Please don't insist on having your dogs attend your wedding. Don't dress them up in special outfits, or make them play the role of ringbearer. Don't require they sit for wedding photos. Or send them for pre-wedding beauty treatments. Your guests may smile politely and tell you what a cute idea it is. These are the same people who will be laughing at you for weeks to come. (Unless, that is, the person is blind and it's a seeing-eye dog we're talking about, in which case ignore what you just read.) Next thing you know people are going to start holding bar mitzvahs for their canines or something. Oh, right. Too late. [NYDN]

Fairfield Greenwich, the hedge fund that directed billions to Bernie Madoff, was handed over to another fund last month called Sciens Capital. Sciens didn't pay anything for it (not that anyone would pay anything for Walter Noel's heaping pile of crap). And now it seems the change in ownership is ensuring that some of Noel's cronies continue to receive paychecks. A tipster with a copy of a Sciens Powerpoint presentation tells Dealbreaker that the fund "seems to be basically a bunch of FGG guys," the transfer was a "smoke and mirrors show for the investors, and "nothing has changed." In that case, champagne by the pool in Mustique in 15 minutes! Be there! [Dealbreaker]

• New York Times Co. CEO Janet Robinson "isn't happy with the media." She'd also like to make it clear that the company is not currently up for sale, so please put your dollar bills back in your wallet, thank you very much. [MW]
• Ten movies will compete for Best Picture at the Oscars now, not 5. [THR]
• Sad: Dick Cheney landed a $2 million deal to publish his memoir. [NYT]
• Also sad: MSNBC, the illustrious home of blowhard Keith Olbermann, seems to think its tired prison docs are more important than covering Iran. [LAT]
• Director David Fincher is in talks to make a movie about Facebook. [Reuters]
• The always classy In Touch spent $75,000 to purchase photos of Kate Gosselin spanking her kids in public for its cover last week. [WWD, NYP]

It's no secret that the situation at the Plaza has been pretty grim what with all the apartments for sale that haven't been selling, retail space that hasn't been renting, bitter lawsuits, and reports of shoddy construction work. And it definitely wasn't a great sign when the condo/hotel started offering free architecture tours to lure people into the building a couple of months ago. We're going to guess, though, that the Plaza's new marketing approach—offering Eloise-themed party packages—won't do much to improve matters: "The Live Like Eloise Slumber Party Package accommodates six guests and includes a suite, a copy of The Eloise Guide to Life, Eloise DVDs, Eloise postcards, Eloise snacks, rollaway beds, and a trophy party for elementary schoolers, or, the hotel hopes, a 'girls night' for adult women. It starts at $3,595." It's really too bad those Russian billionaires who bought condos in the building are moving out. They would have totally loved this. [NYO]

Don't be fooled by the headline that reads "Job hunting? Send your resume to Crain's." Because they're not actually hiring anyone. (They've been laying off staff, actually.) But they would love a copy of your resume to publish in the weekly newspaper. Free user-generated content for a struggling paper, some exposure for a desperate job-seeker: It's a match made in heaven! [Crain's]

The MTA approved the deal that will allow Atlantic Yards developer Bruce Ratner to defer $100 million in payments to the state over more than two decades, instead of paying it all upfront. Critics took to the podium before today's vote to deride the deal as a "massive bailout." And, shockingly, the MTA didn't pay any attention to the last-minute counterbid that landed in its lap when the main Atlantic Yards opposition group, Develop Don't Destroy Brooklyn, "tried to upstage the meeting by offering $120 million for the development rights over the Vanderbilt Yard." [Brooklyn Paper]

A bunch of celebrities are now offering guided cell phone tours to Central Park. Anne Hathaway will introduce you to the Delacorte Theater, Matthew Broderick will show you around Sheep Meadow, Isabella Rossellini will escort you through the gay hookup zone of the Ramble, and Jerry Seinfeld will describe the stunning view of Central Park he has from his apartment at the Beresford. (Okay, fine, we made the last one up.) It's a free service. You call 646-862-0997 and then punch in a code that corresponds to each celebrity tour. We haven't tried it, so we can't weigh in on what it's like to hear John Stossel share his thoughts on the Balto statue, but if you feel like calling and letting us know what it's like, you're more than welcome to. [Central Park Audio Guide]

In the wake of Billy Joel and Katie Lee Joel's big breakup last week, Jo Piazza takes a look at the trophy wife phenomenon for The Daily Beast today. And you know what? It turns out it's a pretty good gig. A "transitory stepping stone into a better life," the job doesn't necessarily have to last all that long; a trophy wife may only be forced to sleep with the creepy old man she's vowed to remain with for the rest of her life for a matter of months, in fact. "The shelf life for the typical trophy wife—the time it takes her to increase her monetary and social standing for the rest of her days—is typically two or three years," which, as Piazza points out, is less time than the time it takes to attend medical school. (And Lord knows training to become a doctor doesn't come with boozy afternoons at charity golf tournaments or trips to the Côte d'Azur.)

Heidi Klum walking along the Hudson with her mom and kids ... Sir Richard Branson and son Sam sitting in front of their hotel in midtown ... Naomi Watts grabbing breakfast in the East Village ... Harrison Ford arriving on the set of Morning Glory in midtown ... Bethenny Frankel feeding apples to a horse across the street from Central Park ... Kara DioGuardi crossing the street en route to an appearance on Live With Regis and Kelly ... and Olivia Palermo posing for photographers after an appearance on the MTV show It's On with Alexa Chung.

Publicity-seeking club owner—and self-described "New York nightlife king"—JE Englebert would like everyone to know he's standing up for Perez Hilton in the wake of his little will.i.am altercation the other evening. So he's organizing a "rally" to convey his concern for the First Amendment and Hilton's right to be a total jackass. Just what this rally entails isn't described in the press release (below), but he is inviting Hilton to Suzie Wong for a "VIP party" at which he plans to serve "pea soup." So that's nice. We really shouldn't be indulging Englebert, of course. But we'll take the bait and you can have a look at Englebert's typo-riddled press release for yourself after the jump.

• There's a shortage of banking industry CEOs—decent ones, at least—which explains why Vikram Pandit is still in charge at Citigroup and Ken Lewis is still running the show at Bank of America. "The best players won't risk their careers going to a troubled enterprise," explains one recruiting expert. [WSJ]
• Andrew Cuomo has been investigating pension fund corruption for the past few months. Now his own ties to just such an entity are raising questions. [BN]
• Wanna invest in a hedge fund? You're in luck. A number of them are looking to diversify their investor bases and are now targeting the middle class. [NYP]
• Stocks rose this morning ahead of a report by the Fed this afternoon. [CNN]
• Good news for JPMorgan Chase: It's "the world's strongest bank." [DB]
• Good news for Barclays: Its name will grace a Brooklyn subway station. [NYT]
• Jeffry Picower was once considered one of Bernie Madoff's victims. Not so much any longer, now that it appears he withdrew as much as $5 billion from his various Madoff accounts between 1995 and 2008. [ProPublica]

• Kevin Wendle, the serial entrepreneur who co-founded CNET and iFILM, among other companies, has lowered the price of his apartment at 812 Fifth Avenue for the second time since listing it for $14.85 million in January. The 17th-floor apartment, which Wendle purchased for $6.4 million in 2006, is now listed for $9.95 million with Corcoran's Deborah Grubman and Carol Cohen. [Cityfile, Curbed, Corcoran]
• Steve Wynn is about to put his apartment at 817 Fifth Avenue back on the market for $25 million, six years after he failed to sell it for $15 million. The 3,900-square-foot spread, which suffered water damage a few years back, now comes with onyx floors and a leather-lined private elevator vestibule. [NYO]
• Two weeks after it was reported that he was "quietly" shopping his Beresford apartment, Bob Weinstein's 6,500-square-foot duplex has officially hit the market. The six-bedroom apartment with grand stairway, paneled library, two terraces, and three fireplaces is listed with Brown Harris Stevens broker Ileen Schoenfeld for $29.75 million. [NYO, BHS, previously]

Socialite Fabiola Beracasa turns 33 today. Model Petra Nemcova is turning 30. Former New York Governor George Pataki is 64. Former labor secretary Robert Reich turns 63. Actress Minka Kelly is 29. Beyonce's kid sister, Solange Knowles, is 23. Longtime newspaper columnist and author Pete Hamill is turning 74. Actress Sherry Stringfield is 42. Fleetwood Mac drummer Mick Fleetwood is 62. And The Office's Mindy Kaling turns 30 today.

• Just in case Mercy won't have enough culture shock to deal with when she arrives in NYC, Madonna reportedly wants to turn her newly-acquired Upper East Side townhouse into a "replica" of her countryside estate in England. She's having her staffers "troll the Upper East Side boutiques for candelabras, side tables, and period chaises." And poor Mercy will be looking to hop a flight back to Africa pretty soon. [Mirror]
• Break out the tissues: It seems Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo have split up. [Us]
• Oprah is taking 100 employees and their families on an all-expenses paid 10-day cruise around the Mediterranean to celebrate her birthday. [NYDN]
• Justin Timberlake got kinda drunk at Avenue the other night. He still had the sense to "shoo" Lindsay Lohan away, but he may have gotten cozy with a woman who was not Jessica Biel, depending on who you believe. [P6]

"After months of bitter struggle that included a threat to shut down The Boston Globe, the New York Times Company and the paper's largest union reached a tentative contract settlement on Tuesday night." [NYT]

• Stylist Pat Field may not take part in the Sex and the City sequel—it seems she can't bear the idea of Carrie Bradshaw going from "fashionista to recessionista." But she does have a bit of advice for Susan Boyle, which is nice. [Grazia]
• The return to scarcity: Saks and Neiman Marcus report they're ordering a lot less inventory than they did last year, not surprisingly. [Bloomberg]
• The Rachel Zoe Project returns to the air on August 25. [Fashionologie]

• Is Amy Sacco's Bungalow 8 about to broke? That's what some former staffers claim, who say they haven't been paid in weeks now. [Gawker]
• Ward III, a new "saloon" by the team involved with Macao, The Odeon, and Grace—and decorated with Wakiya cast-offs—opens on Friday. [Thrillist]
• A roundup of spots that have closed in recent days. [Eater]
• The feud between Mr. Chow and Philippe is heating up, it seems. [GS]
• Raines Law Room has opened a "clandestine garden," not that anything can be very clandestine when it appears on Vogue's website. [Vogue]
• Michael Huynh has another East Village Baoguette planned. [EVGrieve]
• Wolfgang Puck's latest, quasi-food related venture: He plans to take control of the top-level domain .food and then sell off the Internet addresses to chefs and restaurateurs. Sounds, uh, interesting. [WSJ/Speakeasy]

Were you aware that Malia Obama turns 11 on July 4? A Florida-based company called Best in Beauty sure is. It just sent her "a gift basket of nontoxic, hypoallergenic beauty products that 'tweens with allergies, like her, can use," and which you, too, can buy for $354.20. A "sweet and marvelous" gesture, no? [Washington Whispers]

The New York Times Co. has been tangling with Boston newspaper unions ever since it threatened to shut down the Boston Globe if the unions didn't agree to wage and benefit concessions. Now its union troubles are hitting closer to home. Last fall, Times Co. decided to shut down City and Suburban Delivery Systems, a Times subsidiary that was responsible for distributing the Times as well as other papers like the Wall Street Journal and New York Post. Closing C&S eliminated 550 full-time jobs, many of whom were union employees; the paper said it planned to rely on independent distribution companies instead, since they're "generally nonunion and pay drivers less." The decision has since stirred up quite a bit of controversy, not surprisingly, both with employees who took a buyout offer the Times and those who didn't. And now it's ended up in court. If you've ever wanted to pore over a ream of newspaper union agreements, you'll get your chance by clicking through and reading the complete lawsuit below.

In 2005, Bruce Ratner agreed to pay $100 million to build his controversial Atlantic Yards on state-owned land. Under terms of a new deal that was revealed just this week (and goes to a vote tomorrow): Ratner will only have to pay the MTA $20 million upfront, and he'll get to spread out the other $80 million over the next 21 years. Critics of the deal are up in arms about the compromise, per usual, but there's some good news: Forest City Ratner, says it will cough up an extra $200,000 a year to stamp "Barclays Center" to the Atlantic Ave.-Pacific St. subway station. Small miracles! [NYDN]