Chelesa Handler dived into the important questions while interviewing Bradley Cooper: his gay movie roles and Ken Jeong's manjunk. Bradley talks about his role in Wet Hot American Summer and how "that scene" in The Hangover came to be.

On this evening's Late Night, Jimmy Fallon and Chelsea Handler competed in a martini marathon of sorts, each attempting to circle the audience while keeping three vodka-soaked glasses full. Things didn't go as planned, Fallon fell, and—yes—he bled.

After the loss of two celebrated writers this week — Howard Zinn and J.D. Salinger — it's easy to feel like there's nobody left. But there is! Lauren Conrad, Hills star and author. And now she's sharing her favorite books.

• Tinsley Mortimer's upcoming reality show has finished shooting. So, naturally, her "relationship" with former American Idol contestant Constantine Maroulis has come to an end, too. She's reportedly on the hunt for a new boyfriend, though, so if you know someone who'd a good match for the fame-obsessed socialite, do get in touch. [P6]
• Is it possible that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie planted those breakup rumors because it's Oscar season, they haven't been nominated for anything, and they wanted to make sure they remained in the spotlight? Anything's possible, right? [E!, NYDN]
• Padma Lakshmi is due to give birth next month, but she's still isn't revealing who the baby daddy is. Could it be on-again, off-again boyfriend and billionaire financier Teddy Forstmann? Or on-again, off-again boyfriend and venture capitalist Adam Dell, the younger brother of computer mogul Michael Dell? The mystery continues! [P6]
• Here's a sign of the apocalypse: Will Smith is thinking about running for president. (Yes, President of the United States.) [Popeater]

Is Kate Moss so old that this is elegant, or so young that it's ironic? Michael Lohan is in trouble with the law again. Ashley Dupre's Playboy carousing gets an ominous write-up. Suri Cruise throws an adorable tantrum. TGIFriday gossip.

A source close to the couple claims that late-night comedienne Chelsea Handler and her conveniently well-connected boyfriend Ted Harbert have split up. Harbert is president and CEO of Comcast Entertainment, which owns E!, the network that airs Chelsea Lately.

If it wasn't clear before, it is now: David Letterman hates Jay Leno. Letterman repeatedly destroyed Leno on his show tonight, implying he's a thief and all-around bad guy. And while O'Brien made fun of NBC, Leno took personal digs.

• Madonna is reportedly "taking a more active role" in promoting boy toy Jesus Luz's career. She turned up to hear him spin at the Valentino party the other night, danced with "some hot fashion guys," mingled for a little, and then they left together. But that doesn't mean she's offered to do a song with him. "There are steps!" he said. "You can't just start out and collaborate with Madonna." He also says that he always plays her stuff because, you know, "It's great." [P6, NYDN]
• After Michael Lohan released a sob-filled phone call from Lindsay yesterday, she Twittered that her dad is "such a loser"; "those recordings are from years ago"; and "he needs the book for dummies on how to be a man." She also indicted she may ask her lawyer to file a restraining order against her dad and/or sue him. So, no hopes for a reconciliation just yet then? [TMZ, NYP, Us]
• Making matters worse, there is now another recording of LiLo chatting with her mother that's been released. [Radar Online]
• Mariah Carey said she'd been a victim of emotional and mental abuse on Larry King Live last night: "To really get out, it was difficult because there was a connection that was not only a marriage but a business thing, where the person was in control of my life." Tommy Mottola, anyone? [CNN, People]

