It started, innocently enough, with a lobster. Then Mark Zuckerberg killed a chicken. By the time the Facebook CEO escalated to a pig and a goat — "he cut the goat's throat with a knife," a friend reported — the media took notice. But it was too late.

Welcome to the terrible nexus of Foodie and Earth Mama culture: In "The Placenta Cookbook," New York Magazine reports that the placentas of Brooklyn are no longer content to be buried in gardens, or ground into powder and consumed as nutrient-rich dietary supplements. (That is so 2009.) Every placenta who is any placenta gets blended into a coconut juice smoothie, or Bloody Mary, or placenta jerky strip:

The Russian authorities have announced they have in custody a fellow who ate an acquaintance's liver. With potatoes.

If you're getting a Secret Service beatdown, at least do it with gusto: Career criminal Gregory Brockman wrote a jailhouse letter threatening to kill the President and eat his flesh. This has been your creative assassination plot of the day.

Sex criminal Nicolas Cocaign is on trial for beating his prison cellmate, stabbing him with a pair of scissors, cutting him open, popping out a rib, ripping out a lung, and eating it with a side of fried onions.

A proponent of healthcare reform reportedly bit off the pinkie finger of a 65-year-old anti-reform protester at a rally in Sherman Oaks, Calif., yesterday. He should have eaten his heart—it gives you their strength!

Remember our good friend Anthony Morley? You know Anthony, he's the Mr. Gay UK winner who slit his lover's throat and then fried him up with olive oil and various spices and ate him. He's a nice young chap, and ha ha!, he was a chef by trade. So that's creepy and funny in a really terrible way. Well he was just sent to prison and, wouldn't you know it, he'll be working as a prison chef! The good news is that they're not letting him use knives. Since this is such a salacious, baroque bit of scandal, we figured we needed a splashy tabloid headline to commemorate the occasion. We came up with the awful one above, and we bet you can beat it. Leave your best gay cannibal headlines in the comments and we'll pick our favorite. Winner gets fame and glory in Photoshopped newspaper form.