· Clive Owen is finalizing the details to star in Shoot-Em-Up for New Line, an "ultraviolent" flick with scenes that include "a shootout during a sex scene and another in the midst of a freefall." We don't want to fall prey to the hype machine, but this may turn out to be the greatest movie ever made. [Variety]
· Director James Cameron seems torn about which 3D project to pay attention to, reportedly moving his focus from next announced project Battle Angel to mysterious, "parallel" Project 880. Also, it's been a long time, so refresh our memory—is Cameron the Titanic guy or the Cutthroat Island guy? [THR]
· Arrested Development creator Mitch Hurwitz chooses a showrunning deal for future AD seasons over a potentially more lucrative development deal, opting to be yanked around on a single, continuing project instead of a bunch of new ones. [Variety]
· Despite news specials exploring yesterday's Jackson-related Armageddon, Fox's Hell's Kitchen still pulls good ratings. [THR]
· War of the Worlds is premiering all over the world, where canny translators provided by the studio may be able to mitigate some of the damage Cruise may do on international red carpets. [Variety]

· Mr. and Mrs. Smith brings in $32 million in foreign box office, raising its weekend take to $83 million. Fox distribution head Bruce Snyder shows a flair for understatement concerning Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's tabloid ubiquity: "It certainly didn't hurt." [Variety]
· The Supreme Court lets stand a lower-court ruling that prevents multimedia conglomerates from gobbling up too many media outlets in a single market, temporarily putting off further media consolidation until someone can buy off a couple of Justices. [THR]
· Fox coincidentally fast-tracks the reality show Skating with Celebrities, which bears absolutely no similarity to the uncoordinated-celebrities-humiliating-themselves ABC hit series Dancing with the Stars. [Variety]
· Tobey Maguire is in negotiations to star in and produce the romantic comedy Quiet Type for New Line, the story of "an unassuming mute from a small town who moves to New York to pursue his dreams of conducting an orchestra." Also, the mute may or may not have a weight problem, depending on whether or not Maguire feels like working out prior to production. [THR]
· The Weinsteins continue to stay too busy to name their new company, but will distribute the puntastically titled Bruce Willis gangster thriller Lucky Number Slevin. [Variety]

· Weinstein acquisition mania: Bob and Harvey pick up the family fantasy pitch The Impossible Adventures of Phineas Roone as a possible franchise for their new house of pain. [Variety]
· Why is the press beating up on Tom Cruise? Because sister/publicist Lee Anne DeVette doesn't inspire the same kind of "I'll rip off your head, defecate down the resulting cervical cavity, then cut off access to my other stars" terror that Pat Kingsley once did. [THR]
· Insert joke about the cruel abuse of your inferiors: Scott Rudin will produce an adaptation of the fraternity hazing memoir Goat. [Variety]
· Paramount hires Coach Carter director Thomas Carter for more sports-related work, a feature about arrested Vanderbilt football recruit Marcus Dixon's life titled, um, Marcus Dixon. [THR]
· Hugh Jackman's Seed productions gets a first-look deal at 20th Century Fox, but obviously lacked the clout to stop Fox from hiring Brett Ratner to ruin his Wolverine meal ticket. [Variety]

Various outlets are reporting today (though SorryIGotDrunk had a little info on it last night—God bless the internet news cycle) that Fox and Universal are going halfsies on a Microsoft bastard, teaming up to buy Halo (reportedly for half of the original $10 million upfront price, plus other concessions). In case you've suffered blunt head trauma and are having recall problems, you'll remember that CAA, Microsoft's pimp of choice, dispatched an army of green-armored men (or "Master Chiefs") to deliver the script to studios, most of which promptly passed.

· SAG/AFTRA resolve their dispute with video game producers without striking, negotiating a 36% percent increase in base payment. But the video game industry gets more like Hollywood studios every day, escaping without paying residuals. [Variety]
· Finally, proof that Steve Seagal is still alive: A production company attempts to sue the actor back to the Hard to Kill Age for delaying filming on two movies by arriving late, bringing a disruptive entourage, and rewriting the scripts on set. The lawsuit does not attempt to penalize Seagal for lacking acting skill, however. [THR]
· Barry Diller will sell his sake in Universal for $3.4 billion, handing NBC Universal full control, and prompting Viacom co-president Les Moonves to issue a press release assuring the industry that while Viacom had nothing to do with the transaction, Jeff Zucker "will continue to be my bitch for the foreseeable future." [Variety]
· Inexplicably large numbers of viewers tune in to watch celebrities dancing on ABC. [THR]
· Focus Features exec Glen Basner signs on for an extedned period of pain and humiliation at the hands of the Weinstein brothers. [Variety]

· Skeletal executive presence Sumner Redstone remains "personally committed" to splitting up Viacom and to installing his daughter Shari as vice-chair and continuing the family dynasty. [Variety]
· Apparently not bothered by the piles of bone dust that have accumulated in the host chair, Bob Costas accepts a spot as Larry King's permanent sub. [THR]
· Brad Grey approves M:I 3 for production, immediately calls studio services to have Tom Cruises's signature footprints of joy removed from the couch in his office. .[Variety]
· Soon-to-be Disney CEO Bob Iger promises not to neglect the new-media stepchildren, realizing that the shaft of their "traditional businesses" gets enough attention as it is. [THR]
· Universal picks Justin "Better Luck Tomorrow" Lin to direct the Diesel-less, Tyrese-starved 3 Fast 3 Furiouser. [Variety]

We'd like to belatedly celebrate the highly unexpected (but satisfying) third-season pick-up of Arrested Development by alerting you to the latest round of Fox's Studio Store auctions, in which clothes worn by, purchased for, or possibly gazed upon, sort of, by stars in the network's stable are offered up to the highest bidder. How better to commemorate AD's rise from the dead than to purchase (at a heavy discount!) a shirt "worn" by everyone's favorite mustachioed, Blue Man Group understudy fop, Tobias Fünke?

· Universal hopes that the soft-opening Cinderella Man will be more Seabiscuit than Terminal. It seems that while Brian Grazer has the ability to make audiences laugh and cry, he can't singlehandedly guarantee a movie will open big. [Variety]
· Sony pushes back the Pink Panther release from August 5 to February 10, claiming that they want more time to promote it in the wake of their MGM acquisition. As with any official word from a studio, we should all accept this explanation at face value and not make any assumptions about the quality of the movie. [THR]
· Variety has more details about yesterday's Halo shenanigans, which you probably stopped caring about once the big green soldier showed up in your office. [Variety]
· A new study reveals that G-rated films make more money than R-rated films, prompting every studio in town to commission new studies that will conclude that graphic violence and partial nudity cures cancer. [THR]
· Nic Cage and Will Smith will both produce and star int he family comedy Time Share for Columbia, which is about exactly what you think a movie called Time Share would be about. Sample dialogue: "But how can both of us, a quirky white guy and a lovable black guy, have been booked for this time share at the same time? Wackiness is certain to ensue!" [Variety]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas XXVLIII: Ben Stiller will star in a DreamWorks feature remake of British TV show The Persuaders. [Variety]

· More proof that God hates nerds: After an exhaustive search determined that every other director in Hollywood has mysteriously been turned to dust, Fox names Brett Ratner to ruin take over X3. [H'wood incest alert: Bryan Singer ditched X3 to direct the new Superman movie, to which Ratner was previously attached.] [Variety]
· Doubt, Spamalot win a bunch of Tonys. Somewhere, a midlevel development executive pitches the idea of adapting Spamalot into a movie. [THR]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas, part XXVI: Kurt Russell, Richard Dreyfuss, and Emmy Rossum join cast of Wolfgang Peterson's Poseidon Adventure remake for Warner Brothers. We suppose it's still too soon for a Titanic remake, so this will have to do. [Variety]
· Do they even count the Nielsens in the summer? A new Family Guy helps Fox to tie ABC (Housewives is in reruns) in the key demo. [THR]
· Oscar nominated Hotel Rwanda writer Keir Pearson gets out of genocide-writing jail, will pen the story of an Al-Qaeda-trained CIA informant for Paramount. [Variety]

· CBS Network sales president Jo Ann Ross on their upfront advertising riches: "We are happy with the share-shift we are getting from NBC." Somewhere, Les Moonves is laughing his ass off, as "share-shift" is his secret code for "Jeff Zucker is my bitch." [Variety]
· Fox gives American Dad an additional 13 episode order, allowing the network to trick viewers into thinking they're watching The Family Guy until 2007. [THR]
· Everything old is new again, but not as good: New Line and Benderspink are producing an updated Mr. Mom called, hilariously, Stay at Home Tom. [Variety]
· Desperate Housewives, Lost, Veronica Mars, House, and Rescue Me are all up for best new program at the TCA's, while Who's Your Daddy? is criminally overlooked. [THR]
· Emmy-winning Arrested Development directors Joe and Anthony Russo sign on for the Universal comedy You, Me and Dupree, starring Owen "The Butterscotch Stallion" Wilson. Run free, you magnificent steed! [Variety]