• Lindsay Lohan may be into boys again, at least according to the Sun, since she supposedly spent the night with a male model who she'd been seen making out with the night before and later posted a picture of her new conquest on Twitter. Whether this is a make-Sam-jealous ploy or true love is hard to say, but rest assured her dad will probably weigh in on the matter by the end of the day. [Sun]
• A brazen jewelry thief busted into Amanda Peet's Tribeca loft on Wednesday and said, "What up, bitch? I live here" to Peet's assistant when she happened to walk in on the guy. He quickly fled, but let's hope she got out a "What up, mo fo?" before he was out of earshot. [P6]
• Jessica Simpson likes "spiritual," "artistic" and "intellectual" men because she "can bore out pretty easily." And now it's totally clear why her relationship with Tony Romo didn't work out. [Extra, People]
• CNN's Lou Dobbs says he's been receiving threatening phone calls and his house was shot at due to his views on immigration. But police don't have any any record that he's reported threats in the past and they think the shot was fired by a hunter. So, per usual, Dobbs is probably just full of crap. [P6]
• Michael Jackson's dad says his son is "worth more dead than when he was alive." The world already knew that was the way he felt, of course. But no one was expecting him to come right out and say it. [NYP]

• 30 Rock and Mad Men took home Emmys last night for outstanding comedy series and outstanding drama series, respectively. (Surprise, surprise.) Alec Baldwin won for outstanding actor in a comedy series; Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston won for outstanding actor in a drama series; Glenn Close won for best actress in a drama series for Damages; and The United States of Tara's Toni Collette took home the award for best actress in a comedy series. Other winners included Lost's Michael Emerson, 24's Cherry Jones, Grey Gardens' Jessica Lange, Pushing Daisies' Kristin Chenoweth, and Two and a Half Men's Jon Cryer. The catchphrase of the night was "pulling a Kanye," naturally. [People, Us]
• Mischa Barton just isn't a morning person... or perhaps she's having dental issues again. A source from her CW show, The Beautiful Life, says she's often so out of it in the mornings that she holds up filming, and she'll stare into her coffee for minutes on end, mumbling, "Who will fix my coffee? I need someone to fix my coffee." [P6]
• Courtney Love lost it when a bathroom intruder caught her with her pants down at the T magazine party at the Standard the other night. Love supposedly screamed that the man had attacked her and tried to have him ejected. "I never wanted to see Courtney Love on the toilet," says the unlucky guy. "It wasn't a pretty sight. I just wanted to get out of there." [P6]

If sparkly vampires shit in the woods, would you listen? Did Michael Jackson drink Pepsi? Is Amy Winehouse on drugs again? Does being Ashley Durpre get you invited to parties? Is Jay-Z still gangster? Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

• Mischa Barton didn't get involuntarily committed to the psychiatric wing of Cedars-Sinai last month because she had a meltdown. Or a drug problem. She says it was because she had her wisdom teeth removed. Sounds plausible! [TONY]
• Speaking of lame excuses, remember how Jeremy Piven said he had to drop out of Speed the Plow because he had mercury poisoning? An arbitrator bought the story, apparently, because he ruled in his favor, dismissing charges filed against him by producers of the show. [NYP]
• Minka Kelly's rep is shooting down rumors that she's planning a fall wedding to Derek Jeter. [NYDN]

• Lindsay Lohan says she feels "scared" and "violated" after the break-in at her LA home last weekend. (We're guessing that's the same way Sam Ronson feels when she comes home to find LiLo waiting for her in the bushes, but what do we know?) In related news, though, Lohan's neighbors are now hoping she'll pick a new neighborhood to terrorize. [Sun, NYDN]
• Things don't always go Anna Wintour's way. When she headed to dinner after her David Letterman taping the other night, the poor editrix had to wait 20 minutes for her boyfriend, Shelby Bryan, to show up. And then the restaurant had the nerve to try and seat them at a non-private table. The indignity! [P6]
• Chelsea Handler has dumped her boyfriend, Ted Harbert. Making matters a little awkward: Harbert runs E!, which means her ex is still her boss. [NYDN]
• Cindy Crawford is coming clean about a deep, dark secret. She says that although you might have thought she had a perfect body, she really does have a bit of cellulite. Guess you'll have to focus on her inner beauty instead. [Star]

Anna Wintour wants to stay out of the limelight, Lily Allen's friends talk trash, and Mel Gibson's girlfriend's unborn child is totally making her fat. All that and more in your Wednesday morning Gossip Roundup!

