When there are two beautiful teen stars both named Taylor—Swift and Lautner—the Celebrity Industrial Complex demanded they start dating. If only the Complex could successfully manage a teen girl's heart, because Swift called it the whole thing off.

NY Post gossip dowager Cindy Adams had no news today because she hasn't had a scoop since the Paleozoic Era. She has resorted to asking psychics what the gossip of the future will be. The answers will shock you.

He loves her so much he cast her in his next movie. Rosie O'Donnel's weird date, Courtney Love in a strip club, and Zac Efron thinks stars are famous. This is the 11:26 Gossip train to New Haven. All aboard!

That's because it's now got 100% more of phone hacking PR girl Ali Wise. Also Emma Watson gets around, Lady Gaga marries Papa John, and J.Lo meant to fall down. It's Tuesday and that's all the gossip you get.

Looks like has-bian Lindsay Lohan has made the switch again—this time for a famous man. Also are Jude and Sienna back together? Is Mischa back on the sauce? Is Piven growing man boobs? Questions answered in Tuesday's gossip.

Like the Tim Curry song says, anything can happen on Halloween. Paris Hilton can get choked, Real Housewives can bury the hatchet, Tinsley Mortimer can tape a reality show, Elton John can get sick. It's Monday morning's leftover gossip candy.

Ivanka Trump is denying Cindy Adams' report yesterday that her wedding invitations contained a "marketing flyer" for her dad's golf courses. (Not sure if it it's better or worse, but earlier this month the Times described it as an "insert" that "offered guests a free round of golf at one of Mr. Trump's courses.") In any event, Ivanka is probably happier to hear that the press has responded much more enthusiastically to her dress. Ivanka looked "sensational" and the gown "made a fresh statement," says Cathy Horyn of the Times. "Maybe she'll have an influence on brides." Or on the direct mail business. [NYT, NYM]

Cindy Adams' New York Post columns appear to be produced by a random word-generator machine. Her visage appears to be produced by Botox and shellac. So it is unsurprising to find that she is a Helsmley-level ratdog nut.

Rebecca Mead infiltrated Cindy's aboveground lair in a Park Ave. penthouse and recorded these ramblings about the gossipeuse's Yorkies before being chased out by Cindy's bloodthirsty wolf-celeb hybrid bodyguards:

It's certainly nice to see Cindy Adams finally embrace her Hispanic heritage, isn't it? Let's hope she shares a few more of these previously unreported tidbits when she opens up her Park Avenue apartment for "four nights only" at the end of September and gets attendees to pay $250 a ticket to hear her tell stories in her living room. [New Yorker]

It only took a decade, but Us Weekly finally got their dirty clutches on video of actor Channing Tatum taking it all off for a crowd horny Florida ladies. It's his best work since Step Up 2: The Streets.

And we're not talking RBIs here, sports fans, we're talking inches. The gossip dowager is telling everyone what kind of bat Alex Rodriguez is playing with. Yes, we mean his penis!

When Ron Silver died in March, the New York Post's Cindy Adams eulogized him by revealing that he'd once been a CIA operative: "I remember him saying he'd been in the CIA at age 22." It's not true.

Chelsea Clinton is not marrying that "Marc Mezvinsky banker guy," according to Cindy Adams, who learns lots of stuff when she "weekends" in the Hamptons with Palin-obsessed Scientologist power couple John Coale and Greta van Susteren.

Every week, Cindy Adams puts out her Page Six gossip column, which we all love for its general old-school Manhattan eccentricity. But this one is just...unreal. Has she lost her shit? Contained herein: dogs sniffing butts, "humanoids," and the Hamptons.

Brad and Angelina want to move to the Upper West Side, I'd prefer they didn't. Shirley Jones wants to get naked; same. Piven's a perv, Shatner's sad, Paul McCartney sucks, Stevie Wonder does blow! Here's your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

A former aide says there's tape out there of John Edwards ridin' dirty! Jon Gosselin is enjoying his first few days of freedom, with frisbee! Elliot Spitzer thinks he's better than Mark Sanford. Presenting your politics-happy Sunday morning gossip roundup:

Susan Boyle's "exhausted" again, Dustin Lance Black's sorry, Cindy Adams knows where you should hide your cash, Prince Harry's dating a floozy, and Salman Rushdie's a third boob. Oh, and: Ron Burkle and whores. Here's your Sunday morning gossip roundup:

Million-year-old gossipeuse Cindy Adams got the funniest email from her good friend Edward Elson! So she just reprinted it, in her New York Post "gossip" "column," because we can't all be Andrea Peyser, right? See, a guy goes to his doctor...

A couple of weeks ago, state officials issued a report indicating New York City may need a new area code in the near future. It seems phone numbers for the 718 and 347 area codes—which are in use in Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island, and the Bronx—will run out by late 2011. Cindy Adams doesn't live in any of those boroughs (her apartment is a Park Avenue penthouse, thank you very much), but she's still outraged by the prospect: "Making someone get another area code is like making them move to the back of the bus. It's discrimination."

Why did Caroline Kennedy "abandon" her bid take over Hillary Clinton's vacant Senate seat? It had nothing to do with rumored tax troubles, her uncle's medical troubles, her plunging poll numbers, or the fact she torpedoed her own chances with a series of disastrous performances on the campaign trail. It was because she didn't want to expose her poor kids to the rough and tumble of the political process, naturally. At least that's the spin contained in Edward Klein's new book, Ted Kennedy: The Dream That Never Died. Not that we'd expect this revelation to have an impact on Cindy Adams's assertion that Kennedy will be elected president in 2016. After all, Adams stuck to her claim McCain would win the 2008 election until the beginning of the November! [Vanity Fair]