Is there a word for that movement that fake rich guy Donald Trump makes when he kind of sneers a little bit and jerks his head spasmodically to the side, in an evil remix version of the "what can I say?" shrug? Let's call it a Derk (Donald Jerk). It's on full display in this infomercial clip, which may be the most perfect distillation I've ever seen of both the humiliation of appearing in an infomercial, and Donald Trump's fundamental asshole nature. This actress actually gets choked up simply by being in his regal, sneering presence. What can he do except pull a Derk? It sends the message, "You know, I'm the biggest prick in the whole world." But she likes it baby, yea:

ONE is the big, vague, utopian project to fight poverty with a nice website and Livestrong-type bracelet sales. They do other things too, I'm sure. It's comparable to Al Gore's effort to end global warming with star power and earnest ads. But ONE has better ads, because they're slightly less earnest. The latest, out today, reveals Matt Damon's true inner femininity:

Times are hard for celebrities: Rocafella Records co-founder and former Jay-Z sidekick Damon Dash (pictured, with Maybach) can't pay his mortgage! His bank has started foreclosure proceedings on his two apartments after the mini-mogul failed to pay his combined $78,500-per-month mortgage. Times are also hard for celebrity coverage: as you can see, it's been reduced to finding ways to tie in the mortgage crisis with celebrity lifestyles. The media's already expanded the definition of "celebrity" to include politicians and athletes, so playing off real estate trends is a logical next step. There's a massive news hole to fill. First Ed McMahon was foreclosed on, now this! When will it stop? We can't wait to find out! [Newsday. Pic via NYM]

Hip hop radio queen and Method Man enemy Wendy Williams' morning TV show was originally planned to just be a temporary thing in a few select markets. But then she started with all the penis talk and the Omarosa-fighting and the advertiser-and-publicist-wooing, and now she's going to be going national. It's a loud, gossiping American media success story!

So here's the new way to get out of your record contract: just "repudiate" it! That's the sophisticated legal strategy employed by 30 Seconds To Mars, Jared Leto's group. His record label, EMI, responded to the band's novel move by suing them for $30 million. Free your mind from the shackles of commerce, EMI! On its website that won't allow you to turn off the god damn music, 30STM explained in a rambling fashion just why they decided to opt out: In California contracts can only last seven years? But they've had theirs for nine years? So they just quit it? No idea if this is legally sound or not.

You may have exclaimed "Uhhhhhhh!" when you heard that New Orleans' favorite musically atrocious bounce rapper Master P is planning to launch a new cable network called Better Black Television (BBTV). P says it will be "a family-friendly network" with "positive subject matter," meaning it's designed to be a kick in the balls to BET, which has been knocked forever for having a trashy programming lineup. Master P jokes aside, could this thing actually work-and should it? We, the opposite of his target demographic, will tell you the answer: BBTV's announced show lineup so far includes hip hop video and interview shows with only "appropriate" music included; a comedy show; a kids' show called Gee Gee the Giraffe; a bilingual soap opera; a cooking show; a financial literacy show; a "behind-the-scenes" celebrity show; family-friendly black movies; and profiles of historical black figures. If you've spent much time watching BET, the lineup sounds awfully familiar. BBTV is essentially saying that it will be what everyone hoped BET would be before it degenerated into lots of infomercials, Juice reruns, and endless repetitions of, um, Master P videos. (Although BET has made a bit of a comeback with original programming recently, it hasn't been enough to resurrect its reputation for embracing stereotypical lowest-common-denominator black programming). So yes, the irony of Master P running a positive network is not lost on anyone. But give the man some credit. He went from selling tapes of his terrible music out of car trunks to running a business conglomerate that probably makes him worth more the Puff Daddy, his more glamorous NYC counterpart. BET has long had the "black cable network" idea to itself, which allowed it to get away with selling such crappy programming for so long. So P, we salute your business sense and your commitment to positivity, if not any of your 15 albums or your son's equally grating music. Master P could easily be the next black billionaire; he just needs to remember not to go so heavy on the music censorship that he blocks exposure for the next coming of himself. Uhhhhhhhh.

