Hell awaits. [Boston.com] [Video homage: Kate Bennert]

One Boston politician is promoting new legislation that would call on parking attendants to keep drunk drivers off the roads.

The Fox News station in Boston kicked off their newscast last night with this investigation, about a local English teacher and crew coach who made several gay porn movies recently. He's now on paid leave and will probably lose his job. What do we think of all this?

The renters of New York City are no stranger to tiny, cramped, barely-livable apartments, but even a Big Apple native might be surprised at the size of this Upper West Side rental.

"Gott kvöld and good evening. We are now making our final descent into Boston Logan International Airport. Please put your tray tables up, return your seats to the upright position, and could the passenger who took $300 out of Chief Purser Dagbjört's purse please return it? Once again, thank you for choosing Icelandair for all your mile-high pickpocketing needs."

Updated. Three hundred protesters marched through Cambridge, Massachusetts last night. Their goal: Occupying Harvard Yard. Arriving at the edge of campus, the protesters found the University's gates locked and guarded by a phalanx of campus police. Boston's CBS affiliate reports:

Much-anticipated Wahlberg brother burger shop Wahlburgers is now open for business. Specialties include Wahlburgers for grownups, Smahlburgers for kids, and Stray Dogs for people who want to make hotdog penis jokes.

Two zebras escaped from their exhibit at the Franklin Park Zoo in Boston on Saturday, forcing the evacuation of the zoo and briefly sending the city into paroxysms of fear until zookeepers managed to return one to its enclosure and "confine" the other to a "non-public area."

Ranting Weiner fetishist and far-right blog mogul Andrew Breitbart is so tired of "vicious" Twitter leftists and liberals calling him gay—which they do for no reason—that sometimes, during "unclear moments" of addled thinking and high emotions, he thinks about how cool it would be if America had another civil war. Then he might finally fulfill his promise of taking down America's Left, and also end his own victimization. "Major-named" people in the military has his back on this!

Beefcake brothers create beef cake cafe! Hotties to hawk hamburgers in Hingham. Mark and Donnie Wahlberg recently secured the trademarked name Wahlburgers, which is what they plan to call their 4300-square-foot restaurant in Boston's Hingham Shipyard, where they already have an Italian restaurant called Alma Nove. Well done. [Boston Herald, Wahlberg brothers at a Lakers game via Splash]

It's been at least a few seconds since we last checked in on Sarah Palin's Tour de Grift, which stopped yesterday in Olde Boston Towne. Her bus visited such historical sights as Paul Revere's old shack, where Palin explained the colonist's famous "midnight ride" before the 1775 battles at Lexington and Concord.

Can people stop freaking out on airplanes? Yet another passenger tried to open the cabin door mid-flight on Tuesday night, the fourth weird plane incident this week. (Fifth, if you count the Australian plane that got hit by lightning.)

From Good Will Hunting to The Departed to The Fighter, the Oscars can't stop giving love to the City on the Hill. This parody trailer summing up the award-winning Boston film genre is wicked perfect.

A lady in Boston listed her cat on her Census form, and now the cat has been summoned for jury duty.

How much do you think Al Roker hates his co-hosts during this broadcast? He's stuck in Boston during a storm that's still going strong. When he goes live, Natalie and Matt can't stop giggling about the bells in the background.

A lady named Melissa was wearing her pet boa constrictor, Penelope, around her neck like a scarf on the Boston metro's Red Line yesterday, when suddenly, "I couldn't find her anywhere." Then she posted a "lost pet" notice on Craigslist.

The fearsome news Voltron that is the Daily News Beastweek has compiled a list of the 40 Drunkest Cities in the US, using the average number of drinks consumed per person in a month. So how did your city fare?

The cargo area of Boston's Logan Airport has been evacuated pending the investigation of a "suspicious item."

Where did Hunter S. Thompson get the word "gonzo?" The accepted story's always been that it was a bit of Boston slang that a Boston newspaper editor first hung on Thompson. But—suck it Boston—that may be a myth!

Poor Ferris has finally snapped and taken to a life of crime. Also today: A show starring a beloved actress is canceled, another show will feature a non-beloved non-actress, and we fantasize about yet another TV show.