Cultural capital of the world Los Angeles held up bravely during its earthquake yesterday, not counting its public officials. Bloggers continued their work, showings of Batman went on undisturbed, and gynecologists kept on, uh, doing their thing. But Judge Judy was not the only celebrity to suffer a disruption; the quake shook LA's indispensable horoscope reader CosmosGal (pictured, bracing herself) to distraction! Even worse, the attractive denizens of the Big Brother house were forced to flee outdoors and remove their shirts! You can see both of the stunning clips of disaster survival after the jump; we urge any other minor celebrities who may have been inconvenienced to contact us at once:

Celebrity publicists are definitely busy. They're often liars. Sometimes they try to control media coverage. But are they really a "dark breed of fixers, stuntsters and arch media manipulators"? Do Hollywood flacks count as "an invisible army of Machiavellian schemers"? No, they're more like a very visible army of bumbling media whores and hustlers. But the Times UK has several even more exaggerated descriptions of the prowess of idiot flacks. This story's hyperbole makes it the stupidest article ever written about PR, which threatens to destroy the media forever:

When you're a big time Miami crime rapper who took your name from a legendary cocaine dealer, and somebody "accuses" you of once being a prison guard, why not just admit it? Then you could have a nice laugh about how far you've come. Instead, Rick Ross denied it, and got The Smoking Gun on his case, which just keeps on releasing more evidence of his C.O. career, and now people like us are providing links to his Certificate of Appreciation "in recognition of your service as a Perfect Attendance Employee assisting the Department of Corrections." Hustlin' baby. After the jump, the now-famous photo of the big coke don at his graduation ceremony as a corrections officer, which he tried to attribute to "online hackers" or something:

Whoa, did you know that the somewhat maddening hip hop radio queen and penis-talking daytime TV host Wendy Williams "stands about 6-foot-4 in heels, not counting her sometimes formidable helmet of hair"? That is one tall, tall gossipeuse. And though she's succeeded in getting some good ratings by doing things like battling the evil Omarosa on live TV, Wendy seems to be having a hard time convincing advertisers and publicists that her penis-friendly show is the place for them:

Seriously, what's going on with these Bonnie Fuller columns in Ad Age? The deposed Star chief must still be desperate for cash. And Ad Age must be desperate for amusement, because the main thing these columns do is expose the fact that Bonnie Fuller-despite being paid astronomical amounts of money by several media moguls-is not all that bright. At least when it comes to writing about and/ or analyzing things. Her last column blew the big A-Rod-and-Madonna conspiracy wide open; and today, she reveals what's really going on with Barack Obama's "celebrity" strategy. The twisted truth must come out! You see, Barack Obama didn't just stumble onto the cover of People magazine by chance. Oh no. It's all part of a big PR strategy! That's how things work in the high-level circles to which Bonnie Fuller is privy:

Deep down in our hearts, where we keep our darkest fears hidden, we knew this day would come: the day when you find out after the fact that a hit song is actually an advertisement. Let the tears of rage flow. Chris Brown is not the vessel of true love that you thought! When the R&B star sang "We can go anywhere, go anywhere/ But first, it's your chance, take my hand, come with me," he wasn't talking to you, girl; he was talking to your Wrigley's Doublemint gum. But the company is only revealing its sponsorship after Brown's song, "Forever," had become a top-10 hit. We don't want to appear as if we invest the music of Chris Brown with any meaning whatsoever; but now would be an appropriate time to begin boycotting Wrigley, if you would like to have the option of listening to songs that aren't sponsored by mega-corporations in the coming decade.

The PC joke police are steamrolling testosterone-based advertising! First Nike had to pull its "Air Stab" sneakers out of stores in the UK because people thought they were encouraging unrestrained knife crime. Not a week later, Nike found itself under assault by gays and their internet sympathizers over an ad showing a basketball guy hanging his nuts in another guys' face, with the slogan "That Ain't Right." And now the rising pro-homo chorus has forced Snickers to pull its ad in which Mr. T shoots a speed walker (and gay caricature) with a gatling gun while screaming, "Get some nuts!" Oh, some people get insulted by every little thing. Couldn't they just have digitally inserted a thought balloon on the guy saying "NO HOMO"? Watch the too hot for PC ad yourself, after the jump:

Blonde actress megastar Scarlett Johannson has been accused of drug use by a random graffiti tagger! But there's even more to the imaginary rendezvous; what did you and the busty Tom Waits fan do after the party, random graffiti tagger?:

You're dying to know who the top ten most influential and innovative celebrities on the Internet are, and something horribly misnamed the Econoclast10 is here to tell you. Will Ferrell, unsurprisingly, owns fratboy comedy. Will.i.am with his Obama-deifying "Yes We Can" video social networks like your little goth sister wouldn't believe. And Peter Gabriel may not have had a hit since "Steam" but his website The Filter (Amazon's recommendations turned into a whole service) apparently outranks Tila Tequila's MySpace and Martha Stewart's gargantuan cyberbrand. [PaidContent.org]

"So many people are trying to make a statement by hiring bodyguards," one bicoastal club owner tells W magazine. "They want the stares and the whispers. It's ostentatious." Well, we always tell our guys to keep a low profile, but I suppose we're a bit more cultured than most. The magazine explores the etiquette of bodyguard-having in a new article-which, like having bodyguards, is primarily motivated by a desire to be ostentatious. But it does have some valuable clues as to which celebrities are the worst self-important assholes:

So what's going on with hip hop radio queen Wendy Williams' new morning TV talk show these days? Strife, anger, and war, that's what! You can't say Williams isn't a pro. She knows she has a reputation for evil herself, so she went out and found one of the most widely despised semi-celebrity figures in America-ex-Apprentice star and insane person Omarosa-and invited her on the show yesterday. Chaos ensued! Highlights and the very special video, after the jump.

Oh, New York Times "T" fashion magazine: we will never understand you. We know the glossy mag brings in a ton of advertising dollars for the paper. But beyond that, its editorial mission is too rarefied for us to grasp. There's the odd indie rock fashion spread or child porn dustup, but what for? Today we were informed by a marketing person that the magazine has launched a series of celebrity "screen test" videos on its website. As far as we can tell, they're the first people to succeed in editing a five-minute long Will Ferrell interview in such a way that it is not funny at all. Beyond that, we're not sure what they were trying to accomplish. Watch the clip below, and take your own guess:

Nina Garcia, the erstwhile Project Runway judge and former Elle fashion director, is truly a force of nature. We told you last week that during her final months at Elle, Garcia was getting paid a hefty fee for making public appearances for Anne Klein. But a source tells us that the Anne Klein endorsement, an angry publisher, and Garcia's own strange sense of ethics helped get her booted from Elle in the first place!

Sam Nazarian is "a rich kid from Beverly Hills" who spent his 20s becoming a Hollywood club mogul, hangs out with Salma Hayek, bought a house next to Leo DiCaprio, and played himself on an episode of Entourage. Now he's 32, and he's determined to bring his special brand of awesome party magic-which "draws such names as Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan"-to Las Vegas. He's gonna make Ocean's 11 come alive again, baby, yea! And his PR team demands you respect his hustle:

Some internet person made the outrageous assertion that hip hop superstar Kanye West might be using some hired help to keep up with the posting on his blog. The rapper has a "ghost blogger" named Marcus Troy, they say. Kanye will be damned if he sits back and allows his fans to believe that he does not personally type every rant and find every photo of oddly shaped foreign water bottles all by himself! Ghost blogger? Psht! Kanye has posted irrefutable evidence that his blog is a one man operation:

GOD, we've heard so much about Banksy this week. Yes, you know he's the supersecret anonymous world-famous street artist whose identity may have been revealed at last. But some people do not understand why this is the biggest art story of our generation. At least if you love democracy, freedom, and hilarity! Come along then, as we take a brief whirl through the world of Banksy: An artist that does not suck. With two dozen pictures, yo!

Amy Sacco, the former NYC nightlife queen whose reign on top is now (we believe) pretty much over, still has a bunch of fans at BlackBook magazine. In a new interview-one that describes Sacco in glowing terms that would have been more appropriate three years ago-she talks up her Bungalow 8 club in London. Sure, it had a rough start, and hasn't gotten the greatest reviews, but she points out that "we have a hundred more bathrooms than in New York, so, fabulous!" Ha, [cocaine joke]. But what do Sacco's customers in London have to say in their own reviews?

If you didn't think reality television could get any better than a show about people singing ad jingles and being judged by scandal-plagued former Wal-Mart marketing chief-turned ad world fameball Julie Roehm, think again! Roehm-whose flirting once cost an ad agency a $580 million contract-can't judge all those jingles by herself. So CBS, in full scrambling mode, has selected another judge who is equally respected in the advertising industry: KISS burnout and sex tape star Gene Simmons!

Here's what you've been waiting for, if you're an eccentric millionaire looking to invest a fortune in off-the-wall, possibly crack-inspired schemes: 40 business ideas from actor Gary Busey! These come in the form of 40 different ads for some obscure business phone company (whatever). The point is, Gary Busey really appears to just be riffing all of these off the top of his head so he can leave and get a drink. Bear hair dye? Oh Gary, you are an incorrigible national treasure! Two clips of his wacky wisdom, below:

Brangelina spawn photo war update! We hear that Getty is scheduled to do the photo shoot of Angelina Jolie's new twins on Monday. Knox and Vivienne are officially entering the celebrity media machine, and it's about time! The twist, of course, is that the bidding war between OK! and People for the rights to the photos is still ongoing. The price was hovering between $11 and $12 million this morning, and we hear it hasn't been decided yet. We know you are dying to know who will walk away the victor. A speculative look, and a guess: