David Patrick Columbia comes through in a big way today: The social chronicler managed to get his hands on a photo of Bernie Madoff watching TV in his living room last night! The pic was taken at 9pm—his evening curfew is 7pm—so Madoff didn't have any choice but to be home. But what was he watching? The only thing spookier than the sight of New York's most hated man parked in front of the TV putting pretzels in his mouth is the thought that he might have watching himself on television, too.

These times are difficult for everyone: Even if you don't actually need to curtail your spending, you're obliged to pretend that you do, and even if you went out of your way to marry rich, you're probably expected to dial down your profligacy a notch. But what about arguably the city's most important demographic group, single women? The glossy playground of Cosmos and Louboutins that Carrie Bradshaw enjoyed in the late '90s is but a distant memory, and today there's an entirely new reality to adapt to. As always, we're here to help: After the jump, some vital tips for unattached women who have been forced to count the pennies, but still want to participate in New York's notoriously cut-throat dating scene.

• Giorgio Armani is moving ahead with his massive Fifth Avenue flagship, which he says will open on February 18th: "New York needs glamour. It needs size. This store is an act of faith toward the Americans and Fifth Avenue shoppers." [Racked]
• Alice Temperley is the latest designer to announce she's skipping a Fashion Week runway show. [WSJ]
• Tommy Hilfiger, however, is moving to the tents this year, and Max Azria says his three shows will go ahead as planned. [WWD, WSJ]
• Pamela Anderson is the newest model for Vivienne Westwood. [R29]
• Agy Deyn appears in a new, T-sponsored movie. [Fashionista]
• Donna Karan has cancelled her Christmas party. [WWD]
• What it's like to shop at Bergdorf as the wife of a Russian gazillionaire. [NYT]

Hearty congrats to Deborah Trachtenberg, the fame-obsessed partygoer better known as Devorah Rose: According to the social networking site aSmallWorld (which is still in business, by the way), she's the 34th most notable social in New York! (All that money she's been handing over to Columbia seems to be paying off nicely, doesn't it?) The "Top 100" list appears in the debut issue of "aSmallMagazine," which promises to cover the "cultural return to sincerity," an era defined by "the end of flash and a return to substance." How does placing socialites on a list constitute "substance"? Did we mention the issue also has "a peak behind the walls of one of the world's last totalitarian regimes, North Korea." It does! They've covered all the bases! aSmallWorld's announcement to site members is below.

Something to think about while you're biting into that yellowfin tuna roll tonight: Jeremy Piven's sketchy doctor claims the mercury poisoning that supposedly caused him to bail out of Speed-the-Plow (and escape New York altogether) was caused by eating too much sushi. His doctor didn't explain where all this mercury-laden sushi came from, but we'll go ahead and assume he isn't planning to pin the blame on Nobu considering he was banned from all of Nobu Matsuhisa's restaurants last year. [Us]

Looking for a last-minute rental for the holidays? It's your lucky day. Tony Danza's ski house in Park City is now available. Private hot tub, wraparound patio/deck, and large-screen projection TV included. Price negotiable! [Real Estalker]

Today may be Dan Loeb's 47th birthday, but the billionaire hedge fund manager didn't take the day off work to hang out at his mansion in East Hampton or tool around his $45 million apartment at 15 Central Park West. Did he turn up at the office today? Did the Loebs go on vacation? We have no clue, but we're pleased to report that despite the market losses he's sustained recently (and that little issue with his Gulfstream jet), he still has an "estate manager" on the payroll. Comforting news in these troubled times! We would recommend, however, that the Loebs consider upgrading the home answering machine at their Hamptons house. That thing sounds dreadful. [Cityfile voicemails]

• Chuck Todd has been named NBC's chief White House correspondent. [HP]
• The TV Guide channel has been sold for $300 million. [NYT]
• Both Doubleday and Crown's Broadway imprint laid off staff today. [NYT]
• More on the cost cuts planned at Random House. [NYO]
• Omnicom is cutting 5 percent of its work force, or about 3,000 people. [AP]
• Nominations for the 15th annual SAG Awards were announced today. [THR]

We paid a visit to Bernie Madoff's Manhattan apartment last night (or at least the Chinese food deliveryman we sent over did). But what about the houses in Palm Beach and Montauk? On the left, you'll see Madoff's digs in Florida. The photo on the right is of his beachfront home on Long Island. Brokers interested in offering up these homes on Madoff's behalf can reach out to the man who will be charging Madoff $750 an hour for the next four years or so, Ira Sorkin.

As if life wasn't challenging enough with the looming threat of grinding poverty, no Gossip Girl until January, and Kate Winslet starring in two holiday movies, now women everywhere are faced with the mother of all conundrums: Get an "edgy pixie haircut," thus obeying the laws of style but repelling all male attention, or ignore the trend and consign yourself to fashion loserdom while remaining a sex object? Short hair, you see, is "like sending a nonverbal message that you're not interested in sex," counsels "dating guru" Matt Titus, author of Why Hasn't He Called? Wow, knowing that, it's all the more admirable how Winona Ryder has still managed to sleep with every single indie musician in North America and a few in Europe.