The political conventions are pointless pageants designed to get candidates and up-and-coming political stars some prime time television exposure. They're also convenient excuses for trying out new and exciting paramilitary policing and, most importantly, lengthy benders for political operatives, donors, and the rest of the party faithful. Booze will flow, drugs will be procured, local women of the night will be solicited. And—celebrities! Oddly, Hollywood lobbying group Creative Coalition will bring Maggie Gyllenhaal and Neil Patrick Harris to Minnesota for a party at the Republican convention. Though maybe it's not so odd? Being the party of closet kinky bastards (how awesome is it that their convention is in the Twin Cities, right?), they're presumably familiar with Gyllenhaal's rich filmography. And, as we all know, Neil Patrick Harris is the gay who makes the straights feel totally comfortable. Word to the wise: outside of the Distilled Spirits Council party, skip the official bullshit and get wasted at the damn CC Club or something.

Kendra Wilkinson is a tanned, platinum-blond Playboy Model from Southern California who refers to Olive Garden as "my soul food." Which would seem to be exactly the sort of culinary embrace that one would expect from Hugh Hefner's live-in girlfriend, no? It's really quite a revealing bit of Americana. But Olive Garden itself wants to cater exclusively to waddling suburbanites, and fears that Wilkinson's sexy sexual sexuality will, somehow, scare away the clean customers. But why?

Nightlife photographer Patrick McMullan has always wanted to be respected. His pictures helped create the reputations of niche characters ranging from hipster party gods the Misshapes to famed socialgay publicist Kristian Laliberte, and McMullan himself sees no reason he shouldn't share the spotlight. Unfortunately for him, he's fundamentally an inflated paparazzo, and not a wealthy one-a pretty significant stumbling block to becoming close friends with real celebrities. What to do, when publishing books has proved fruitless? Start a self-branded magazine, of course! (That comes on your iPhone, for some reason?) McMullan's new "magazine" will be strictly iPhone-only, I guess to keep it out of the hands of the wrong crowd. The "magazine" will be called PMc and feature his own photos, a double shot of self-promotion.

A famous megachurch pastor in a (racist?) airplane rage! An extortionate flight attendant! A sham psychologist-for-hire who will say anything for the right price! All the ingredients for a cheap, trite courtoom novel are present in the case of Victoria Osteen, the co-pastor (with her husband Joel) of the 40,000-strong Lakewood megachurch in Texas, which is often used as a convenient public symbol of the creepy huge-church trend. Is Victoria a benign blond brainwashed by Jesus, or a sinister undercover bigot set to explode at any moment? Here are the holy facts:

Now that gangster heir John "Junior" Gotti has been arrested by the feds once again, how will his three nephews-stars of the reality show Growing Up Gotti-support themselves? CollegeOTR reports that middle son John is in college somewhere, and young diet book author Frank has had some troubles with drugs. That means the family's big hope is 22-year-old Carmine Gotti, who's trying for a career in hip hop. He's signed on the Ruff Ryders label despite the fact that he sounds like he was just taught how to rap last week by somebody who, themselves, did not know how to rap. You can listen to two of his blazin' hot tracks here, both of which concern how much he would enjoy getting to know you, girl. Would you like to see a few of C. Gotti's publicity photos that are prime candidates for inclusion in the Guide To Young Italian-American Male Stereotypes? Click through, then!

