Nuclear Wintour may be blocking SuBo from Vogue—but her motive would be pure. Rachel Uchitel gets a job, Madonna gets a new beau. Is the "oral surgery" delaying Lil' Wayne's incarceration for his grill? Wednesday gossip cometh.

• Alex Rodriguez's plan to bed every woman in Hollywood continues apace. The Yankee and Cameron Diaz are now hooking up, according to OK!, although now that the news is out, he's probably already moved on to someone new. Which is too bad, really, since RodDiaz has a nice ring to it. [OK!]
• Michael Jackson's doctor, Conrad Murray, was charged with involuntary manslaughter yesterday. (He pleaded not guilty and faces up to four years behind bars if convicted.) At the arraignment, prosecutors asked that Murray's medical license be revoked, but a judge turned down the request, so if you've been wondering what it's like to get pumped up with propofol, you still have time. [NYP, TMZ]
• It's been a busy week for Angelina Jolie. Yesterday she and Brad Pitt said they plan to sue Britain's News of the World for reporting that they're planning to divorce. And today she's off to Haiti to meet with earthquake victims, since they've been requesting her help—or so she says. [Us, PE]
• She may have spent every episode of Jersey Shore whining about not having a boyfriend, but Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi seems to have landed the man of her dreams: a "typical guido juicehead with a good personality," who also has waxed eyebrows, double-pierced ears, and a penchant for Ed Hardy. [NYDN]
• Despite recent reports that Donald and Melania Trump are having marriage troubles, The Donald says "all is well." Then again he said the same thing when his casinos were going bankrupt and his real estate holdings were imploding, so you may want to take his denial with a grain of salt. [People]

• Have Madonna and Jesus Luz gone their separate ways? That's what report today indicates, suggesting it was the couple's "overall lack of mutual interests" that caused the split and it was Luz who called things off. [CST]
• Rip Torn appeared in court yesterday and was formally charged with trespassing, burglary, and possessing a firearm following his arrest over the weekend for breaking into a bank because he thought it was his own house. In all fairness, though, Torn was in rural Connecticut and the "bank" is located in a two-story colonial, so this could have been a mistake that anyone could have made, no? Maybe not. Either way, Torn is now headed to rehab upstate. [NYP, NYDN, TMZ]
• Charlize Theron recently split up with her longtime partner, Stuart Townsend, but she may already have a new man in her life: Theron was spotted in LA last week on what appeared to be a date. [P6]
• Haven't the people of Haiti suffered enough? Hot on the heels of John Travolta's trip to the devastated nation to spread Scientology to the masses and now Michael Lohan and Kate Major say they, too, are planning to head to Haiti to "help" quake victims. [Radar]

It was quite a day for female singers. Also either birthing, dying, or marrying today are Martin Bashir, novelist Robert B. Parker, Guy Day, Renee Zellweger, Bradley Cooper, and Top Chef tater tot Sam Talbot. Come find out which!

Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston are all up in our grill again. This must have something to do with those gay rumors. Every famous male gets them at some point, but how can you tell whether or not they're true?

New York Times chairman and publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. doing a little shopping at the Duane Reade on West 72nd Street on Saturday afternoon ... Rachel Weisz walking to a yoga class in SoHo ... Scarlett Johansson leaving her apartment ... Agyness Deyn talking on her cell phone ... Whitney Port arriving at JFK with a friend ... Taylor Momsen shooting scenes for Gossip Girl with Connor Paolo on the Upper East Side ... Denzel Washington arriving at the Late Show with David Letterman ... Mischa Barton on the set of Law & Order: SVU ... Catherine Zeta-Jones leaving her apartment to go shopping ... Ashlee Simpson leaving her apartment ... and Pete Wentz carrying coffee in the East Village.

Alexa Ray Joel moving out of her East Village apartment ... Kelly Cutrone walking with her kids in SoHo ... Rachel Weisz leaving her apartment ... James Gandolfini putting gas in his Vespa before getting caught up in a bit of traffic ... Whitney Port walking with a friend in the West Village ... Mandy Moore leaving a TV studio ... Pete Wentz playing with son Bronx in a park and later carrying him home on his back ... Ke$ha arriving at her hotel ... Bradley Cooper walking and eating downtown ... and Mischa Barton returning to her hotel.

James Gandolfini walking his dog in Tribeca yesterday ... Bradley Cooper running errands in SoHo ... Ringo Starr walking uptown ... Dr. Mehmet Oz leaving Rockefeller Plaza ... George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis dressed up and headed out for the evening ... Kiefer Sutherland posing for pictures outside the Late Show with David Letterman ... Matthew Broderick walking son James to school ... Ke$ha shopping at Sol de Ibiza on Greene Street in SoHo .. Steven Van Zandt walking in Midtown yesterday ... and Catherine Zeta-Jones leaving her apartment building.

Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper loading up an SUV before heading to the airport ... Blake Lively shopping with friends in the meatpacking district ... Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi leaving the studios of WPIX on Friday ... Chris Noth paying a visit to the Museum of Natural History ... Annie Potts leaving the Jacobs Theatre after a performance of God of Carnage ... actor Zachary Levi arriving for an appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman ... and Leighton Meester standing on the set of Gossip Girl.

Madonna and Sean Penn having laff riots, reminding us of Gossip's Glory Days. Jay-Z and Jonathan Safran Foer meat in the middle. Snooki's Fist Pump fees. Kate Gosselin's new 'do/Jon Gosselin's new "do." Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Before Bradley Cooper solidified his status as a comedic heartthrob in The Hangover, he sporadically hosted Globe Trekker, the show that has non-experts travel to unexpected locales. Here is his most memorable trip, to a Croatian nude beach.

