It's getting ugly out there for celebs who branched out into the hospitality business. Robert De Niro's Ago is on the ropes, Jay-Z's plans to open a hotel in Chelsea have been derailed, and now after 10 years in business, Chris Noth's Cutting Room will be closing in January. The sudden closure probably comes as disappointing news for Noth but he can always drown his sorrows at Noel Ashman's Plumm, where he's an investor and which is still in business, in case you were wondering. [Page Six]

Forget protecting the city from terrorist attacks or solving crime. The NYPD's biggest concern these days, at least according to People magazine? "The mob scene that could result when the Jonas Brothers perform in Times Square" on New Year's Eve. The only thing that will save New York's Finest from the utter mayhem? The weather forecast of 17 degrees and a chance of snow and rain. [People]

It looks like Maimon Kirschenbaum didn't make any plans to take time off for Hanukkah. The lawyer famous for filing suit against just about every other restaurant in town for underpaying employees has picked the Japanese sushi chain Haru (which, in turn, is owned by Benihana Inc.) as his latest target. According to a complaint filed last week in U.S. District Court on behalf of former Haru waiter Jin-Yi Hong (as well as any other Haru employees who have yet to come forward, naturally), Kirschenbaum argues that the restaurant failed to pay its waiters minimum wage, withheld overtime pay, and forced them to share tips with managers. Haru is in fine company, of course: Kirschenbaum's previous targets have included Nobu, Jean Georges, Bouley, BondSt, Balthazar, BLT Steak, BLT Prime, and BLT Fish. The details of his latest legal offensive after the jump!

The Business Sheet was kind enough to dig up (and scan in) the 2002 Vanity Fair article on the "fabulous Noel sisters," the daughters of disgraced hedge fund manager Walter Noel, the man who handed over $7.5 billion to Bernie Madoff. The article concludes by pointing out that none of the five Noel girls have never been mixed up in any unseemly scandals. Guess there's a first for everything! [Business Sheet]

• Despite the change in moderators, NBC's Meet the Press continues to dominate the Sunday morning competition. [THR]
• MTV has canceled 50 Cent's reality show. [NYP]
• The New York Times Co. is busy trying to raise capital, but the company may have to take more radical action to turn the ship around. [Reuters]
• Magazine editors on how to find happiness in 10 minutes or less. [WWD]
• It's been a lousy year for most media moguls, but Liberty Media's John Malone appears to have had the least miserable one. [NYT]

It's a perfectly appropriate trend given the current craze for all things vampiric: staying young by preying on human tissue! Last month's story about baby foreskins eradicating wrinkles has been upstaged by the latest fountain of youth treatment from Tokyo: intravenous placenta extract, which, claim its devotees, makes one's skin "smoother and younger" as well as fights fatigue and treats various other ailments. Sadly, placental transfusions probably won't be offered at your local alternative health clinic anytime soon, but you could always be a brave pioneer and buy some online—and when people ask why you look so rested and glowing, just tell them you've got the contents of various strange women's uteri flowing through your veins.

Top row (from left): Daniel Craig, Russell Simmons, David Letterman. Bottom row (from left): Giorgio Armani, Beyonce, Donatella Versace.

It's not just Ivy League-educated investment bankers in Manhattan who are getting shown the door as Citigroup trims its payroll. The 50,000 job cuts are taking place at the bank's offices around the world, a process that doesn't seem to be going all that smoothly judging by the email we received from a recently-terminated Citigroup employee in India by the name of Chetan Kelawala. It's a rather depressing and complicated tale, and we're not sure we follow what happened to Kelawala exactly. (The details are contained in the email that Kelawala sent to Citi CEO Vikram Pandit, which appears after below.) And while we have no doubt that the Hindi-speaking Pandit will get to the bottom of this situation just as soon as he possibly can, just in case he forgets (or decides that the goings-on at Citigroup's Pushp Vihar office in Delhi don't merit his time), you're more welcome to email him a reminder at vikram.pandit@citi.com.

After all the obsessive coverage of Caroline Kennedy's verbal tics the last few days (and the potential damage her ineloquence will have on her bid to fill Hillary Clinton's Senate seat), it was only a matter of time before someone uploaded a Kennedy remix to the Web. The video is after the jump, but don't listen to it for more a few seconds. The original was bad enough. Listening to two "you know"-filled minutes is bound to drive any sane person mad.

Bernie Madoff's high-profile investors may be out of luck, but employees of his firm aren't getting totally left out in the cold. The trustee presiding over the liquidation of Madoff's investment firm convinced a bankruptcy judge this morning to release $28.1 million to cover employee salaries and other expenses. This should ensure that Mark and Andy Madoff—who both worked for their father and claim they had no knowledge of their dad's scheme—get to see a paycheck at the end of the week. Perhaps they can take another fishing trip to celebrate? [NYP]

A couple of weeks ago, it was revealed that Calvin Klein had asked for permission to demolish the ugly castle in Southampton he'd purchased a few years back for $30 million in order to replace it with a much more modern creation. So what does the notoriously fickle designer have planned for the beachfront plot? Intrepid blogger Sally Spanburgh filed a Freedom of Information Act request to find out, and she now has an architect's rendering to show for her efforts. The sketch seems to be more in line with Klein's minimalist aesthetic; whether recommendation letters from Aby Rosen and Ian Schrager will be enough to get him approval from the Southampton Village Board of Historic Preservation has yet to be decided.