DreamWorks Animation has taken the next, crucial step to position itself as the new Disney, inspiring its first shareholder lawsuit for "misrepresenting DVD sales of Shrek 2":

According to the LA Business Journal (via The Malibu Times), with a net worth of $4.3 billion, entertainment mogul/public beach gatekeeper David Geffen is the richest man in Malibu. Huzzah! Unfortunately, the announcement was tinged with sadness, as the congratulatory parade of rent-boys sent to Geffen by the Malibu Chamber of Commerce was tragically gunned down by an overzealous zealous member of the Gay Mafia don's security detail for marching too close to Geffen's compound without authorization. (Really, they should've called ahead.) If Geffen plans on wearing the "Malibu's Richest Man" sash the parade was attempting to deliver, he's going to have to send it out to the dry cleaner. Those blood stains are a bitch to get out.

· In an attempt to level the playing field with TNT and USA, AMC coughs up $80 million in licensing fees for 22 Warner Bros. movies (including Batman Begins, Million Dollar Baby, and The Last Samurai). Warner Bros. also receives "prima nocte" privileges with the brides of selected AMC execs, who described the unusual provision as "totally worth it for the rights to air Terminator 3 on cable." [Variety]
· Les Moonves assures CBS affiliates that a much-discussed Viacom split will be beneficial to the network. When his assurances were initially met with a skeptical silence, Moonves then added, "And no matter what happens on the corporate level, Jeff Zucker will continue to be my bitch." The crowd then exploded into a joyful hymn as Moonves stoked their passions with ten minutes of pantomimed Zucker-buggery. [THR]
· The Agent Dance, "We Can't Make Ourselves Care" Edition: Former William Morris network TV head Greg Lipstone shuffles over to ICM as a senior VP. [Variety]
· CBS picks up the Julia Louis-Dreyfus project Old Christine for midseason, when the dreaded Curse of Seinfeld will kick in, causing near-immediate cancellation despite everyone's professed love for Dreyfus' talent. [Variety]

A tipster on the Paramount lot writes in to tell us that Mission: Impossible 3 seems somewhat less ripe for cancellation than the recent item on the Huffington Post indicated:

· Hillary Clinton is in town to rifle through the pockets of the entertainment industry for campaign donations. Obligingly, there's an opportunity for people of every tax bracket to hobnob and give away money:
$1,000 gets you a chance to dirty the furniture at Warner Bros. COO Alan Horn's house, while a budget-minded $125 cover gets you past the velvet rope at Roland Emmerich's pad (co-hosted by Scarlett Johansson, Jake Gyllenhaal, Xtina, and famed Dem booster Lindsay Lohan). [Variety]
· No-name director Matthew "Who? Oh, I saw the preview for Layer Cake, looks kind of bad" Vaughn leaves Fox's X-Men 3. Desperate to start shooting, Fox is looking to sign up a "promising young helmer" from USC who's made a "kick-ass slideshow" in iPhoto. [THR]
· A $61 million opening for Madagascar isn't enough to keep DreamWorks Animation's stock from dropping 9 percent. Who on Wall Street does studio boss Jeffrey Katzenberg have to climb up on a milk crate and blow to get some respect? [Variety]
· ABC makes $2.7 billion in upfront advertising deals, Teri Hatcher's publicist to immediately start referencing her client's "Billion Dollar Rack." [THR]
· The Farrelly Brothers, the guys responsible for inspiring nearly a decade of splooge jokes in lowbrow comedies, are closing to signing a deal to rewrite and direct a remake of The Heartbreak Kid for DreamWorks. [Variety]

· Return of the Sith continues to dominate overseas box office with a cumulative take of $246 million, largely due to George Lucas' controversial decision to export the movie exclusively in an Aramaic version. [Variety]
· Fans of Joan of Arcadia plead with an uncaring God (i.e., Les Moonves) to reverse the show's cancellation. Moonves bellows with laughter, then smites the Joan boosters' village with a tidal wave. [THR]
· Hot off roles in this weekend's $60 million earners The Longest Yard and Madagascar, Chris Rock announces he'll write, co-produce and star in The Gilmores of Beverly Hills, with buddy Adam Sandler's Happy Madison producing. Nota bene: Rock's last two movies were Head of State and Bad Company. [Variety]
· Does the last Star Wars mark the end of the "superfan"? Star Wars nerds, Trekkies, Deadheads, and Phish fans will soon gather for some chaste consideration of their plight while tripping face in a convention center parking lot. [THR]
· "I don't care what it costs, get me Denzel! Oh, we already had Denzel? Get me Cheadle. At a price." Universal wants Don Cheadle to replace the once-attached Denzel Washington for the starring role in the perpetually troubled American Gangster project. [Variety]