As expected, the new iteration of The A-Team looks to be an uninspired collection of boys playing with their guns and bad jokes. The highlight: a tank parachutes out of an exploding plane. Also Bradley Cooper's abs. Yowza!

Actor Bradley Cooper turns 35 today. January Jones of Mad Men is turning 32. Charlie Rose is 68. Diane Keaton is turning 64. Actor Robert Duvall is 79. Publishing heiress Amanda Hearst is 26. Marilyn Manson is turning 41. Former Vice President Walter Mondale is 82. Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell turns 66 today. King Carlos of Spain is turning 72. Fashion reporter Steven Cojocaru is 45. Carrie Ann Inaba, the judge from Dancing with the Stars, is turning 42. The Hills' Kristin Cavallari is 23. And former Love Boat actor Ted Lange celebrates his 62nd birthday today.

• Robert "Joe" Halderman, David Letterman's alleged extortionist, may be close to taking a plea deal. Halderman has reportedly offered to accept a one-year prison sentence in exchange for pleading guilty, although his lawyer is denying it, and any deal probably won't be finalized until incoming Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance Jr. takes office in January. [NYP]
• Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller say they're heading to counseling following Friday's arrest of Sheen on domestic violence charges. (He allegedly threatened Mueller with a knife and told her he was going to kill her.) Sheen, who was released on bond on Christmas night, also says he plans to enroll in "anger management counseling," since he's hoping to keep the marriage together. Rest assured, though, that somewhere Denise Richards is screaming, "I told you so!" [TMZ, NYDN]
• Ivana Trump was booted off a flight from Palm Beach to New York over the weekend after she cursed out a group of rowdy kids on the plane and then lashed out at several flight attendants. [P6, MSNBC]

• Remember last week when Lindsay Lohan announced that she'd "saved" a bunch of kids in India from becoming victims of child trafficking? Yea, well, it seems she wasn't even in the country yet when that happened, at least according to according to a leading social activist in New Delhi, who has since filed a complaint with the BBC, which was filming Lohan's efforts for a documentary. In any event, LiLo must be totally, like, spent from saving the world: She returned to the U.S over the weekend after spending less than a week there. [Telegraph, People]
• In other LiLo news, the Lohan family website is now selling some of her secondhand clothes. If you'd like to buy Lindsay's hideous wardrobe from back in her Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen days, you're in luck. [P6]
• The New York Post has added an esteemed new columnist to its roster! Ashley Dupre is the paper's new love, sex, and relationship columnist. In her first column, Dupre answers questions about a rebellious teen, how to tell if one's husband is unhappy, whether or not to share your "number," and also offers up some Christmas gift ideas. There's even a video to go with it in which Dupre is dressed up like a naughty schoolgirl. [NYP]

• Renee Zellweger is going to be spending the holidays with Bradley Cooper's family in Philadelphia. Meanwhile, Bradley Cooper's ex-wife, Jennifer Esposito, is now engaged to Australian tennis player Mark Philippoussis. So everyone's happy, right? Well, except for Jennifer Aniston, that is. [NYDN, People]
• Speaking of happy couples, now that they've supposedly inked their pre-nup, Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom went out and inked themselves with each other's initials, too. Marriage after just a couple months, now matching tattoos... what could possibly go wrong? [People]
• Madonna planted a tree to kick off construction of her new girls' school in Malawi. She wore heels. And she looked awkward. [AP]
• At Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner's wedding on Sunday, guests were given a gift bag containing a book in Hebrew and flip-flops with a tag that read "Ivanka and Jared—what a pair." Of course, that's a step up from the wedding invitations which contained a promotional flyer for one of Donald Trump's golf courses. [NYP]

• One of Jay-Z's bodyguards was arrested in Croatia yesterday after he got into a scuffle with a local TV reporter armed with a tripod. Video of the encounter is here. [TMZ]
• Heidi Pratt is scheduled to perform at the Miss Universe Pageant this weekend; not surprisingly, she and husband Spencer Pratt haven't exactly been making things easy for organizers of the event. [P6]
• Is it over between Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper? The two didn't attend the party for Zellweger's new movie together and, well, we all know what that means, don't we? [P6]
• Rudy Giuliani wandered into Blue & Cream in East Hampton the other day because he thought the clothing boutique was an ice cream shop. [P6]

Doug and Paris rekindle their tainted love, Sienna Miller falls for the "Slinky Wizard," Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper play grab-ass, Justin Timberlake buys a house in Greenwich, Paula Abdul might head to ABC and Russell Brand seeks new love.

• Kate Hudson is dying to have A-Rod's baby, reports In Touch: "(Hudson) just turned 30 and she's ready to have her second child," an "insider" tells the magazine. "She brought up the idea to Alex and told him that they would make a beautiful baby together, and that she would assume all financial responsibility." Sounds like a great deal, clearly. [MSNBC]
• Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper are no longer trying to hide their relationship. To make the point crystal clear, Bradley placed a "reassuring hand on her behind" for paparazzi photographers in Barcelona. [DM]
• Michael Douglas' son, Cameron Douglas, was busted on drug charges a week ago. Now his girlfriend has been arrested, too. Kelly Sott was nabbed after she tried to smuggle heroin to him in an electric toothbrush. Whoops. [People]

Nude photos of Ashley Greene hit the net, Oprah eats Manhattan, Lilo and Samro get back together, Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper vacation in Spain together, Leighton Meester and Sebastian Stan are in love and Kate Moss is aging rapidly.