter and director James Toback has listed his 15th-floor apartment at the Majestic for $3.75 million. The 2,200-square-foot apartment comes with two bedrooms and a handful of celebrity neighbors including Conan O'Brien. [NYP, BHS]

It's official: The art market has crashed and just like with real estate, expensive artworks are now worth considerably less than their owners paid for them. Shares of Sotheby's, worth $50 a year ago, have fallen to $9, and the auction house is now planning to let staff go—or, as CEO William Ruprecht puts it, "we'll be resizing our organization." Previously white-hot artists are finding that collectors are no longer fighting to pay millions for their pieces, although it's hard to feel too bad for anyone who's ever sold a canvas daubed with paint for seven figures.

Today is the Great American Smoke Out, the perfect day to speculate, as Michael Kinsley has in today's Washington Post, that it's doubtful that Barack Obama has really managed to kick the habit: "If Obama actually has accomplished the miracle of giving up cigarettes at the apogee of a presidential race, he should be happy to let us know this and add to his superman image." But Kinsley appears willing to forgive him for his sins: "Obama's steely calm is now one of our country's major assets. If he needs an occasional cigarette to preserve it, let's hand him an ashtray, offer him a light and look the other way." [WaPo]

Joe Biden has one more thing to celebrate today: It's his 66th birthday. Others blowing out candles today: The Soup's Joel McHale is 37. Author Don DeLillo is 72. Longtime TV journalist Judy Woodruff is 62. Avant-garde singer Meredith Monk turns 66. Bo Derek is 52. Former U.N. ambassador John Bolton is turning 60. The Beastie Boys' Mike D is 43. Hannah Montana star Cody Linley is turning 19. And Mark Gastineau, former football star, ex-husband of Lisa, and father of Brittny, is 52 years old.

♦ Paris Hilton has broken up with Benji Madden after nine months of dating, reportedly so she can return to the party circuit and possibly reunite with her ex, Stavros Niarchos. The second part of Paris' plan might be tougher than she thought, though, since Stavros may have his eye on Annabelle Dexter-Jones. [Star, People, P6]
♦ Anna Wintour's reps say she has no intention of leaving Vogue. And she has no plans to accept a "cultural post" in Barack Obama's White House either, just so you know. [MSNBC]
♦ Have Madonna and Guy Ritchie finally reached a divorce settlement? The couple has supposedly sealed a deal that will let Madge keep her cash and allow Rocco and David to spend half their time living with Guy in England. [ThisIsLondon]
♦ Winona Ryder's British Airways flight had to make a special landing in London yesterday after she fell ill, allegedly because she "accidentally overdosed" on Xanax. [The Sun, NYDN]

♦ The effort by U.S. automakers to secure a bailout hit a major roadblock after execs from the Big Three were sent home by Congress empty-handed. The behind-the-scenes negotiations continue. [WSJ, Bloomberg]
♦ Shares of JPMorgan Chase, Citigroup and Bank of America are at multi-year lows as the Dow hovers at a six-year low of its own. [DB, DB]
♦ GMAC, controlled by Steve Feinberg's Cerberus Capital, says it's applied to become a bank holding company so it will be eligible for bailout cash. [DB]
♦ GE has turned to China and Singapore as it looks to raise cash. [Bloomberg]
♦ Harbinger's Phil Falcone is pulling back on his media investments. He's reduced his exposure to the New York Times and Media General, just months after fighting for board representation. [WSJ]
♦ Deutsche Bank plans to cut 900 more jobs. [NYP]
♦ Weekly jobless claims have reached a 16-year high. [MW]

Is it possible to turn on the news and not hear about another ship that's been hijacked by a bunch of Somali pirates looking to collect some extortion money? Piracy at sea hasn't generated this much public attention since the 16th century! Naturally, we don't condone these violent, criminal acts, nor do we recommend taking up a career as a pirate, even if you were just canned by a media company or investment bank and you're wondering how you're going to pay your rent next month. But if you've already made up your mind and you're planning to take the LIRR out to the Hamptons, rent a Zodiac, and take over the boat of a local billionaire—or you're just planning to pay a friendly visit and drop off your resume in person—we've put together a colorful chart of yachts owned by a bunch of notable New Yorkers, just so you make sure you're climbing aboard the right ship. Just don't blame us if you're subjected to a treatise on the economy by Steve Forbes, a lecture on Scientology by Greta Van Susteren, or a tongue-lashing by Judge Judy. The larger chart is here.

The market tanked once again today: The Dow dropped more than 400 points to close below 8,000 for the first time since March 2003. We'd share with you some good news, but we're not sure there is any, so you'll have to dream something up yourself. [CNNMoney]

♦ The Marc Jacobs bribery scandal has finally been resolved. Earlier this year, it was alleged that an employee of the Armory was paid off so that Jacobs' company could secure the venue for runway shows. Now the company has paid $1 million to settle the matter. In happier news, Jacobs says he's eager to make an honest man of his boyfriend Lorenzo Martone: "If I can get him to marry me, I would." [NYP, The Cut]
♦ The Scientologist wears Miu Miu? Katie Holmes is rumored to the new face of Prada's hipper, younger sister. [Fashionologie]
♦ Miuccia Prada's non-sartorial items are diversifying at a dizzying pace: Here's a handy guide to Prada's phones, trinkets, and even cars. [SassyBella]

Last week an Ohio woman filed suit against Victoria's Secret for selling itchy bras allegedly manufactured with formaldehyde. Now another woman has decided to jump on the bandwagon! In a Federal class action lawsuit filed on Monday, Jerilyn Amaya alleges that Victoria's Secret "fraudulently concealed" the fact that its undergarments cause "allergic reactions, contact dermatitis, blistering, itching, hives, rashes, scarring, [and] systemic reactions." Sounds painful! Amaya is now asking a court to impose punitive damages on the company on behalf of herself and any other consumers affected by the faulty bras, a group that, we assume, does not include Adriana Lima and Alessandra Ambrosio, both of whom appeared to be blister-free when they walked the catwalk for Victoria's Secret in Miami this past weekend. Amaya's full lawsuit is after the jump.

♦ Frank Bruni delivered a zero-star review to Kurve in today's Times. After complaining about the puzzling service and frequent menu substitutions, he wonders how any restaurateur could "pour this much money and this much vanity into a project and bungle it to the extent that the Kurve brigade does?" [NYT]
♦ Noah Tepperberg's plans for the space formerly occupied by Earth weren't approved at a community board meeting last night, but they weren't denied either. [GS]
♦ The early reviews have been mixed for the new tapas bar Txikito. [Eater]
♦ The latest drink trend involves adding a blob of bacteria and yeast to sweetened tea. [NYP]

♦ Time Inc. is slashing another 250 jobs. [NYP]
♦ CNN is spending a fortune on fancy-shmancy technology and new talent, but it's making a mint, too: The network is recording double-digit profit growth for the fifth straight year. [NYO]
♦ Dan Abrams is starting some sort of research firm/expert network/PR agency now that he's been replaced by Rachel Maddow at MSNBC. His first client is Ron Perelman. [NYT]
♦ 60 Minutes has been the most-watched program in the nation for the last two weeks, believe it or not. [NYT]

Yesterday we sent a big batch of coupons to Goldman Sachs chief Lloyd Blankfein, just in case he was thinking of cutting back on his spending now that he won't be receiving a $60 million bonus at the end of the year. Today we're bestowing charity on the most beleaguered CEO on Wall Street this week, Vikram Pandit. The Citigroup chief announced plans to dismiss 50,000 people earlier this week, and Citi shares tumbled to a historic low today as the bank teeters on the edge of the abyss. Sounds like someone needs a little cheering up!

The city is looking for a developer to turn to the Bellevue' Psychiatric Hospital on 30th and First Avenue into a luxury hotel. Really. [Curbed]

One of most poignant—and adorable!—symbols of the recession yet: In Greenwich one recent morning, "the only creature strolling the showroom floor of Carriage House Motor Cars was a tiny mouse." The Connecticut town that has traditionally been home to the Wall Streeters and gazillionaire hedge funds is swathed in gloom, reports Reuters. Car salesmen, jewelers, florists, real estate agents, and interior decorators, all accustomed to lavishly catering to well-heeled local residents, are suddenly finding themselves high and dry.

Alberto Vilar, the wealthy financier, co-founder of Amerindo Investment Advisors, and mega-donor to the Metropolitan Opera, was convicted of all 12 counts in his securities fraud trial this morning. "Mr. Vilar, 67, blinked when the first guilty verdict was pronounced by the foreman in a United States District courtroom but remain stone-faced." [NYT]

Further evidence that hip hop is dead: Snoop Dogg's appearance on Martha Stewart's show yesterday during which the rapper showed off that timeless Thanksgiving favorite, cognac-laced mashed potatoes. Click on the video to watch as the self-described "homegirl from New Jersey" picks up a few new vocab words from the former resident of Compton.

Philip Seymour Hoffman walking with a friend in Chelsea ... Carla Bruni blowing a kiss to photgraphers outside the Letterman show ... Rihanna arriving at JFK ... Naomi Watts walking in SoHo ... Keanu Reeves carrying a Barneys bag in Central Park ... James Franco leaving the New York Times building and later arriving at Letterman's studios ... actor Emile Hirsch walking with friends ... Katie Holmes leaving the Schoenfeld Theatre after a performance ... and a spandex-clad Robin Williams riding his bike at night.

There's something surreal/delightful about a swishy dressmaking contest provoking such a momentous battle between a couple of bald, middle-aged, Jewish heterosexuals. Yes, Harvey Weinstein and NBC's Jeff Zucker are still squabbling about Project Runway, and, to the chagrin of the show's many devoted fans, seem no closer to kissing and making up. For those of us who haven't managed to quite grasp the intricacies of this particular catfight, today's Times breaks it down: Weinstein, whose company produces the series, tried to move it from NBC-owned Bravo to Lifetime, because he hates Bravo's president Lauren Zalaznick. But Zucker said, hold on, NBC has the right of first refusal to keep the show on one of its channels, and filed suit.