Advertising isn't just a matter of putting a picture of your product up on the screen. It's a subtle psychological process of associating your product with the most powerful and appropriate metaphor. Not just blow jobs; cum-guzzling, also. Masterful. [Copyranter]

Sunday is Easter, which means that today's the last day when you can go to the drug store and find a sprawling selection of the seasonal sweets that only Jesus' resurrection brings. Everyone has their favorite treat around this time of year, and your selection says a lot about you. Now is your time to head to CVS and get a bag or box of your candy of choice, because after tomorrow the "Easter Bunny" will have bought up all the goodies. But before you go for that sugar rush, let's take a look at what your selection means. [Photo above via Flickr]

[The Guinness Book of World Records has certified that this chocolate bar, made in Armenia, is the world's largest ever at 9,702 pounds. Image via AP]

"Girrrrrrrl, u don't take sh#@ from anybody. U are fab-u-lous," announces the completely earnest new website of Ellie Scarborough, daughter of highest-paid NYC news anchor Chuck. For $272, Ellie will send text messages and "better-than-sex truffles" to cheer you up.

Drunk in the gym! Greedy-ass yoga! Ab assistance! Chocolate for your health! Pro athletes without athletics! And the Twitter diet, phase two! It's your Monday Fitness Watch, where we watch fitness—but not in that skeevy David Barton way!

The Sun reports on an important developing story in Scotland: A "STUNNED" mother of two has discovered a chocolate "shaped like a WILLY" and is demanding an apology from its manufacturer, Cadbury's. "It is vile," she says. [The Scottish Sun]

Do you eat chocolate because you are sad? Or are you sad because you eat chocolate? The conundrum, known as Guisewite's Paradox, has plagued philosophers for generations. And now, Science has tackled it! Do they have an answer for us?

A chocolate lovers dream or nightmare? The Little Chocolatiers are at it again, this time they make a bust entirely out of white chocolate. From Mrs. Doubtfire style face molds to the big reveal; this is a little bit awkward.

Some very bored soul made a very cool Cadbury Creme Egg smashing machine. His roommates must be such patient people.

Michelle Obama might be unveiling various efforts to end childhood obesity, but America's other favorite black woman will not be deterred by her love of sweets. Today on Oprah: a set entirely made of CHOCOLAAATTE!!

Caligula was a noble and beloved leader—until he went mad, and began wasting tremendous sums on useless extravagances as his people starved. Oprah's entire set is made of chocolate today.

These kids demonstrate some crazy eyebrow moves in this commercial for Cadbury Dairy Milk. It's not clear what the connection between the two is, but it makes a pretty cool ad.

"Do you love chocolate almost as much as you love diamonds?" Yes, and??? Long have I waited to meet others like me: Wealthy lovers of gaudy jewels and cheap candy. If only...

A 29 year-old chocolate factory worker in New Jersey died today after falling into an eight-foot-deep vat of melted chocolate. One option for the poor man's cadaver: a mold for chocolates.

Is that box of chocolates about saving your relationship, or saving the economy? Florists, chocolatiers, and card-sellers are hoping for some love from shoppers this weekend. (Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

What is it, exactly, that makes people unwisely crave luxury goods? Now we know: it's chocolate truffles. Science has proven it!:

Here is Julia Alison eating brownies at her mom and dad's house in Chicago this afternoon. "God, they were good," she says. "Fudgey and moist and dense."

45 percent of women will give away passwords to strangers pretending to be market researchers when offered a chocolate bar in exchange, according to Infosecurity Europe's survey of 576 office workers. Men fell prey to the scheme 10 percent of the time. Surprised? Don't be. That's addiction. Chocolate contains anandamide and for women in particular, its a psychoactive and addictive food. Academics report that 40 percent of women crave chocolate more than any other food. 53 percent like it better than sex. Meanwhile, only 15 percent of men have a similar hankering. But that should lead to an obvious conclusion for anyone trying to snag their passwords: ComScore reports that more than 70 perent of men from 18 to 34 visit a porn site each month. (Photo by reportergimmiTM)

[UPDATE:] Hippie pop star Joss Stone has signed on to do ads for Cadbury Flake. The product is shaped like a rod, so it was quite natural that they've promoted it [Adrants] in the past by having a pretty woman wrap her supple lips around it and roll her eyes back into her head in simulated ecstasy. And then walk down the beach with a horse. The not-so-subtle message: Women and horses will happily give you a blow job in exchange for a Cadbury Flake. Get yours today! Full [classic] ad below.

Oh, sweet Jesus, we barely knew Thee: