Instead of waking up this morning to the proprietary echoing blip of the iPhone’s default alarm tone, a bunch of iPhone owners awoke this week to find the alarms they set had been turned off. Why? How? What the fuck happened?

This week a surprisingly long list of celebrities—including that kid from Love Actually, that girl from that TV show, and Patricia Clarkson—narrowly escaped a contractual fate worse than death: a movie premiere infested with bed bugs.

Ted Cruz, the Texas Hair Gel Depository, wants to train the full power of the world’s mightiest military on a lil bug.

Listen, I know we’re all excited about seeing The Transporter Refueled and Maze Runner: Scorch Trials (???) this weekend, but we might have to watch that double feature somewhere besides our favorite movie theater in our favorite New York City neighborhood. According to multiple disturbing reports, the Times Square AMC Empire 25 is infested with bugs.

I believe in the power of an almighty God who is both just and terrible in his wrath: America’s least favorite gathering of startup dorks on MDMA is swarming with a plague of nightmarish, biting bugs.

A metropolis of roaches living inside a cat food bag, noticed only when an accidental kick to the bag sent them flooding out. Fearless cockroaches charging toward you in your own bedroom. Bugs in the pillowcase, bugs in the coffee pot, bugs in your ear. Bugs during sex. Stop reading if you want to sleep soundly tonight. These are Gawker reader’s most skin-crawling cockroach encounters.

Hey, what are you afraid of? If it's cockroaches, carry on with your life and don't come back here. This isn't the place for you. SCRAM.

A California hiker was climbing Mount Goddard in northern Kings Canyon National Park alone when he was stranded on the 13,000-foot mountain with a broken leg. He survived by eating melted snow and bugs.

As part of a PR stunt for Ehrlich Pest Control, 13 restaurants, including one in D.C., will become "pestaurants" and serve you dead bugs to eat. The goal, Ehrlich claims, is "to promote the health benefits of an insect rich diet already enjoyed by billions across the globe."

An Orlando man who was pulled out of an apartment fire Sunday night said he had been trying to burn the bugs that infested his home and computer, the Orlando Police Department reported.

Who cares that bunch of bugs are eating northern Texas alive? You do, because they're called hackberry nipple-gall maker insects.

Good morning. Have you eaten yet? Good. Let's talk cockroach farming.

Summer is here, and that means you're probably getting stung by bees. Are you up to date on the very latest medical opinions regarding bee stinger venom delivery? Find out!

Remote-controlled cockroaches are here. Oh yes. Gonna get me some.

A new UN report finds that insects, our six-legged friends, could help solve world hunger — if only we got over ourselves and started eating them.

A couple months ago, NYC-based soup chain Hale and Hearty accidentally sent a coupon calling out "a cunt named Mary" to email subscribers. Now they've been plagued by another problem: locusts! (Or, anyway, some horrifying bug/alien creature that is almost certainly not a locust.)

Have you noticed that sometimes Twitter says you're not following people when you... are? Welcome to the wacky world of the Twitter Unfollow Bug, which has been wreaking havoc on more than half of Twitter's 18 billion users (figures estimated). What can you do about the Twitter Unfollow Bug, if you are the kind of person who cares? (A nerd):

God's righteous anger against America's wanton and sinful adoption of gay marriage and predilection towards consuming Cheez on the Sabbath hath caused him to strike us with plagues like lice, bedbugs, raccoons, and skunks. Still, our licentious nation persists in viewing "PG-13" movies and huffing jenkem. Well now, god has something new for you, Sodomites.

Welcome to my new favorite/least favorite Tumblr, Roach Party: "I'm currently keeping four different roach colonies. Lobsters, Dubias, Hissers, and Turkistans. I do plan on obtaining some other species in the future." Here we have "a hisser giving birth!" Yo, nature is gross. [Roach Party]

Max R. Emma and I want to put up a post making fun of Conde Nast since our site doesn't work for them right now
Max R. and they can't read it
Max R. any shots you guys feel like taking
Emma C. ....get it
Hamilton N. they're ugly.
Adrian C. didn't we just get someting about the cafeteria?
Brian M. Details is gay for GQ
Hamilton N. why don't they lose some weight
Leah B. Conde NASTY. You're welcome. You may all go home now.
Adrian C. #Siren: Reliable source warns of "fennel situation" in @CondeNastCorp cafeteria; exec/ed may be demanding roasted fennel, fennel salad, etc. - @DylanByers via Twitter
Emma C. the Vogue girls are like such bitches and stuff
Adrian C. Why don't you go eat some fennel and cry about it?
Hamilton N. at a party, we heard Anna Wintour say she hates them
Hamilton N. "That's what you're wearing? Hmm."
Hamilton N. they're poor.
Hamilton N. they take the subway to work
Adrian C. New Yorker Articles are pretty boring, sometimes
Emma C. Vanity Fair really needs to get over the Kennedys
Adrian C. Fennel is gross
Brian M. Well, they need to get over old dead ladies in general
Adrian C. Their parent company owns reddit
Brian M. "Remember Portfolio?"
Emma C. hahaha, no, because no one does
Adrian C. eustace tilley is a giant homosexual and everyone knows it
Maureen O. Your elevator is boring again
Maureen O. Teen Vogue has bulimia and will never grow up to be as awesome as her mom.
Emma C. Malcolm Gladwell
Max R. i'm just going to post this campfire chat unless anyone objects
Leah B. Wasn't the terrible mystery pooper a conde nast thing
Ryan T. that guy
Adrian C. who's that
Ryan T. Jesus, basically http://gawker.com/5604391/dude-makes-ipad-apps-just-like-miles-davis-and-jesus-did
Hamilton N. that is will ferrell.