Wearing clothes is mostly good. Being yourself, also good. Our official position is: Wear what you like. Unless what you like is memecore thermals adorned with enhanced images of Big Macs and sold to you by the McDonald's corporation. McDonald's is going into fashion, and it's bad.

Ohio police responding to reports of a drunken driver who nearly swiped a pedestrian had to chase the man for a few minutes from a McDonalds drive through because he wanted to buy enough time to eat his Big Mac.

Lord knows everyone's had some troublesome times in their lives. Maybe you didn't even realize you were pregnant until cramps started up again, the hollow, throbbing ache that left you so doubled over it was all you could do to crawl on your hands and knees to the cool tiles of the bathroom floor and rest your forehead against the porcelain lip of the tub, and that's when you noticed your thighs were wet. Maybe you wandered much further from the campsite than you intended, searching for a better vantage point to watch that thunderstorm roll across the basin, and as soon as you saw the meticulously tended fire and the horrible hunk of charred meat in it, the half-full water bottle you'd just passed made sense and you realized the coppery smell carried on the wind wasn't "ozone" but blood. One time Jennifer Aniston ate a Big Mac.

Today we told you about the man who just ate his 25,000th Big Mac. That's 50,000 all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, and cheese on 75,000 sesame seed buns! One commenter asked why not changing is considered such a big accomplishment. Isn't this a bad thing?

Congratulations are in order for Don Gorske, 57, America's saddest man, who earned his very own story in his hometown Fond du Lac (Wis.) Reporter yesterday, on the eve of his consumption of his 25,000th Big Mac sandwich.