Police in Bridgeport, Connecticut have arrested 29-year-old Juliette Dunn after she was seen making her 4-year-old son chug a 40-ounce of Steel Reserve at a playground. Witnesses said that she called her son an alcoholic afterward. Oh, and her 10-month-old baby girl tested positive for cocaine.

Did you know beer wasn't officially classified as alcoholic in Russia until yesterday? The country's president, Dmitry Medvedev, just signed a bill to make it so. Apparently, until now, any beverage with less than 10% alcohol was considered a "foodstuff."

Look to your left. Look to your right. Both of those people are in jail. And so are you, because of something you did while drunk. This is because so many people are binge drinking now, I bet.

Our nation's fast food outlets are all in that "teenage phase" right now, in which they all try to "find themselves" by trying on various new identities. Denny's is a "diner. Panera is a hippie haven. Everywhere else is now a "cafe." The only thing that our nation's fast food outlets can all agree on: they need more drunk people on their premises.

Doctors at a hospital in Australia wrote a letter to the editor of The Medical Journal of Australia that describes a scary new trend ravaging their country: People getting fucked up on hand sanitizer (four instances makes it a trend, right?). But one recent patient, who was being treated for epigastric pain due to excessive drinking, took it to another level:

Freedom fries and foreign beer for everyone: in 2010—for the first time ever, according to some dubious industry association that may or may not be trustworthy—the USA consumed more wine than the hated French. Sure, big party.

A Justice League of seventeen state attorneys general has formed to conquer a new supervillain in our midst: Snoop Dogg-endorsed malt energy drink, Blast.

It's prom season! That means it's time for news stories fretting over how wasted kids will get on prom night, before getting behind the wheel of a car, to wreck it, while being fellated, by your daughter, who was drunk.

What's dumber than a gun show? A gun show that allows people to bring their own weapons. Especially when someone decides they're going to bring a .45 caliber handgun after they've been drinking, load said handgun, and then accidentally shoot an old man and a teenager. According to the AP, 30-year-old Joshua Wilkinson went to the Tri-State Gun and Knife Show on Saturday in Evansville, Indiana, where:

Absolutely brilliant, subtle work here (click to enlarge) by Brazilian ad agency Agencia 3 for Cachaça Magnífica liquor. Think your son might be a gay? You'll need some of our booze! I'd probably be more driven to drink if I woke up as an ad executive, but to each their own. [via Copyranter]

Hoboken, New Jersey gets notoriously rowdy during its annual St. Patrick's Day parade, and last weekend was no different. The city basically became a giant frat party: There was excessive drinking, puking, fighting, 34 arrests, and reports of sexual assaults. From the Times:

Here's a local news interview featuring Tommy, a Hazelton, Pennsylvania resident whose house had just burned down. That's sad! Tommy's insane—and I mean insane, child—level of drunkenness, however? Well, that's just plain hilarious. "I'm gonna get racial!"

Everyone's favorite daytime lushes toast to "Boozeday Tuesday" with a gigantic margarita. But don't worry, they won't be drinking the whole thing - think of all those calories!

This Jim Beam meets high fashion, too hot for television commercial is sure to give the Old Spice guy a run for his money.

Never heard of Fockink? Here's a hint, it's pronounced exactly how you're hoping it is. Watch this commercial and join in a round of "Gin, Gin, Gin! Fockink!" The jingle is sure to become your new Saturday night anthem.

The journal Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research concludes in a new study that eight percent of sports fans get legally drunk at games, and pre-game tailgating is the biggest contributing factor. No shit. Really? Who pays for these studies?

A Latin American booze distributor now sells "dram in a can," 12 ounces of whiskey in one vessel. That's eight shots, so they're marketing it as "the perfect size to be shared between three people." Scottish whiskey makers are outraged.

Two men arrested for drunkenly riding a horse and a mule in downtown Austin, Texas, won't be charged with DWI.

In this trailer for Jerkoff 3D, fratboy hero Tucker Max hits a bar in Anchorage, Alaska for some good old fashioned white dude raging. He also pays another man $200 so he can spray his butthole with bear mace.

An open prison in Britain went up in flames this morning when inmates rioted over attempts to make them submit to breathalyzer tests. One officer described the lead-up to the riot as "a scene out of Benny Hill."