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In the case of Gravity v. Drunken, Roof-Climbing Actor, the jury rules in favor of Gravity, and the defendant is hereby ordered to plummet into some nearby bushes and explain his actions to a police officer who will barely suppress her giggles:

Christian Slater apparently fell off the roof of Paris Hilton's neighbor's house during a weekend party at the West Hollywood home of the hotel heiress.

Slater, 36, purportedly made his climb to inspect some folks who complained about the noise. He then landed in the bushes and was "not injured, not hurt, not arrested," Los Angeles Police Department Sgt. Karen Leong tells the New York Post. She denied reports that officers used a Taser gun on the actor. "Not true," she told the paper.

Hold on a second—if Slater was checking out people who were complaining about the noise at Hilton's party, why did he fall off the neighbor's roof? Was he so heroically drunk that he climbed to the top of the wrong house? Or was he sent on a kamikaze mission to vomit in the cranky neighbor's pool in retaliation for the noise complaint? It's a small tragedy that in a story that begs for a joke about Slater tumbling into Paris Hilton's bush, we're distracted by so many unanswered questions.