It's Thanksgiving in Canada today. In Brooklyn, the proper way to observe the holiday is to picket a local artisanal poutine establishment.

According to an internal Air Canada memo leaked to CBC, officials at the airline had to implore its pilots—again—that they shouldn't be bringing their porn into the cockpit with them. "I am disappointed to have to raise this issue once again but unfortunately we have some people that have yet to understand the message," Rod Graham, Air Canada's chief pilot and director of fleet operations and training, writes in the memo.

Canadian Kai Xu was caught at the Detroit border crossing with 51 live turtles taped to his legs and his groin. His smuggling attempt was botched by both his bulging sweatpants and an extensive surveillance operation by U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service agents, according to The Guardian:

Guy Blouin, 48, died in Quebec City, Canada, last week. According to witnesses, he had been run over by a police cruiser after riding his bicycle the wrong way on a one-way street, and officers continued to arrest him even after blood poured out of his mouth.

A 9-year-old boy in Saskatoon, a city in central Saskatchewan, Canada, took an empty city bus on a joy ride Saturday after finding the vehicle idling on the street. The ride went perfectly, just kidding.

Officials at Canada's apparently infamous Bordeaux jail are reportedly refusing to comment after an inmate posted party pictures from inside his jail cell this week.

Two passengers who had allegedly consumed a "significant quantity" of alcohol caused a Sunwing flight from Toronto to Cuba to return to the airport under a military escort after they smoked in the bathroom, tripped a fire alarm, got into a fight, and made a "threat against the aircraft."

A robot made of the kinds of things one finds in the back of their garden shed is hitchhiking across Canada. HitchBOT was created by researchers David Smith and Frauke Zeller who are studying the relationship between people and technology. The bucket-bodied creature is set to reach is final destination Sunday in Victoria, British Columbia.

The homeless have it hard lately, what with all the anti-homeless measures municipalities have implemented to keep them off benches and sculptures and sidewalks. Except in Vancouver, where one charity is building "pop-up" shelters that invite the weary in.

Hey, remember those inmates who fled a Canadian jail via helicopter? After over two weeks, they've been found and now they're back at the same jail. Until next time.

A Canadian woman who parked her car in the left lane of a highway to help ducks by the side of the road has been charged with two counts of criminal negligence and dangerous driving causing death after a motorist crashed into her car, resulting in the death of the driver and his 16-year-old daughter.

"Let me first assure you: We do not have a plan on the shelf for the invasion of Canada," the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff told a Senate panel yesterday.

In 2011, an anonymous Canadian man fractured his penis while having sex with his wife. As if that indignity wasn't enough, surgery to correct the injury allegedly left him with a dick that was "about an inch" shorter than before.

Canadian citizenship never befitted Ted Cruz, a man who's made it his mission to put the 'merica back in America since his election to the Senate last year.

Around 8 p.m. last night, three inmates at the Orsainville Detention Centre outside of Quebec City fled the jail as they were whisked away by a green helicopter that had touched down on the property. This counts as the second time this kind of escape has happened in Canada in only two years.

Early Friday morning, police arrested 24-year-old Justin Bourque, the man accused of killing three police officers and wounding two others in New Brunswick, Canada earlier this week. His arrest came after a 30-hour lockdown of the Moncton neighborhood where the shooting occurred Wednesday evening.

Three Royal Canadian Mounted Police officers were killed and two more were wounded during a shooting Wednesday evening in Moncton, New Brunswick. The gunman, identified by authorities as 24-year-old Justin Bourque, remains at large.

A woman who dressed up like a nurse and stole a 16-hour-old baby from a hospital yesterday was arrested after a group of Canadian youths tracked her down.

Every cliché about Canada came to pass Monday when a northern Ontario man rescued a newborn moose calf, still damp and unsteady on its legs, and took it directly to a Tim Hortons.

Over the past 30 years, more than 1,200 indigenous women have disappeared in Canada. The aboriginal community estimates that some 43 of them have been plucked off what is known as the Highway of Tears, a 500-mile stretch of road that runs through the wilds of British Columbia. It may not sound like a whole lot, but consider 43 families not knowing what happened to their daughters or why. The majority have not even had their losses acknowledged by the police, who only count 18 missing.