Because the Orange County, New York, and Atlanta versions of the Real Housewives reality series—about horrible noveau riche women and the booze they drink—have been such successes, another version is in the works. Newark!

NBC will leave no stunt unplayed in its attempt to own Super Bowl Sunday, with Jessica Alba and Cloris Leachman now confirmed to appear alongside Jack Black in that night's special hour-long Office episode.

Director Todd Solondz has brilliantly captured the banality, ugliness, sadness, and, ultimately, strange beauty of modern American living in films like Welcome to the Dollhouse, Happiness, and Palindromes. He's weird, but good! But now, we fear, he may just be weird. He's doing a sequel to Happiness, which is about miserable suburbanites who do things like rub semen on walls and rape little boys, and he's casting very erratically. The latest to be enlisted are Charlotte Rampling, the English French film star, and, um, Paris Hilton. Yes the heiress and tabloid magnet blonde lady is joining Rampling, Shirley Henderson (Moaning Myrtle!), Rome actor Ciaran Hinds, and Allison Janney for the film which is "part sequel, part variation" to the 1998 original. I guess it's sort of fitting, given that Hilton herself is banal, ugly, sad, and, ultimately, strangely beautiful. No word yet on who Hilton will be playing, though the production is currently filming in San Juan, Puerto Rico so we hope that maybe she's playing a young tourist who gets sold into white slavery and shipped off somewhere on a boat and she spends most of the time crying but eventually learns to oddly love her captors and then at the end, over a montage of lovely images of sad yet hopeful people, she delivers a haunting closing monologue about the transience of all things.

Quentin Tarantino and Brad Pitt's Teutonic catalogue-shoot adventure became all the more glamorous today as news leaked that Hong Kong icon Maggie Cheung is preparing to join the cast of Inglourious Basterds [sic]. Not to be outdone, Tarantino alum Samuel L. Jackson finally got around to reading the bootlegged script on his desktop, apparently phoning the filmmaker to lobby for some motherfucking narration up in this motherfucking war movie. And it worked!Jackson won't likely make the trip to Germany, however, where Cheung shall make her diva descent shortly for the role of Madame Mimieux, the French cinema proprietor who, according to the Playlist, "takes in the protagonist Shosanna (Melanie Laurent) when she is homeless and being sought by the Nazis." A man whose Asian-film fetish defers only to his taste for toes, Tarantino will work around the minor French/Chinese ethnicity-disconnect problem later just for the chance to work with Cheung — and potentially finish the movie someday after first and second choices Nastassja Kinski and Isabelle Huppert reportedly bowed out of the same role. Meanwhile, Jackson's narration will come much later, a small part whose expository whimsy served as rich consolation yesterday from old pal Tarantino after the indignity of Jackson's attachment to... we can't even say it. That's what friends are for, we guess.

No one's asking Johnny Depp to pursue a boring, traditional Hollywood acting career, but this is just getting ridiculous. The Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas star has been cast in three new movies, all of which are silly, "quirky" character parts that will further obscure the man's innate talent behind a curious mask of ticks and inflections, jaunty gaits and syncopated eye blinks. He'll once again Keith Richards it up in another, the fourth, Pirates of the Caribbean movie (to be titled Pirates of the Caribbean: We're All Pulling For This Orlando Bloom Kid, For Some Inexplicable Reason) and then he'll go on to play the Mad Hatter in an Alice In Wonderland movie and Tonto in the Lone Ranger film. He's also been cast as the wicked, brooding, vampiric Barnabas Collins in a movie version of the 1960's Gothic horror campfest TV show Dark Shadows. He's got one film slated, Shantaram, in which he'll actually play, y'know, a real person, but director Mira Nair has had years of trouble trying to get the India-set behemoth off the ground. In the meantime he'll continue disappearing further and further down the proverbial rabbit hole, increasingly becoming the Al Pacino or Robert DeNiro of faux-outre mainstream cinema. They play cops and crooks, he plays fops and kooks. We know this is sacrilege to some, but anyone who thought that Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Depp's Willy Wonka were "warped" or "twisted" or "subversive" should take off their Vans and put on some grownup shoes. Pirates was fun for a while, but the third one played like a drunken Wagner dream ballet and Depp just seemed so tired. He must be! We'd love to see him put on a pair of normal pants and say interesting lines to other adults saying lines about adult things. Just once? Please? Because he's so talented. And this just seems like a silly waste.