Boy, that Chelsea Handler really nailed scary Twitter-using celebrity mom Dina Lohan on Chelsea Lately! Except for one small problem: Lohan doesn't actually use Twitter.

New Moon has found its werewolves, E! has found its late night muse. Cameron Diaz forges new territory, while Catherine O'Hara ought to look good toting a gun. Plus, Amanda Bynes news.

Furrier, social fixture, and permanent PETA target Dennis Basso turns 55 today. Téa Leoni is turning 43. Chelsea Handler is 34. Reclusive billionaire hedge fund manager Bruce Kovner is 64. Longtime CBS newsman Bob Schieffer is turning 72. Access Hollywood's Nancy O'Dell is 43. Actress Rashida Jones is turning 33. Actor Sean Astin is 38. Julio Iglesias, Jr., the son of Julio and brother of Enrique, is turning 36. Sally Jesse Raphael is 74. And Carrot Top turns 44 today.

Gay men used to be known for their powers of artistic discernment, granting a priceless cultural imprimatur on the only trends, films, and iconic women who deserved it. No longer! Now, when even a reality show fourth banana like Audrina Patridge can have gays flinging themselves onto the pavement of Santa Monica Blvd. in a desperate attempt to be her new BFF, the standards for gay adoration have reached a watermark so low that it wouldn't even reach the hem of $220 capri pants. Thus it is that Tori Spelling has seen fit to anoint herself as a modern-day gay icon, an honor that E! talk show host Chelsea Handler tells The Advocate is simply canny marketing:

· We spotted this juicy little nugget of gossip just moments before last night's episode of Chelsea Lately aired on E! last night. One of the show's staffers maintains a Tumblr called C'est L.A. Vie, in which she often details the mundane things that happen on the show. Yesterday, all that changed when she alleged that someone who was wired with a hot mic was caught doing coke on set. Our handy video clip runs down the list of all the on-camera guests last night's episode; leave your guesses (and investigative rationale) in the comments! [C'est L.A. Vie]
· Our hearts just broke a little — scratch that, a LOT — when we read this anecdote about Life Goes On star Corky and his racist streak. This was a Wikipedia hoax; Corky doesn't see color. [Byron Crawford]
· Chuck Klosterman's latest Esquire column features a lengthy diatribe on Jennifer Love Hewitt's left femur ("Love Hewitt’s left thighbone strikes me as unusually long, and I feel like it lacks the convincing self-assurance of her right femur"), which he grades a B+. [Esquire]
· Ignore Lindsay Lohan's nipples for a second and, instead, focus on her mouth. Is she wearing braces? Grillz? Is she chewing tin foil? [Egotastic]
· And we know the day is almost over, but here are 88 ways you can enjoy 8/8/08. Our fave? "Call up Eddie Furlong and ask why there are 8 of him to a mile. Then, find out how he’s doing. Let us know." Guaranteed to be the best list until the 99 ways you can enjoy 9/9/09 comes out next year! [Best Week Ever]

When she sees a fellow media punching bag in distress, Julia Allison will rush to defend them. The dating columnist and fake Star magazine editor, so criticized by nasty blog commenters for being talentless and and fame-whoring, was on the E! show Chelsea Lately last night, discussing, among other things, Tori Spelling. Spelling, an "actress" who is only "famous" because of some random bits of luck (daddy was a zillionaire TV producer), is often under attack, also from nasty blog commenters, for her lack of talent, her fame-grubbing, and, yes, her looks. Chelsea Lately host Chelsea Handler and another panel guest piled on in typical fashion, but Julia, seeing her quasi-celebrity sister in trouble, tried to rescue poor Tori by saying something about how she liked her recent book, sTORItelling. Julia said she read it on the plane on the way to LA and found it quite funny. (Though, um, update! Does that mean Julia Allison can read in her sleep??) She also defended, sort of, Spelling's looks by sputtering "she's apparently really cute in person!" Clip is above.