Last week, the Cannes Film Festival was the site of several movie-worthy crimes of its own, as both a a million dollar jewel heist and a shooting caught on camera reportedly took place on the same day. And on Sunday, news broke that another high-profile burglary hit the French Riviera during the prestigious festival.

Reuters reports a man "carrying a dummy grenade and a knife" as well as a pistol was arrested immediately after firing shots at the Cannes Film Festival. No injuries are being reported.

Attention, nerds! The Cannes Film Festival held its award ceremony on Sunday, handing Terence Malick's Tree of Life the top prize and giving Kirsten Dunst the Best Actress award for Jumanji.

Lars von Trier's trainwreck press conference is the gift that keeps on giving. The Telegraph posted video of von Trier's Nazi meltdown, and it's the second-most awkward press conference footage I have ever seen, right after Gloria Allred's baseball bat masturbation press conference. Seated next to Von Trier, Kirsten Dunst covers her face with her hand and looks mortified. Unless it's leftover mortification from Lars' "really, really, really hardcore" comment?

If you were rich and famous and had a movie to promote, you would be in the south of France right now basking in the sun and strolling down the red carpet in a couture creation. But you're not. You're reading this on the internet somewhere. Because we're jealous, let's all make fun of the stars who are there, shall we?

Just like most acceptance speeches and colonoscopies, the Cannes Film Festival goes on a little bit too long. That means that all of Hollywood is still living it up in the south of France, wearing their fancy clothes, and going to movie premieres. Here are some of the highlights.

Last year, the Cannes Film Festival's designated troublemaker was Lindsay Lohan, who eventually ended up in jail for her probation-violating week of debauchery. With LiLo cleaning up her act stateside this year, who will be our party hearty ambassador to Cannes?

Last night marked the start of the Cannes Film Festival, Hollywood's paid vacation to the south of France. So, who's currently caught up in the collision of blockbusters and indies? Oh, just about every star on earth. Here are just a few.

[A flash of light erupts as the stars approach the paparazzi on the red carpet at the premiere of The Housemaid at the Cannes Film Festival today. Image via Getty]

[Oliver Stone boasting to New York about the excitement surrounding the premiere of his new movie, Wall Street 2: Something After the Colon, at the Cannes Film Festival tomorrow. Image via Getty]

Due to some drama with volcanic ash, we weren't able to make it to Cannes this year. Fortunately, French-speaking fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern had already washed ashore, so we hustled her over to the festival to cover it for us.

Research gives us mixed messages about whether award show trophies are any indicator of quality. Well, scholars, we'll break it down for you: It's all just a shell game bought and paid for by the studios.

The Twitteratti are pecking away the wins at the 2009 Cannes Film Festival that don't involve Jean-Claude Van Damme getting freak-ay with some fan(nes). Michael Moore, pictured, wasn't there. This year's winners:

• Want to buy Playboy? Mail a check for $300 million to Hugh Hefner. [NYP]
• A look at the "highlights, lowlights and sidelights" from upfront week. [NYT]
• The Cannes Film Festival didn't stir up as much buzz as in years past, although industry types are hoping/praying that the worst is over. [WSJ]
• Tyra Banks will have 12 hours of airtime a week on the CW this fall; if she "gets hit by a car this year, the CW will have to go out of business." [NYP]
• Bruce will be the last act at Giants Stadium before it's demolished. [AP]
• T+L's new pro-travel ad campaign suggests people "please go away." [WWD]
• Vintage Books is promoting Netherland with a blurb by Barack Obama. [NYO]
• Jon Peters' tell-all about Hollywood sure sounds interesting! [DHD]

What do party fixtures Andrew Saffir and Daniel Benedict have planned this weekend? Glad you asked! "Memorial Day weekend we divide our time between the South of France for the fin of the Cannes Film Festival and the fin of an all-American East Hampton holiday weekend. While I'd like to say we will be going to an endless array of barbecues, clambakes and Summer kick-off parties, we're more likely to be asleep on the beach nursing our exhaustion from eleven consecutive 3 a.m. nights of rosé and Bellini-soaked parties and trop de Croisette carrousing." [FWD]

Cannes has been buzzing for several days now, and you've probably seen dozens of photos of the same celebrities walking up the same red carpet, all doing their very best to seem interested in the hoopla around them. But what are the stars seeing as they move from premiere to premiere? A very different view of the Cannes Film Festival—from the vantage point of, say, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt—below.

• Mayor Bloomberg will be joined at City Hall tomorrow by Anna Wintour, Vera Wang, and Macy's chief Terry Lundgren to announce an event called Fashion's Night Out. As part of the Sept. 10 extravaganza, stores across town will stay open until midnight and host parties that will—gasp!—be open to the public. [NYT]
• Anna has a busy day tomorrow. In addition to the City Hall thing, she'll also be at Columbia to attend Bee Shaffer's graduation. [Fashionologie]
• The fashion, parties, and sheer stupidity you're missing at the Cannes Film Festival at the moment. [NYT, WWD]
• Michelle wore an Alaïa dress and Thakoon jacket to last night's ABT gala. [AP]
• You may want to try haggling the next time you're at Lord & Taylor. [NYM]
• Burberry backed away from its signature plaid a few years ago over concerns it was way too overexposed. But now they're bringing it back. [WSJ]
• Victoria Beckham is a big fan of the Birkin bag. She has 100 of them. [P6]

• How are things going at the Cannes Film Festival? It depends on who you talk to. The Journal says it's been "conspicuously less frenzied" and business has been "slow." The Hollywood Reporter says it's beating expectations and "doomsayers" have been "proven wrong." Take your pick. [WSJ, THR]
• NBC is dropping Medium and My Name Is Earl for the fall, but bringing back Chuck. It's also renewed Law & Order for a 20th season. [NYT, AP, NYT]
• What can you expect on ABC this fall? More Dancing With the Stars. [THR]
• CBS is ditching Without A Trace, but has renewed Numb3rs. [EW]
• Time Warner Cable is dropping HDNet and HDNet Movies as May 31. [MC]

• CBS has released more footage from Morley Safer's interview with Anna Wintour from this Sunday's 60 Minutes. In this installment, Anna explains why she insists on wearing sunglasses indoors. (The answer: It's her "armor.") [CBS]
• Matthew Williamson's second collection for H&M arrived in stores today. [Racked]
• LVMH may be buying a stake in the green fashion line backed by Bono. [WSJ]
• A retrospective on fashion photographer Richard Avedon opens tomorrow at the International Center of Photography. Cathy Horyn looks back. [NYT]

• Veteran theater producer Rocco Landesman has been nominated to be the next chairman of the National Endowment for the Arts. [NYT]
• Why did David Geffen try to buy a stake in the New York Times? It wasn't because he thought he'd make money, that's for certain. [Newsweek]
• After taking some heat over a $75,000 speaking fee he received last week, the Times's Tom Friedman says he now plans to return the money. [LAT]
• Sarah Palin's book deal with HarperCollins is a go. How much money was involved isn't clear but the memoir will be out in 2010, which just so happens when she'll be running for reelection in Alaska. [LAT, AP]
• Bad news, hooker fans: Craigslist is dropping its erotic services section. [WP]