• All is not well at ABC. The hoped-for comeback of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? didn't happen and ratings have been so low, the network is now occasionally falling behind Univision. Yes, Univision. [NYT, B&C]
• The owners of Uptown magazine are in talks to acquire Vibe, which shut down in June. What they plan to do with it is anybody's guess. [AdAge]
• Tina Brown's Daily Beast is on the move: She's planning to launch a U.K. version of the Barry Diller-funded website within months. [Telegraph]
• Not every magazine in America is struggling, apparently! [Newsweek]
• Is MTV planning to leave Times Square? Quite possibly. [NYP]

Financially-challenged photographer Annie Leibovitz was sued last week by Art Capital Group, the high-end pawn shop that loaned her $24 million last year in exchange for the rights to her photography collection and her collection of real estate holdings in the West Village and upstate New York. It will be some time before we find out whether Leibovitz will get to hang on to her assets, but it seems she's already suffered one minor defeat in court. In a court ruling over whether Getty Images went behind Art Capital's back to negotiate a deal to represent Leibovitz on a freelance basis, New York State's highest court misspelled the name of the "world-renowned photographer" 37 times. Don't you just hate exceptions to the normally reliable "i before e, except after c" rule? [NYS Supreme Court, PDF]

Bernie Madoff's right-hand man, Frank DiPascali, will joining his former boss behind bars in the near future. The former chief financial officer of Madoff's investment firm, DiPascali pleaded guilty this afternoon to all the counts against him, including securities fraud, falsifying records and international money laundering, as part of a deal with prosecutors. "Mr. DiPascali said at the plea hearing that the transactions were "all fake. It was all fictitious. It was wrong, and I knew it was wrong at the time." [WSJ]

Cityfile has partnered with Dr. Helen Fisher to bring you the latest insight into love and romantic attraction. A renowned biological anthropologist, Dr. Fisher has conducted extensive research in the fields of human sexuality, love and marriage. She serves as Chief Scientific Advisor for the internet dating site Chemistry.com.

Bungalow 8 proprietress Amy Sacco has a reality show in the works. (Or at least Bravo is now "testing" out such a concept.) Less than a month ago, Sacco told WWD that she'd recruited a big bunch of her friends to take part in the program—so many people, in fact, that Sacco told the reporter that while it's technically a reality show, "I don't know if anyone's going to believe my reality." Today the Daily News throws a little water on the concept, suggesting that very few famous faces will ultimately appear on the show, since many of the boldfaced friends Sacco calls her friends "don't want to be seen on camera doing reality TV."

Maybe he should have stuck with hockey. Tim Barakett, the founder of Atticus Capital and possibly the only hedge funder in history to turn down an opportunity to play professional hockey to go Harvard Business School, announced today that he's shutting down his flagship fund and handing $3 billion back to his investors. "After 15 years of being singularly focused on building and managing Atticus, I believe it is time to reassess my future," Barakett said in a letter to investors. On a more positive note, you can rest assured Steve Cohen's hockey rink will see a lot more action over the coming months. [WSJ]

Say hello to a new member of the Hamptons social set: Vince Shlomi, the man better known as the Vince the ShamWow guy, who, much to the surprise of those in attendance, put in an appearance at the Mercedes-Benz Polo Challenge at Blue Star Jets Field this past weekend. Shlomi says he's here in New York because "branching out from infomercials" with some sort of "movie project," and he also plans to design "some swimwear lines" with his new business partner, model Courtney Bingham.

Scarlett Johansson walking to the gym with her trainer ... Alessandra Ambrosio having lunch at Bar Pitti and later eating ice cream on the sidewalk ... Ed Westwick and Taylor Momsen shooting a scene for Gossip Girl ... Drew Barrymore walking with a friend ... Mischa Barton filming scenes for The Beautiful Life in front of the New York State Supreme Court ... Jay-Z leaving dinner at Cipriani in SoHo ... Kate Gosselin arriving at her hotel, and later shopping at FAO Schwarz ... and Jennifer Aniston leaving her trailer on the set of The Bounty.

Why didn't the authorities catch Bernie Madoff sooner than they did? According to Andrew Kirtzman, the author of the book, Betrayal: The Life and Lies of Bernie Madoff, it was Bernie's taste for fine design that kept regulators from noticing giant Ponzi scheme staring them in the face:

Not only did Mayor Bloomberg use Twitter for the first time this morning, he had to show off and do it in two languages, too. [NYM/Daily Intel]

So much for Bank of America's sweetheart settlement with the Securities and Exchange Commission. At a hearing yesterday, Judge Jed Rakoff declined to approve the deal that the bank struck with the SEC a few weeks ago, allowing it to pay a mere $33 million to settle charges that it had failed to disclose Merrill Lynch's plans to pay out billions of dollars in bonuses on the eve of their merger.

