• Christian Slater, forced to give up his New York hobby of ass-groping, heads to West Hollywood, where he supplements his diet of misbehavior by falling off of Paris Hilton's roof. [People]
• Can we not take a tip from our friends across the pond and offer amnesty for those commuters caught reading embarrassing books? [Friday Project]
• Kate Moss grabs the December cover of Vanity Fair, making it all the more meta when you inevitably use your copy for cutting lines. [Jossip]
• Sex and the City's advertising campaign continues to skank all over Manhattan. [Gothamist]
• Justin Timberlake is being blamed for ruining Shrek 3. Funny: We thought Shrek 2 ruined the franchise. Aw, were we mean to the cute wittle cartoons? [Radar]
• Jesse Sheidlower literally cannot stand your incorrect usage of the word "literally." [Slate]
• For those of you poor spinsters so pathetic as to not land real engagement rings, Daily Candy suggests wearing a fake. [DailyCandy]

In the case of Gravity v. Drunken, Roof-Climbing Actor, the jury rules in favor of Gravity, and the defendant is hereby ordered to plummet into some nearby bushes and explain his actions to a police officer who will barely suppress her giggles:

After nearly four months, Kuffs is finally back on the beat: Actor Christian Slater, arrested in late May for "forcibly touching" an older woman after a night-long bender famously centered around Brother Jimmy's frat-boy blues bar at 93rd and 3rd, is a free man. During a pretrial hearing, a judge dismissed the charges provided that Slater stay out of trouble for the next six months. This means no gleaming of the cube, no ass-grabbing, no poisoning cheerleaders, and certainly no Lohan. So, you know, no career, really.