Are motels banned in Newark, Delaware? Are fast food chains the only places in town where consenting adults can do the freak nasty in peace? First a couple was caught banging behind a Dunkin' Donuts dumpster, and now a man and woman have raised the stakes by going at it on the roof of a Chipotle just 2 blocks away.

The toughest thing about being a paranoid armed misogynist bully with a smug sense of self-satisfaction is, it's hard to make friends. Even the gun lobby now hates the heroes of Texas Open Carry, having realized that it's hurting the cause of universal free gun love with its guns.

After a debacle earlier this month where Texas Open Carry gun activists were declined service at both a Chili's and then a Sonic while walking around with assault rifles strapped to their bodies, Sonic and Chili's have both made statements that ask their customers to leave their guns at home.

There are two ways to mark yourself as an unrepentant splotchy engorged asshole in a Chipotle. One is to order the quesarito at rush hour. The other is to order anything with a semiautomatic assault rifle in your arms, at the ready. One of these is going away. It's not the quesarito.

After gun rights advocates brought military-style assault rifles into one of their stores in Texas, food chain Chipotle, who has been romancing the literati of late, has politely requested that its customers don't bring guns into their stores.

If you've ever thought to yourself, while eating a burrito, "Hey, I'd love to read a story by a famous author on my cup of Diet Coke," great news: Starting today, Chipotle's cups will feature original stories by Toni Morrison, George Saunders, Malcolm Gladwell, Michael Lewis, and Jonathan Safran Foer.

Chipotle says it paid singer Frank Ocean $212,500 for a song he never delivered. Frank Ocean says "Fuck off."

Do you, like, care about the environment? Yeah, cool, me too. And you eat organic, yeah? Right, right. But sometimes you just want a burrito, man, like, a big fat flour roll of stuff, and Chipotle's the place, yeah? Oh hey, did you see the news yesterday? Global warming may ruin their guacamole!

Leave the gun. Take the burrito. No, I said leave the gun, not drop i—oh, Jesus, what did you do?

With a Diet Coke.

While not quite as beautiful as last fall's animated short film, Chipotle's new TV show—about the horrors of industrial farming—seems like it'll be a hit with the burrito chain's diehard fans.

It's being called "the most beautiful, haunting infomercial you'll ever see."

The rangy, lilting whine of Radiohead sounds awful bouncing off the corrugated metal ranges in Chipotles everywhere. This is a tried and true failure, according to Chipotle's playlist guru Christopher Golub, profiled in Denver's Westword.

Why has the founder of Chipotle spent as much as $30 million over the past two years buying up real estate in the West Village? Beats us, but at least you'll know where your money is going the next time you stop by for a mediocre burrito. [Curbed]