[Tourists in Tiananmen Square in Beijing enjoy the decorations for National Day to commemorate the 60th anniversary of the People's Republic of China and intimidate us Americans. But, ooh, pretty pictures! Image via Getty]

We're not sure how to break this to you. So we'll just say it: People in China go to Ikea just to hang out. And sleep on the beds.

China spent $44 million renovating the Dalai Lama's palaces. If only he could live there!

Callie Rogers was once the world's luckiest teenager. You see, at the tender age of 16, Ms. Rogers won £1.9million lottery. That was, at the time, about $3 million. Now it's all gone. That's good and bad. But mostly bad.

The Way We Live Now: Honoring the honorable Chairman Mao Zedong, with economic might! Capitalism, Communism, what does it really matter, as long as it glorifies China? They're not the ones renting textbooks and dreaming of Lotto tickets. That's us.

[A hot air balloon festival got underway today in Baotou in the Chinese province of Inner Mongolia; image via Getty]

The way we live now: moving to China, where there are paying jobs, especially for people with "initiative" and English language skills! Even better, you don't have to know the language, so forget Rosetta Stone and just go man!

Apple contractor Foxconn says it didn't beat a worker who recently committed suicide. But it is paying compensation to the victim's family, promising reform — and trashing the worker as a serial leaker.

China's having some wee riots by a few troublesome dead-ender Uighurs. Hundreds are dead. The media always wants to "cover" things like this. China has a new media management strategy, though: savvy PR! The Uighurs have a counter-strategy: breaking shit.

Sean Hannity creepily interviewed Sarah Palin in some wooded area of Long Island, where Sarah proceeded to do what Sarah does—-Spewed out a maddening but hilariously folksy word soup that translates to "I told you so!"

In a move destined to improve US/China relations for years to come, the Chinese have quarantined woefully inept New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin after a passenger on his flight overseas showed symptoms of the H1N1 virus, popularly known as swine flu.

China is like some crazy backwards Opposite Wonderland! There are so many more men looking to get married than there are eligible women that overenthusiastic dudes are constantly getting scammed out of their "bride prices." Nevada has a solution!

Today is the 20th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre. China is celebrating by attempting to censor every single piece of information, anywhere, pertaining to the incident. Let's review China's tactics for keeping this anniversary a big secret:

A former president of South Korea, a guy pushed over a bridge, an actress, and two cases of assisted: suicides are all over the news this weekend. What the hell is going on?

President Obama has an awesome new strategy for dealing with Republican leadership: send 'em to China. Meet Republican former Utah Governor, and now, Obama appointee Jon Huntsman Jr.

The notoriously unsexy People's Republic of China is trying to shed their rep for flaccid views on sexuality. In fact, a sex-oriented theme park is rising right now.

GhostNet, a "cyber espioniage network," has broken into 1,295 computers in 103 countries. Canadian researchers have traced the operation to China. The Dalai Lama and NATO were among its targets.

Chinese ad people haven't gotten the hang of the sexy English slogans yet, but they're world class in 'Sex Metaphors for Hacks.'

Well now, here is a crafty postscript to the humongous Yves Saint Laurent auction that saved the art world: a Chinese insurgent says that he patriotically sabotaged the bidding on the most controversial items.

Ha: Mazda, the corporate owner of merman Michael Phelps, made Phelps apologize to the entire nation of China for inhaling THC-laden smoke, from a bong. Just imagine the devastating effects that had, on China.