• Whoopi Goldberg has put her SoHo loft on the market. The View co-host and comedienne has listed the 3,600-square-foot, two-bedroom space located at 101 Wooster Street for $3.99 million. [NYP, Sotheby's]
• Bruce Lisman, the former co-head of global equities at Bear Stearns, has finally closed on the sale of his apartment at 923 Fifth Avenue. The four-bedroom spread sold for just $12.8 million, which is $300,000 less than what Lisman paid for it in 2006 and nearly $10 million less than what Lisman was asking when it first went on the market in 2007. [Cityfile, previously]
• Michael Birkin, who recently stepped down as vice chairman of Omnicom Group, has picked up a full-floor loft in SoHo. Birkin and his wife Katrina paid $4.75 million for the two-bedroom space at 60 Greene Street. [Cityfile]
• Donald Trump has reportedly taken a loss on the sale of the Beverly Hills estate he bought for $10.35 million last year. The mansion on North Rodeo Drive sold $9.5 million, or $2 million less than its asking price. [Real Estalker]

Jonathan Adler, designer, author, occasional TV personality, and husband of Simon Doonan, turns 43 today. Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak is turning 59. Playwright David Henry Hwang is 52. Model Carolyn Murphy is turning 34. Nicholas Lemann, dean of the Columbia School of Journalism, turns 55. Actress Viola Davis is turning 44. Architect Peter Eisenman is 77. Commercial real estate broker Tara Stacom is turning 51. White-collar defense attorney Andrew L. Frey is 71. TV personality Joe Rogan is 42. FedEx founder Fred Smith is 65. And Hulk Hogan celebrates his 56th birthday today.

We've been having some technical difficulties this morning. We should be back to normal shortly. (Or so we've been told.) Our apologies.

• Great news for those of you who have been dying to get your hands on Miley Cyrus' clothing line for Wal-Mart: The retail giant is scouting for a NYC location again. [Crain's]
• Rich parents aren't buying super-expensive designer clothing for their bratty kids quite like they used to, not surprisingly. [WSJ]
• First the Calvin Klein billboard on Houston Street was targeted by people who objected to its raciness; now it's been targeted by vandals. [Jezebel]
• The Calvin billboard isn't the only victim. Calvin Klein became a crime statistic himself when a thief ripped the East Hampton beach parking sticker off his Porsche. The police are now conducting a thorough investigation. [NYP]

• The hot dog vendor in front of the Metropolitan Museum has been given the boot. Why, you ask? Shockingly, it seems he's been having some trouble coming up with the $53,558 he has to pay the city in rent each month. [NYDN]
• A roundup of restaurants that just opened, or will be open this week. [TONY]
• Frederick's Downtown closed last week; now Frederick Lesort's Eurotrashy Madison Avenue location has suffered the same fate, alas. [Eater]
• A former assistant to Tavern on the Green owner Jennifer LeRoy claims she was fired from the restaurant after she revealed she was pregnant. [NYP]
• The Wicked Wolf on First Avenue is closing to make way for a second 2nd Avenue Deli, which, once again, won't be on Second Ave. [Eater]
• Want to start your own food truck? It's not as easy as it looks. [GS]
• A few months ago, Gordon Ramsay's food empire was teetering on the brink of bankruptcy; now he reports he's in expansion mode once again. [WSJ]
• The favorite burger chain of leading chefs? In-N-Out, by a landslide. [GS]

Lose your job recently? In search of a new career? Maybe you should consider becoming a hand model! Provided your hands are "veinless, poreless and flawless," you could follow in Ashly Covington's footsteps and earn up to $1,200 a day to fold a tortilla in half or squeeze a little mousse on to your fingertip. Not that it's a bed of roses, mind you. Covington, whose hand modeling reel is above, says she has to moisturize 20 to 30 times a day and estimates she wears gloves 90 percent of the time. "When it's your livelihood, you've got to think hands first," she says. Nor is it necessarily the most glamorous profession. "It seems people think we all live like supermodels and rockstars," says Kimbra Hickey, who made the hand model hall of fame when she appeared on the cover of the novel Twilight. "But it's really just a regular job." There go all your preconceived notions! [CNN via NYM]

There isn't much of a difference between a dog and a two-year toddler, according to new research. Both are on the "same mental plane," according to a psychology professor and dog expert who reports that like two-year-olds, "dogs can experience fear, anger, happiness and disgust, but not guilt." (Humans don't experience guilt until the age of four or so.) Regrettably, the study did not look into cases in which the parents were operating on the same mental plane as the toddler and dog, but we'll assume the results of that study will be coming along any day now. [Yahoo! News]

Not only have House lawmakers proposed blowing half a billion dollars of taxpayer money on eight new jets to ferry them around the world—the same taxpayer money that auto companies and banks were scolded for spending on their own corporate jets a few months ago, of course—now it turns out that the government is probably significantly overpaying for the planes, too. [WSJ]

• Two years after he was booted from MSNBC and CBS Radio for making racist comments, Fox Business is now in talks to team up with Don Imus. [LAT]
• Is Hachette selling Elle? The company seems to be hedging. [AdAge]
• Magazine publishers are allowing advertisers to slap their ads just about any place they want these days. They're also planning to keep printing those annoying subscription cards until the end of time. [NYT, AdAge]
• ABC is planning a big programming push for the fall with seven new series set to debut, which is roughly double what NBC and CBS have planned. [USAT]
• CNBC's ratings are down big, in case you haven't heard. [Guardian]
• G.I. Joe was No. 1 at the box office this weekend, grossing an estimated $56 million. Julie and Julia came in second place with $20.1 million. [Variety]