The CW has released a video of the first few scenes of Gossip Girl's 2nd season premiere. The show, about bitchy, scheming Manhattan rich kids and three impoverished Brooklynites, returns next Monday (squee) and looks to begin with sex and making out and boobs! and more making out, and, heh heh, Jay McInerney. Yes the sadsack author makes a cameo as Dan Humphrey's (the chief Brooklyn poor) summertime mentor. He can be seen in this clip reading something while Dan makes-out cute with some brunette chippy. So, brace yourselves. Clip is after the jump.

Tori Spelling dropped out, Jennie Garth is bummed, and now Ian Ziering says he will not appear on the new 90210 because it "might be a step backwards." Ahh the arrogance of youth. Uh, I mean. Middle age.

Ohhh Lost scoop. Two new characters (yes! more!) named Caesar (like Planet of the Apes, Doc Jensen guess) and Illana. Both are dangerous. WHEN IS FEBRUARY? [EW]

Lauren "LC" Conrad, star of MTV's study of paint drying The Hills, will be guest-starring on an upcoming episode of Greek, a show we actually like. Heidi, meanwhile, will be guest-starring on a video monitor at one of those little kiosks at the Arsenal Mall. [EW]

Of all the cameos on Gossip Girl (Lydia Hearst! A kid I knew in college!), this one has to be my favorite. Jay McInerney is doing a guest spot next season. One of our saddest writers, McInerney wrote a definitive novel about youngs in New York called Bright Lights, Big City about sixty-three years ago and has been sorta mooching and blogging and bopping around since. (Oh fine, I suppose he's written some other novels too.) Matthew Settle, who plays Pa Humphrey on the New York City-set teen soap about the sadness and mystery of money, says that ol' Jay will be playing a mentor to Dan, a strapping DUMBO teen who aspires to be a writer (he's already been published in The New Yorker! Fist bump!) So that's just pretty much hilarious. Hopefully he'll enjoy the crafts services.

That's Cuba Gooding Jr. (natch), Lucy Liu, Jim Caviezel, Adrien Brody (sigh), Ben Chaplin, Wes Bentley, Emma Stone (really?), and the doomed Heather Graham. Well, these are The Playlist's picks for who needs new representation. We agree with most of the choices, except for Emma Stone, who is so new to the scene that it's hard to tell. In fact, we think she could be a member of the Tabloid Class of 2010. We've added another suggestion after the jump.

Everyone (especially those who work at Elle) will eventually be on a reality show! Kelly Killoren Bensimon has been added to the cast of Bravo's reality nightmare Real Housewives of New York City. Like Project Runway judge Nina Garcia, Bensimon used to work at Elle magazine. Her ex-husband, Elle photographer Gilles Bensimon, used to do a prize photo shoot with the winner of America's Next Top Model. The black hole of reality TV continues to suck everyone who's ever crossed its path into its cold, obliterating maw. Video of Ms. Bensimon in the Hamptons is after the jump.

Those rumors that Amy Poehler might be starring in the upcoming spin-off of The Office are flaring up again. I think it's good news for the Boston College alum (woot!), as she's kind of ceded her comfy position as top fiddle on Saturday Night Live to other funny lady Kristen Wiig. Update: Not a spin-off, but a Greg Daniels series nonetheless.

Another little tale from the mixed-up files of Harvey Weinstein. One name on the busy movie czar's "Calls You Owe" list was Gwyneth Paltrow "re: Promises, Promises." The Village Voice claims that ol' Harve was due to call the pretend-British actress about playing the lead in a revival of the peculiar (if successful) 1968 Broadway musical. Funny thing though, non-gold-digging actress Anne Hathaway has supposedly already procured the role. Oh isn't casting fun? Your famous costars may think that you'll steal roles away from Gwyneth, but Paltrow's big name and big friendship with Weinstein will, of course, kick your ass in the end. Though, I don't quite get what all the fuss is about. Again, the show is peculiar, especially its show-stopping number "Turkey Lurkey Time." To see what I'm talking about, consult some video after the jump.

Amy Ryan—she of the near-perfect Boston accent in Gone Baby Gone—will be reprising her HR lady role on the The Office for at least five episodes next season.

Sex and the City workhorse Sarah Jessica Parker is in talks to star in the upcoming movie The Ivy Chronicles. Marking a huge departure from her previous acting gig, Ivy is about a single gal in New York City who lives in a series of wildly unrealistic apartments. The character, Ivy Ames, also helps rich kids get into rich people schools. This could be a make-it-or-break-it movie for Ms. Parker, who's had great success with the SATC series and movie, but whose other film efforts, for the most part, have, erm, failed to launch (though, the actual film Failure to Launch did very respectably at the box office.) Read a more detailed description of this Ivy Bradshaw—I mean Ames—after the jump.

Good gravy. Tinsley Mortimer is making a cameo on Gossip Girl next season, which she filmed over the weekend in the Hamptons. The handbag-designing, gobbledygook-talking Upper East Side socialite is a natural fit for the Upper East Side teen soap, we think. One wonders if she'll be playing herself or a character, perhaps named Brinsley Lorimer or something (who maybe eats banana peels and falls down the stairs a lot.) It's somewhat exciting news for Mortimer fans who were undoubtedly saddened by the untimely passing of her scuttled reality show. ("It was incredibly boring. The project is dead." Ouch!) Tinz joins fellow socialite Lydia Hearst, who guested on the first season finale back in May. Above is a picture of Ms. Mortimer on the set (via INF), and after the jump is an exclusive clip from one of her GG scenes.

Sometimes we feel the need to get down on our knees and bow down to Mother of the Century Dina Lohan. Not only did she produce the neverending carnival ride that is Lindsay Lohan, but she has managed to do the impossible: get Ali Lohan a job. Sure, Ali was supposed to be a rap star or white hip hop lyricist or something, but a gig is a gig. Proving that one should always be careful of what they wish for, Ali’s desire to “be just like Lindsay” has manifested in the form of a potential starring role in the remake of a 1980s cult not-so-classic. But before congratulating the 15-year old by sending over a giant supply of cokepants and nail polish to Casa Lohan, we’re forced to rain on this pitiful parade by informing you which movie Ali’s Big Break will be in: the remake of Troll. Why this is quite possibly the worst idea in the history of ideas, after the jump.

Warning! Cougars are everywhere! They're reading you your evening news, confusing dead people, and threatening day hikers and naturalists nationwide. And now they're going to be on the damn Gossip Girl. Yes, impossibly-named actress Mädchen Amick (Twin Peaks) has just been cast on the Upper East Side teen soap as Catherine Mason, an older woman who aims to seduce our prettiest young thing, Nate (played by Chace Crawford). Well, that's good news I suppose. Nate could use some spicing up, as his character is currently about as bland as impossibly gorgeous bland people can get. Also nice to hear that they shored-up some casting after their Hamptons open casting proved to be a complete disaster. But "cougar." Grr. (Noise-pun not intended). That may just be EW's word, but we kinda doubt it. Is anyone as sick of that term as I am?

Gossip Girl wants you! No, not you. Move over. I'm talking to that rich Hamptonite kid behind you who "own[s] a wide variety of upscale wardrobe including, but not limited to, polished trendy, designer labels, elegant formalwear, single and double breasted suits in addition to tasteful shoes and accessories." Yes indeed, the buzzed-about teen soap that no one actually watches will be filming in the Hamptons this summer and an open casting call (well, open for SAG members) for extras will be held this Saturday from 1-4 at some place called the Pink Elephant, in West Hamptonsberrycourt. Or some such silly town. Someone please go! Calling all well-dressed out of work actors who read Gawker! You could play "polished Upper East Side types, young, sexy Manhattan socialites, conservative prep-school teenagers, and bourgeois, high society types". And that's not the only casting going on! A tipster tells us of a far more depressing and poorly attended cattle call, for a Howard Stern project naturally, that was witnessed today, after the jump.