Bill Clinton finally came clean today and posted a list of the more than 200,000 people who have donated to his foundation over the years. Unfortunately, putting the information on his website—after declining to do so for so long now—probably explains why the Clinton Foundation website is now down. Try again later, scandal-seeking Republicans! [NYT]

Social queen Tinsley Mortimer was kind enough to scan the profile of her in the December issue of Palm Beach Illustrated and send it over to Park Avenue Peerage. And what do you know? According to the glossy mag, Tinz is just now stepping "into the spotlight" and taking "the world by storm," a phenomenon you're welcome to attribute to her "brains, beauty and exquisite taste." But there's so much more! Did you know, for example, she grew up in the biggest house in her "part of the state" of Virginia? That she was a nationally-ranked tennis player in her teens? Were you aware that she was actually really shy up until just a few years ago when she came out of her shell?

All Bernie Madoff coverage [Cityfile]

Scott Conant and Chris Cannon used to be partners in a pair of highly-rated Italian restaurants, Alto and L'Impero. The two decided to go their separate ways in early 2007 (Conant now oversees the meatpacking district restaurant Scarpetta), and while their split may have appeared amicable at first, things devolved over the summer when Conant directed some tough words at Cannon in the pages of New York Restaurant Insider and even suggested his former partner was incompetent. "Something tells us this won't be the last time hard words come out," New York's Grub Street surmised at the time. You can say that again. Last week Conant filed a suit against Cannon in New York Supreme Court, alleging that Cannon has failed to pay him $104,440.67 in deferred compensation. Cannon, for his part, is now countersuing, arguing that Conant violated the terms of his contract as well as defamed him in the New York Restaurant Insider interview, a violation, he says, of the "non-disparaging remarks" provision in the separation agreement they signed in 2007. After the jump, all the salacious details contained in the suit.

Feeling a little socially overextended over the next couple of weeks? You can always blame your Ambien prescription for accepting that email invitation to your friend's cousin's Christmas party. One woman says that after increasing her dose, she "received a puzzling phone call from a friend who said she was accepting her dinner invitation," one that she couldn't remember extending. The woman's friend then pointed out that she'd sent the invite by e-mail the night before, although she had no recollection of ever sending it. We're thinking this could also work for denying all knowledge of/responsibility for drunk dialing. [ABC]

Remember Rob Morrison, the WNBC anchor who was fired a few months ago? Yea, well, if you bump into him on the street, it's probably best if you don't ask him what he's doing these days. Just ask him about his kids. Or chat about the weather. He'll be most grateful. [HuffPo]

It looks like the Greenwich planning commission is giving hedge funder Steve Cohen an early Chrismukkah present: It voted 5-to-0 in favor of his application to add an additional 1,145 square feet to his already-ridiculous 35,084-square-foot house. (Yes, he's the guy with a Rockefeller Center-sized ice rink and Zamboni on his property.) Coming soon to the Cohen residence: A bit more storage space, a "breakfast room," and an expanded "his" dressing room, which he'll undoubtedly fill up with those fleece jackets he's so fond of. [Dealbook]

As startling as this may sound, when people are worried about whether or not they'll be able to keep paying their mortgages, they generally don't rush to the cosmetic surgeon to have their eyebags removed or their boobs inflated. Oh, but don't just take the New York Times' word for it: J. Kevin Thompson, a psychology professor at the University of South Florida, no less, confirms that it "would be a rational decision to put the safety of your home first."

• Nearly seven months after it was reported that Christine Wasserstein, the second wife of Bruce Wasserstein, had found a buyer for her apartment at 1030 Fifth Avenue, she's finally closed on the sale, albeit for less than its original $34 million asking price. The 11th-floor co-op, which is still listed in Bruce's name on property records, sold to Blackstone senior managing director Prakash Melwani for $27.5 million. [Cityfile]
• Denise LeFrak Calicchio has paid $2.55 million for a two-bedroom condo at 255 East 74th Street. [Real Deal]
• Is there no one in the world who wants a faux Roman palace? Victoria Gotti has put her Old Westbury mansion on the market for the fifth time in recent years. The manse is now listed at $3.5 million. [Newsday, Laffey]
• Film producer Vittorio Cecchi Gori has put his 5,500-square-foot penthouse at the Trump International on the market for $28.5 million. [NYP, PDE]

So nice to see CNBC and Fox Business setting aside their differences and making a special effort to get along this holiday season! Fox Business sent out an amusing Christmas card yesterday depicting CNBC's (ridiculous, unreliable) Jim Cramer as the Grinch and mocking him for recommending Bear Stearns and Wachovia just before both companies tanked. (Click here for a larger pic of the card.) Naturally, CNBC was quick to fire back, telling the Post today that "if Fox Business News sends a card to every viewer, advertiser and individual who has ever seen or even heard of FBN it would be the smallest holiday card print run in history." You wouldn't expect that quote to go unanswered, would you? Replies a Fox insider: "Perhaps the humorless, out of touch folks at CNBC should pull their heads out of Englewood Cliffs and embrace the reality of a viable competitor." Looks like it's your turn, CNBC! In the meantime, we'll take some comfort in knowing that while the financial markets are thoroughly depressing these days, the feuds between financial news networks are as entertaining as ever!