Vaguely annoying Brit writer and Top Chef judge Toby Young was hit by a car while riding his bike in London last week, but he's going to be okay. Here, his busted head. [Toby's blog]

The Way We Live Now: Rollin on Dubs. You can't keep the US auto industry down! Unless "you" are a superior foreign competitor. But if "you" are bankruptcy, forget it. USA car companies are back!

The Way We Live Now: Fleeing the police, on foot. Who can afford cars? Let them all go bankrupt. All we need for our ATM robberies are a crowbar and a laid-off blesbok, for distraction.

"This is a tough time for the very wealthy," begins a story about how "ultra-luxury" auto brands are confident that their customers will survive. Meanwhile, the American dream is now "to be a renter!"

Here's something scary that exists: The Automotive Broadcasting Network ("Fueled by CBS"!), which beams soothing, automotive industry-friendly news into car dealerships, so as not to upset the customers. Katie Couric is a GM zombie!

Last year, class resentment in NYC consisted of the poors complaining about the excesses of the rich, while the rich paid no attention. But now the rich are forced to pretend to change. Slight progress!

"[White House National Economic Council Director Lawrence] Summers owns a 1995 Mazda Protege that's registered in Massachusetts." [Detroit News]

Here's something for conspiracy theorists: earlier this month, news emerged that the wife of financier Steven Rattner got a DUI last year, which was conveniently not reported upon. Now Rattner's Obama administration job has disappeared.

Motorists find ads annoying when they are placed on billboards, hundreds of feet away. "Better" idea: why not make them think that your ad is actually vandalism to their car? Yea!

Always wanted to own a President's old car, but haven't been able to find one with a Hemi engine? Now you can buy Barack Obama's 2005 Chrysler 300C for a great price!

In this age of fossil fuel depletion, economic meltdown, and a dying US auto industry, how should consumers pick an automobile? By bowing to the demands of the world's most terrifying screeching red-haired brat:

Hey, there's been a huge auto bailout! In this clip, GM execs show up for a press conference in less-than-crisp suits, their way of screwing American taxpayers again (I think). Smug, guys.

So it's happened: the Montauk Monster has sold out. This Brazilian Volkswagen ad purportedly features a "dogfish," but its true identity is clear. You've come a long way, Monty. Video proof after the jump:

Popular gay socialist Barney Frank is trying to run these auto industry bailout hearings in Congress, but he has to spend time dealing with so much unimportant crap. Here he is trying to explain speaking time limits and travel arrangements for today's hearing. One of his snide-ass colleagues chimes in to tell the auto execs that he won't ask about their travel arrangements: "I'm a congressman, not a Conde Nast travel agent." Yea, you wish you were a Conde Nast travel agent, dork. Also, are you calling Barney Frank gay? Click to watch the outrage.

Ford Motor Co. CEO Alan Mulally is a Ford-drivin' man. The humble CEO, who is forced to feed his family on a mere $1/ year salary, announced that rather than taking a private jet like last time, he's going to catch the carpool fever and drive on down to Washington, DC to beg the government for bailout money. Driving himself, in a Ford hybrid car! Has someone been taking our PR advice? We'll say yes! Reportedly, "The Ford road trip would cost about $29, excluding snacks." Cost of snacks: $25 billion. [NYP]

Poor General Motors Corp may not be around forever if certain auto dealers on a bus ride cannot persuade the federal government to give the failing company $25 billion. Sad! Remember when GM cars ruled the roads, America ruled the world, and men were men? Those were the days. We've collected a gallery of ten classic GM ads from the good old days of the 1930s, to remind you of what once was, and what shall never be again. Weep for your autos:

America's failing auto companies continue to Get The Message Loud And Clear about Making Real Changes that will Make America Strong Again. They just really, really need that $25 billion government bailout first, okay? Seriously. GM has already promised to give up some of its corporate jets and order cheaper pencils. And now, a bunch of auto industry types are doing what GM's execs should have done in the first place: carpooling to Washington! Though it may be, objectively, the lamest car pool ever: 1. "As of now, the three executives — Rick Wagoner of General Motors, Alan R. Mulally of Ford Motor and Robert L. Nardelli of Chrysler — are not planning to join the carpool." 2. "Initially, organizers intended to assemble a convoy of numerous fuel-efficient, American-made vehicles to demonstrate the innovation coming from Detroit, but it might end up being more about the people involved than the products. 'From an efficiency standpoint, getting a bus or two would probably be the best way to go.'" 3. "The group is planning a quick trip, perhaps leaving Dec. 7 and heading back late the next day, with no stops for rallies or demonstrations." Two buses, full of auto dealers, on an 18-hour round trip from Detroit to Washington, with no public rallies. But they did get the New York Times to cover it, so hey. [NYT]

Floundering maker of autos GM got slammed for flying its executives to Washington on private jets to beg for a government bailout. They were denied, so now they've decided to cut back on every last unnecessary expense. And today, the company announced that it's going to end its $8 million per year endorsement contract with Tiger Woods. Though GM swears that, hey, this has nothing to do with their desperate quest for a bailout—"the timing...is purely coincidental." (Bullshit, judging purely on outward appearance). Where else is the company cutting costs? Everywhere, starting with the paper towels!:

Even in a perfect economy, the media would be having economic problems dealing with the internet's impact on the traditional media business models. That's more than enough to worry about. But of course the economy is far from perfect, so the media has an extra challenge: its advertisers are losing money. And for some, we're not talking about fluctuations; we're talking about huge ad buyers who might be wiped off the map. This is why every media company is really, really hoping that the government rushes to the aid of General Motors and its dying US auto industry friends. The auto industry is one of the biggest advertisers of all. Local newspapers reap a lot of their revenue from local auto dealer ads. (The recent decline of those, along with real estate ads and retail ads, has local papers scrambling to figure out what to do). But that's just one small piece; television auto ads and sponsorships are declining too. GM spent more than $2 billion on advertising last year, and when they make cuts, media companies can see tens or hundreds of millions of dollars evaporate. In August, GM pulled out of its sponsorship of the Academy Awards. In September, the company slashed its digital ad budget and decided not to sponsor the Super Bowl. Even when GM tries to spend money, they're cursed. They signed up for a big product placement deal in the craptastic new NBC Christian Slater show My Own Worst Enemy—but yesterday NBC announced it was going to cancel the show because of low ratings. Boy that sucks. And today we learned that, thanks the auto industry's troubles, Christmas has been ruined at yet another media company! A tipster sent us an internal memo to staffers at Sirius XM Satellite Radio from the CEO Mel Karmazin, the former Viacom exec; he's copying his old company by canceling the holiday party and giving everyone an extra vacation day instead. "The economy is slowing, our OEM and retail partners are hurting, satellite radio sales are not growing as we would like, and our stock price reflects that along with other issues," Karmazin writes. A major reason: all those new cars with built-in satellite radios aren't selling. How bad is it overall?