Yesterday in Rio, a man shot and killed a mugger who tried to rob him while he was stuck in traffic. It would have been a fairly unremarkable story by Rio’s standards except that the victim-turned-killer—a man named Marcos Cesar Feres Braga—told police that he was a Russian diplomat, a tidbit that filtered up into news headlines.

On Wednesday, parts of a mutilated body were discovered by a street vendor on Rio de Janeiro’s Copacabana Beach, “just meters” from the site of a volleyball arena being built for this summer’s Olympic Games, Reuters reports.

In possibly the horniest news story of all time, the New York Times reports today that a 46-year-old French man had sex with his 24-year-old partner seven times in nine days. Each time, they had vaginal sex; each time, he ejaculated in her mouth. Also, he might have given her Zika.

According to a report in the New York Daily News, NBC staffers have joined the growing ranks of people who flat-out refuse to go to Brazil for the summer Olympics games citing the threat of disease.

Following an all-night debate Wednesday, Brazil’s Senate voted 55-22 to suspend leftist President Dilma Rousseff and, citing allegations of corruption, initiated impeachment proceedings against her.

The CDC is “now certain” that sexual transmission of the Zika virus is possible. Since the outbreak, there have been 500 microcephaly cases in Brazil, with 3,900 more suspected cases being investigated. Hey, seems like a good time for the Brazilian government to increase jail time for women who get abortions!

Zika, the mosquito-born virus that shrinks babies’ brains, continues to alarm scientists as they learn more about how it can be transmitted from person to person. Earlier this week, someone in Texas got the virus from sex, and today, a Brazilian government health institute reported that it discovered for the first time the presence of active Zika virus in urine and saliva samples.

For months now, the AP has been valiantly searching for a stretch of Rio water that’s not contaminated by trash, sewage and flesh-eating bacteria and so far—nothing.

With the 2016 Olympics fast approaching in Brazil, a huge stink been made about Rio’s sewage-infested waters, which authorities now admit won’t be cleaned up in time for the games. “Wouldn’t that be nice,” say residents of the Brazilian port of Barcarena, whose beaches are currently covered with thousands of dead, rotting cow carcasses.

Brazil, which I’m sure is a perfectly lovely country, has an overload of naturally occurring resource. That resource, unfortunately, isn’t diamonds or oil—it’s human excrement, which Olympic athletes will have to swim through if they want to win a medal next summer.

Joe Jackson, horrible father and slightly-less-horrible manager to the Jackson 5, has been hospitalized in São Paolo, Brazil, after suffering a stroke, USA Today reports. He was in the country to celebrate his 87th birthday. Michael Jackson, the son whose talent and fortune sustain Joe’s continued existence as a shambling, womanizing wax figure, died in 2009 at age 50.

Despite promises to clean the Rio de Janeiro bay in time for the 2016 Olympics, mayor Eduardo Paes was forced to admit this week that some of the athletes are just going to have to deal with competing in the raw sewage expelled by a large, poorly managed city.

A bus plunged off a cliff in southern Brazil on Saturday, The New York Times reports, killing more than 40 people. The death toll could rise as high as 55, including children, police said.

After 11 months on the run, an American minister accused of molesting girls as young as 12 has been captured in Brazil, NBC News reports. According to authorities, 53-year-old Victor Arden Barnard was arrested in his apartment late Friday near one of the country's white sand beaches.

Look at this guy. His name is Eike Batista, and he used to be rich as hell, but now he's poor as hell due to white collar fraud, which makes it funny. Think you're broke? This guy's way worse: Bloomberg says he's a "negative billionaire," which just, wow.

Sony says the recent breach of its servers and weeklong cyber humiliation is an "unprecedented" strike and an "unparalleled crime." If they're shocked by these events, they've been shocked for almost a year: leaked emails obtained by Gawker show security troubles dating back to February.

Three people—a man, his wife, and the man's mistress—went on trial in Brazil yesterday after they were arrested in 2012 for allegedly killing women and then baking them into pastries they would eat and sell to neighbors.

A 26-year-old man in Goiania, Brazil has confessed to murdering 39 people, including a 14-year-old teenage girl, homeless people, and several transvestites. He told police that he would gun down his targets while cruising his city's streets at night on a motorbike.

A gunman has reportedly taken a guest hostage at the Saint Peter Hotel in Brasilia, Brazil, walking a man with what appears to be explosives strapped to his chest out onto a 13th story balcony.

One of the happiest moments in a Brazilian woman's life quickly turned into one of the worst when she reconnected with her biological mother and discovered she had a brother she had never known about. Unfortunately, she had also been married to him for seven years.