Harvey Levin, the schlocky managing editor of thieving celebrity news conglomerate TMZ, will have you know he's just a naturally honest man playing this dirty game. "We don't want to be a red carpet," he said, strangely, during a July interview at the EconCeleb conference. Harvey has drawn a very clear line for himself about what he will and won't cover; a line that goes back and forth and around in pinwheels until we really don't know if he's just messing with all of us:

Beatrice Inn impresario Paul Sevigny's long-awaited project to transplant the downtown NYC celebrity party scene to Atlantic City at The Chelsea Hotel has now launched. Nightlife dude Ray LeMoine writes rapturously about the trip down to AC on a weeded-out party bus and the awesome penthouse party. "Las Vegas but with cool people," he says. The "collective nowness" of "Team Beatrice" could make The Chelsea "a new weekend spot for downtown's kids," he adds. Have fun, kids! We'll pass. [Medicine Agency]

John "Junior" Gotti-son of the late Gambino family crime boss John Sr. and brother to Growing Up Gotti star Victoria-was arrested this morning on murder conspiracy charges, reportedly "in connection with a drug smuggling ring and 3 prior mob-hits." Gotti was tried twice before for the 1992 attempted murder of talk show host Curtis Sliwa, but got off both times, and had seemed to be poised for a quiet retirement in his Long Island home. Junior's only previous stint in prison-from 1999 to 2005-came after he was convicted of shaking down Scores, the favorite strip club of New York's celebrity and media elite:

Remember that guy John Kerry who ran for president? He was always trying to cast himself as such an average guy, getting embarrassed when he was photographed windsurfing and generally behaving like he wasn't a Massachusetts millionaire. This made lots of Democrats who are also smart hate John Kerry. Obama, though, is not afraid to embrace his own celebrity. Which makes the urban NPR demographic love him, because they can get their jolt of politics and celebrity all at once, leaving them more time for unproductive leisure. And Democrats haven't forgetten that lots of the upwardly mobile US liberals live in civilized Europe; so Democrats Abroad has just released this "viral video" urging them all to vote. Gwyneth Paltrow is in it! Forget to send in your absentee ballot for Obama and lose your chance to be invited to a Gwyneth Paltrow dinner party, is the unspoken message. Watch it below:

Hasn't Anne Hathaway been through enough, you fiends? The pixie-ish actress is just getting a break from the nonstop tabloid coverage of her breakup with her ex, Italian playboy and scam artist Raffaello Follieri, and his subsequent arrest for fraud. But even though Follieri's in jail, the relationship is still haunting Hathaway: the rumor is that he had a stash of nude photos of the actress, which are now in the hands of the FBI and...maybe somewhere else?

Calvin Klein has produced an ad campaign featuring a sultry actress flashing a nipple. That ad has now been banned from TV in America, resulting in a heap of free press for CK and its new fragrance. Could this standard-issue fashion PR masterstroke have been purposeful? A CK exec says it's "not entirely" a surprise that the ad showing Hitch starlet Eva Mendes writhing around naked on a bed (covered only by a strategically rumpled sheet) has been rejected by US networks. (It shows her nipple, duh!) The creative director behind it is maintaining a sense of righteous outrage, but this is clearly a well-executed textbook case of manufacturing controversy for publicity. Yes, we have the ad after the jump.

We'll try to break this situation down for you as gently as possible so than any Australian members of our audience don't immediately begin tearing off their clothes and taking topless pictures of themselves, which seems to be a typical reaction to the following story amongst a certain demographic. Earlier this week, Gawker's sexy sister site Fleshbot tracked down a topless photo of Jessica Origliasso, a 23-year-old Australian pop star who sings in a group called The Veronicas with her twin sister. For ease of comparison, let's call her the Aussie Lindsay Lohan (they both like to kiss girls). Now people in Australia are going all WILD over this scandal and BARING THEIR BOSOMS. We must call for calm!

Ebay is not just for auctioning off books related to obscure literary feuds; it's also a good place for members of the working class to hustle mementos of the humbling moments when celebrities crossed their paths and acted like jerks. One item that you just missed bidding on: a receipt from an Atlanta-area restaurant signed by Outkast rapper Andre 3000. The meal cost $46.01. Andre's tip: $0. But the receipt sold for almost $15, so the waiter came out ahead. That said, let's segue into THIS: a look back at some other fabulous celebrity-related items that appeared on eBay in the recent past:

"Celebrity fans of Pussy, which is stocked in VIP and members clubs across the UK, include Daisy Lowe, Mark Ronson and Jay-Z." [Digital Spy]