You probably didn't imagine it was possible for perverted billionaire Jeffrey Epstein to look any worse than he already does. And yet he's managed to accomplish that feat, it seems. [PB Post, via]

John and Elizabeth Edwards. Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren. Brad and Angelina. Jon Gosselin and about half a dozen women in their 20s. In this day and age when the news is filled with stories and rumors about failed relationships, it's always heartwarming to come across a couple that shares a love that only grows stronger with each passing day, even if they happen to find themselves in the harsh glare of the spotlight from time to time. Thank you, Olivia Palermo and deutsche-über-model Johannes Huebl, for reminding us that love really does conquer all (or, you know, "die liebe besiegt alles"). [Elle]

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner got the pounding he was most certainly expecting when he headed to Capitol Hill today to answer questions about the bailout of AIG. If you missed it because you spent the entire afternoon discussing that new unfortunately-named oversized iPhone that Apple introduced today, you can watch one of the more heated exchanges after the jump.

Getting a ticket to the Vanity Fair Oscar party is pretty close to impossible. You either have to be really famous, really beautiful, or really rich (and if you fall into the latter category, you'll be expected to return the favor by giving Graydon Carter unfettered access to your jet, or enough capital to open a new restaurant). But that's changed. Now anyone can attend!

If you're going to set up a website pretending to be the official site of the World Economic Forum in Davos, and you're going to issue an apology in the name of the CEO of Goldman Sachs for creating "massive unemployment and misery," you probably want to make sure you spell the guy's name correctly. Also: Get a native English speaker to draft the press release. The small details make all the difference! [via BusinessInsider]

"Is your closet overloaded with designer clothes and shoes? Do you carry your teacup Maltese as an accessory? Do you live in an amazing home with maids, a chef, a personal assistant or a driver? Do you live a lifestyle everyone envies?"

You know that scene from Borat when Sacha Baron Cohen boards a subway with a live chicken? Yea, well, a homeless man was kind enough to reenact the scene on the 6 train last night. [Gothamist]

Hope all you smokers enjoyed the (temporary, unofficial) lifting of the city's smoking ban while it lasted. A couple of weeks after the front page of the Times' Sunday Styles section pointed out that the city wasn't doing much to enforce the law, and now the Health Department is taking action. It's now moving to shut down five clubs—The Box, M2, Lit Lounge, Southside, and the Imperial—after an "undercover sting" revealed repeated violations. And it says it's planning to crack down on other clubs and bars in the coming weeks. [NYDN]

Sofia Coppola walking with a friend in Soho yesterday ... Emma Roberts shopping at Intermix on Prince Street ... Hugh Jackman leaving a gym in the Village ... Ozzy Osbourne getting out of a SUV and later signing copies of his new book at a Barnes and Noble ... Josh Duhamel standing on Fifth Avenue ... Rosie O'Donnell arriving at Good Morning America ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking son James to school in the West Village ... Catherine Zeta-Jones leaving the Walter Kerr Theatre on West 49th Street ... and Jay-Z and Beyoncé leaving Nobu.

• Cynthia Nixon and her fiancée, education activist Christine Marinoni, have picked up a new weekend home: The couple are putting down $1.7 million for a 1,400-square-foot waterfront cottage in Montauk. [Newsday]
• Investment banker Lewis van Amerongen has gone into contract to sell his five-story townhouse at 13 East 71st Street, six months after slashing the price of the home by $8 million. The townhouse had been listed most recently for $16.95 million. [Cityfile, BHS]
• Kathleen Turner has dropped the price of her home in Amagansett by $1 million. The six-bedroom house, which has been on-and-off the market since 2005, is now listed for $4.95 million. [Newsday, PDE]
• It looks like the recent rumors about Anderson Cooper moving to a former firehouse in Village were true. The CNN anchor picked up the 8,240-square-foot building on West 3rd Street in September for $4.3 million and is now reportedly in the process of renovating the century-old building. [NYP]

Because he doesn't have enough to worry about right now what with the massive budget deficit in Albany and the prospect that thousands of state employees may be soon laid off, David Paterson is taking up a new cause: horse-drawn carriage rides in Central Park:

• Elin Nordegren and Tiger Woods may remain married, after all. Tiger supposedly wants to keep the relationship together because he "wants to go back to being a golf star with major endorsements," and is hoping to convince people he's "a good family man." (Good luck with that.) As for Nordegren, she'd like to make the marriage work for the sake of their two kids and is willing to stick with Woods "even if she and Tiger live together as friends instead of lovers." This all sounds incredibly promising, doesn't it? [People, NYDN]
• Exciting news, Jersey Shore fans: MTV and the cast of the hit show are said to be close to ironing out their differences over pay, and the fist-pumping and fake tanning may return to the air as soon as this summer. [Variety]
• In other Shore news, someone is shopping around naked photos of Jenni "J-Woww" Farley despite the fact that there's very little of her body that we haven't already seen. And Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi thinks of herself as "too classy" to be seen in the vicinity of Jerry Springer. [Radar, P6]
• What's going on with Brad and Angelina? According to one report, the couple did meet meet with a lawyer last week, but it was to do a little estate planning and "protect their children and property in case there's a rift in the future," not because they're actually planning to divorce. Then again a source tells E! that Brad Pitt hasn't been showering much recently and smells "like a wandering homeless person," which probably doesn't bode well. [NYDN, People, E!]

Two on-air personalities at MSNBC are celebrating birthdays today: Keith Olbermann is turning 51; and Ed Schultz, the host of The Ed Show, is 56. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts turns 55 today. Fashion designer Narciso Rodriguez is celebrating his 49th birthday. Model Lily Donaldson is 22. Alan Cumming is turning 45. Hedge funder Dan Och is 49. Bridget Fonda is turning 46. Retired ballet great Mikhail Baryshnikov is 62. Oscar-nominated actor James Cromwell is turning 70. Comedian Patton Oswalt turns 41. And actress Mimi Rogers, who may be best known for being the first wife of Tom Cruise, is 54 today.

[Photo via Flickr]

• How many people have signed up for Newsday.com since the newspaper put up a pay wall three months ago? A grand total of 35, believe it or not. [NYO]
• Following in Oprah's footsteps, Martha Stewart announced she's moving her syndicated TV show to cable (the Hallmark Channel) next fall. [Reuters, WSJ]
• NBC honcho Jeff Gaspin says he "underestimated the level of emotion" that would follow the decision to change up NBC's late-night schedule. Fortunately, the Olympics are here, which he says will be "a cleansing moment." [NYT, AP]
• Ratings are up at Fox News: The network was ranked No. 1 in primetime cable last week. Strangely, Fox News was also ranked "the most trusted name in news," according to a national survey released today. Seriously. [NYT, PD]
• There's lots of anxiety in the air over at CNN, not surprisingly. [Politico]
• Yet another Post staffer is suing the paper for discrimination. [Gawker]
• Roger Hodge, the editor of Harper's, has been let go. [NYT]
• More than 83 million people tuned in on Friday for the Haiti telethon. [LAT]
• Who's going to replace Simon Cowell on AI? Possibly one of these guys. [NYM]
• Nancy Grace loves cameras in courtrooms. Except when she's the one doing the testifying, in which case they can cause "embarrassment." [AP]

Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour is in Paris this week to attend the annual couture shows, naturally. But it seems she's also been doing a little lobbying on the side.

Jenni Farley of Jersey Shore is a busy, busy girl. In addition to her role as "MTV's newest sensation of reality TV," J-Woww's the founder of a clothing line, graphic design company, and "Long Island's top promotional company," and she recently introduced "an Insane Liquid formula that will gaurantee [sic] weight loss," too. All this has made her a very popular person, as you can probably imagine. But she doesn't want to see any of her devoted fans getting injured when they show up to her "homecoming celebration" later this week, a point she'll undoubtedly be stressing when she addresses her "security issues" at a press conference tomorrow:

When the news broke last night that Mayor Bloomberg had tapped Howard Wolfson to join his administration, some people wondered if it was a sign the mayor was thinking (once again) about running for president. So is he? "I have no plans to run for president of the United States in 2012 or 2016 or 20-anything," Bloomberg told reporters earlier today. So now you can go back to just worrying about Scott Brown and Sarah Palin's chances in 2012. [NYDN, AP]

Remember David Brooks, the Long Island defense contractor who spent $10 million on his daughter's bat mitzvah in 2005—the Rainbow Room blowout featured performances by Aerosmith, 50 Cent, Ciara, and Tom Petty among others—and was later accused of using company money to pay for it?

This is usually the time of year when politicians, big-shot bankers, and top diplomats converge on Davos, Switzerland for the annual World Economic Forum. But like last year, the event is expected to be far more downbeat than in years past when Angelina Jolie turned up to discuss global poverty and Naomi Campbell strutted around the Alpine village in very fashionable après-ski attire. This year the best attendees can look forward to is catching a glimpse of Chinese pianist Lang Lang or self-important director James Cameron. Depressing!