· The Weinsteins will snatch Miramax distribution head Mike Rudnitsky for their new empire when they leave in late September, but in the meantime, they'll help usher nine of their old Miramax and Dimension babies into the world in Auguest and September. [Variety]
· Theaters owners resist billionaire Mark Cuban's "ass-backwards" plans to release films in theaters, home video, and on cable simultaneously, threatening not to show his movies in their venues. In turn, Cuban threatens to destroy their cineplexes with a satellite-mounted death-ray. [THR]
· More sweeps ratings postmortem: ABC, CBS, Fox, and UPN were all up over last year, the WB was down a bit, and NBC...well, we think Jeff Zucker's ratings bitch-hood has been well-established by now. [Variety]
· Carmen Electra continues to get acting work, while thousands of other, equally qualified dancers with fake tits continue to work the pole. [THR]
· We somehow missed this yesterday, but allow us to update the record to reflect that Meathead has dumped William Morris for CAA. [Variety]

· All Hail Adam Sandler, Lord of Television: TBS/TNT and CBS fart out $27 million for the TV rights to The Longest Yard. [Variety]
· The two-hour finales of American Idol and Lost are huge ratings winners, proving that people will stay in and watch TV if you offer compelling content or pander to the nation's text-messaging-addled 15-year-olds. [THR]
· The Weinstein Co. finally reveals its release schedule, including the Tarantino-Rodriguez double-team Grind House, Sin City 2, and at least one effort to demonstrate their commitment to cynical, long-played-out, franchise crap, Scary Movie 4. [Variety]
· Filmmaker Ismail Merchant, still dead. [THR]
· Forced-out former Paramount co-pres Tom Jacobson finally makes peace with the Brad Grey regime, signing a first-look producing deal with the studio. But just so Jacobson remembers who's boss, his office on the lot will consist of a dog-bed in the corner of new president Gail Berman's office. [Variety]

· Michelle "Who?" Monaghan signs on to star in Mission: Impossible 3 as Tom Cruise's love interest. Put on your tinfoil helmets, kids, we're going for a quick ride: Is it just us, or does she look a wee bit like Katie Holmes? (The brunette one in the pics, duh.) [THR]
· Half of the legendary, classy-movie producing duo Merchant & Ivory died suddenly in London today. Hint: It wasn't Ivory. Statements to follow. [THR]
· Sopranos creator David Chase admits to the New Yorker that he might be able to squeeze a seventh season out of his lovable mobsters—and, of course, many more millions out of HBO. [Variety]
· Fox takes the season's ratings title in the 18-49 demo, CBS dominates overall and those watching on the community TV in the nursing home, ABC makes a heroic comeback, and NBC...well, let's just say that Les Moonves has just messengered Jeff Zucker a tape of Deliverance with Zucker's face superimposed on Ned Beatty's squealing mug. [Variety]
· SAG/AFTRA members voting on strike against video game companies, which do not pay "residuals for the use of actors' voices, likeness and performance in video games." Also, they have shitty craft service. [THR]

· Warner Home Video's "godfather of DVD" Warren Lieberfarb sues his former employer, claiming he was "hoodwinked" by the conglomerate into accepting the "magic beans" of worthless stock options from the conglomerate to compensate him for his role in creating the "Wondrous All-Purpose Opti-Platter" that revolutionized home entertainment. [Variety]
· 24 wins the key demo on the last Monday of the season for Fox, while CBS gets its first look at Two and a Half Men's reign of Monday night sitcom terror. [THR]
· Reality television Apocalypse-bringer Endemol girds itself for the day when people will no longer want to watch people gobble various unsavory parts of a horse's reproductive system, adding a scripted television division. [Variety]
· BBC staffers go on strike, halting almost all of the network's news and live programming, and having virtually no repercussions for anyone in the United States. [THR]
· Sylvester Stallone wants Robert Downey Jr. to star in Poe, a movie on the life of Edgar Allen Poe that he's written and plans to direct. Oscar-worthy scene: A montage demonstrates Poe's arduous preparation before penning "The Cask of Amontillado," where the author spent three grueling months in Siberia huffing ether and dragging huge logs behind him. [Variety]