Bill and Hillary Clinton are going to be pushing the ceremonial button to lower the ball in Times Square on New Year's Eve! No, it's not quite like as exciting as having your finger on the button in the Oval Office, but the opportunity to make small talk with Ryan Seacrest should more than make up for it. [NYP]

Looking for a new job after your layoff? You might want to target online dating companies, which are positively raking it in as the recession intensifies everyone's loneliness and insecurity. Sites like Match.com are seeing major jumps in new memberships, because people "crave reassurance and comfort during stressful economic times like this," as one New Jersey therapist puts it.

• James Torrey and his wife, Podie Lynch, have gone into contract to sell their 23rd-floor apartment at 131 East 66th Street, which they originally listed for $14.5 million in October and dropped to $12.5 million a month later. Torrey is the founder of the hedge fund Torrey Associates and was one of Barack Obama's top fundraisers during the 2008 election cycle. [Cityfile]
• Publishing entrepreneur and Democratic fundraiser Win McCormack has paid $8.7 million for a 12th-floor apartment at 170 East End Avenue. His new neighbors will include Adam Bronfman, Johan Santana, Dominique Levy, and Michael Fascitelli. [Cityfile]
• Former Lehman Brothers exec Marco Naldi has sold his three-bedroom apartment (and accompanying storage unit) at 545 West 110th Street for $2.55 million to Verizon exec Shawn Strickland. [Cityfile]
• Architect Jay Lockett has sold his family's waterfront property on Beach Lane in Quogue to Randy and Bev Cardo for $2.15 million. [Newsday]

Nightlife vet Amy Sacco turns 41 today. Strangely, Today show co-anchors Meredith Vieira and Matt Lauer happen to share the same birthday, too: Meredith is turning 55, while Matt is 51. Fox News' Sean Hannity is 47. Entertainment lawyer Allen Grubman (and the husband of Deborah and father of Lizzie) is 66. Tiger Woods is turning 33. Film director Bennett Miller is 42. Patti Smith is turning 62. WCBS political reporter Marcia Kramer is 60. Actress Eliza Dushku is 28. R&B singer Tyrese is 30. Comedian Tracey Ullman is 49. LeBron James is 24. Laila Ali is 31. Heidi Fleiss is turning 43. And New York County Clerk Norman Goodman—the man responsible for all those jury duty summonses—is 85.

• People won the bidding war for photos of Bristol Palin's baby, Tripp, and could be paying as much as $300,000 as part of the deal. [MSNBC]
• Mia Farrow's adopted daughter Lark died on Christmas Day. [NYDN]
• Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer spent Christmas on separate coasts, which obviously means their relationship is on the rocks. [Daily Mail]
• According to the always-reliable National Enquirer, Regis Philbin is refusing to help out his son Daniel financially, even though he's a double amputee and ekes out a living selling crafts. [NE]
• Disgraced billionaire Henry Samueli is dumping his jet to raise cash. [P6]
• The economic meltdown doesn't seem to be affecting the champagne-swilling partygoers on St. Barts this season, you'll be relieved to hear. [P6]

The Wall Street Journal published an excellent piece today on the fall of Lehman Brothers, which is worth a read if you're into that sort of thing, you have access to the Journal site, and you have the patience to digest a 4,800-word article. This afternoon WSJ.com followed up with a few casting suggestions for the movie that will inevitably be made about the biggest bankruptcy in history, and while we can't say we're convinced about George Clooney playing John Thain, Ben Kingsley in the role of Dick Fuld strikes us as an unusual and yet oddly compelling choice. It's certainly better than what the Celebrity Match Up game came up with: The site's facial recognition software picked Andy Garcia as Fuld's ideal stand-in. [WSJ/Deal Journal]

• The City debuts tonight on MTV! New York has details on the goings-on behind the scenes and what Olivia Palermo is hoping to gain from the spotlight: "Like, maybe I'll start a jewelry line,” [NYM]
• Is Christina Aguilera planning to design a collection for Topshop? [Mirror]
• With holiday sales the worst in 40 years, analysts are predicting 73,000 stores may close in the first half of 2009. [Bloomberg]
• Erin Fetherston may have a hotel project in the works. [HC]
• Tom Ford and Judith Leiber have new Rodeo Drive stores planned. [WWD]
• Chanel is cutting 200 jobs. [Guardian]
• The new parent company of Bill Blass says it's planning to revive the brand's high-end collection within "9 to 12 months." [WSJ]
• Dov Charney's American Apparel has another legal mess on its hands. [WWD]

The current issue of The New Yorker has the details on the frightening surge in dognappings on the Upper West Side: "There's a two-man team, with one in a gray hoodie on a bicycle who comes by and slices the leash with a razor, then goes away with the dog. The other guy calls you up later on and says, 'Hey, I found your dog! What's it worth to you?'" Sounds horrifying, yes, but don't get too panicked just yet. Although versions of the story have been circulating for weeks, the 20th Precinct on the UWS has yet to receive a single report from a dognapping victim. Or a dognapping victim's owner, at least. [NYer]

• Adam Platt's annual "Where to Eat" guide is now online. [NYM]
• Ian Schrager may be talking to Scott Conant about taking over the Wakiya space inside the Gramercy Park Hotel. [Eater]
• Daniel Boulud shares a few of his fave places to eat in NYC. [Independent]
• The NYT asks the months-old question: Is Chloe the new Beatrice? [NYT]
• Hope you can do without guacamole: An avocado shortage is looming. [LAT]
• More options for New Year's Eve, in case you've yet to make plans. [FB]
• The documentary on Le Cirque and the Maccioni family airs tonight. [HBO]