In a development that will probably surprise no one save the Hugh Jackman producing partner who counseled the star, "You know what we be an inspired career move, Hugh? Let's get you into a TV project with casinos. But not Vegas—someone's done that already, I think? Oh, also? There should be SINGING! And a murrrrder!," the debut of CBS's conceptually adventurous Viva Laughlin bombed so badly that network corporate overlord Les Moonves may order the execution of everyone involved after its next airing. Reports TV Week on the Nielsen carnage:

With news that a Berkeley watchdog group has discovered an abandoned Pentagon plan to develop a "hormone bomb" that would turn enemy soldiers into lusty, same-sex-craving flesh addicts, producers—whose antennae are always attuned to a juicy, plucked-from-the-headlines story—instantly went into a Gay Bomb movie pitching frenzy. Studio executives were soon inundated with varying takes on the basic Manhattan Project-meets-The Birdcage premise. ("Ours is a musical!" "Ours is from the Gay Bomb's point of view!" "Ours dares to keep the cameras trained upon steamy displays of insurgent-on-insurgent action!") Ultimately, it was the little-known indie team who envisioned a Dr. Strangelove update, featuring Jake Gyllenhaal in full cowboy regalia bareback riding the Gay Bomb out the bay doors of a mirror-tiled B-52, that won Hollywood over for its bold, fabulous vision.

Reports are pouring in about a bomb scare stopping traffic over on Wilshire Blvd, close to the headquarters of SAG and across the street from Variety and E! [Ed.note—Has anyone checked to make sure that Seacrest is safe?] A sampling of our nearby operatives' descriptions of the situation apparently created off by a mysterious briefcase left in front of Organic to Go: