To stave off dementia! Yes, today the befuddled screech owls on Fox & Friends were discussing a study that states that those that stay married fend off Alzheimer's and dementia better than lonely divorcees. Brian Kilmeade took issue with this.

Fox & Friends-apalooza continues. Today the billy goats were chewing their grass and talking about that Bruno movie and the high school controversy. Gretchen was actually cool about it, Doocy was a jerk, and Bri-Bri just thinks he smells bad.

Oh what did the cutest lil' morning newscasters get up to today? Well, we have everyone being awkward with celebrated skincare spokeslady, Vanessa L. Williams. She Botoxes!

So it's been a weird day. Things changing everywhere! But at least some things are constant: the gurgling sea cucumbers at Fox & Friends will never get it. Today's confusion? The case of the cardboard bear. Everyone was perplexed.

We know we've been laying it on a bit thick with the Fox & Friends gang of late, but, eh, what the fuck. OMG, today pseudo-Christy band Creed was on the show! And Kilmeade couldn't stop freaking out about it!

The brain trust at Fox & Friends is often swatting at confusing things, trying in vain to figure them out, and today was no exception. The topic was that thing that's going on in Iran with the votes or whatever.

Remember when "Bruno" fell bare-assed into Eminem's lap at the MTV Movie Awards? Well, the fine folks over at Fox & Friends were so offended by that tasteless skit that they went outside to play football with women in lingerie!

Ever since Bruno rubbed his balls in Eminem's face at the MTV Movie Awards, Fox & Friends has felt scared and alone. Steve Doocy wants to pretend it never happened, Gretchen Carlson can't get over the pantlessness, and Brian Kilmeade just refuses to believe that it was a hoax.

Noted beauty contest loser and porn model Carrie Prejean guest-hosted and Fox & Friends this morning, and she basically dry-humped Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade the whole time. Easy Carrie! Brian and Steve won't get you anywhere. If you want the permanent gig, you're gonna need a loofah.

Fox & Friends anchor Brian Kilmeade says a man stuck on a ski lift with his ass hanging out should "get a Vaseline sponsorship," so he can "slide two fingers in." Plus: "Stimulus."