Bernie Madoff's boat is up for sale. The 90-foot yacht, which is named "Bull" and was constructed in 2007, has been docked in Antibes, France ever since Madoff's assets were frozen. But now the administrators overseeing the liquidation of Madoff's investment firm have approved its sale. A British firm has the official listing posted online. Unfortunately, it doesn't indicate if the yacht comes with the bikini-clad babe sitting on the deck. But you could always try asking! [Telegraph]

Andrés Piedrahita may have canceled his summer cruise down the Dalmatian coast aboard his $22 million yacht, but other members of the family are still getting outside for some fun in the sun. A source tells us—and we've since confirmed—that Walter Noel, the founder of the Fairfield Greenwich Group, Piedrahita's father-in-law, and the man who "lost" $7 billion of his investors' money to Bernie Madoff's epic scam, is golfing once again. After taking a year-long hiatus, Noel returned to the Sebonack Golf Club in Southampton last week for the first time since August 2008. And he's been back two times since then. It's hard to blame him. Once he's indicted this fall, he probably won't have much time to practice his swing, now will he? You'll find Noel's score history—which indicates his golf game hasn't suffered much since he hit the links last summer—below.

Yes, we know Bernie "Winky Dink" Madoff had a small penis, thanks to author/ lovah Sheryl Weinstein—but do we know enough about his penis' circumference and performance? Now we do.

The Daily News haunted us all yesterday with info about Bernie Madoff's package, details contained in Sheryl Weinstein's new book about her lengthy affair with the convicted fraudster. If what the News printed wasn't quite enough for you and only left you wanting more, Bloomberg delivers with even more specifics today, including the revelation that "not only was it on the short side," but "it was small in circumference," too. If you give it a read, be aware that you may need to shower when you're done. [Bloomberg]

Sheryl Weinstein was pretty broken up when she lost millions to Bernie Madoff, who was also her secret lovahhhhhh. But now she's telling the world all the sexy details of Bernie sexy time, in a book, for satisfaction, and riches.

Leighton Meester acts obnoxiously in a fancy Hamptons restaurant, Bernie Madoff boned his secretaries, Shania Twain is an Idol judge, NeNe was a stripper, Erin Andrews gets dirty for GQ, Madonna turns 51, and Sean Penn's marriage is officially over.

Who should feel more embarrassed about the story on the front page of the Daily News today? Bernie Madoff, who will have to go through life knowing that not only do people despise him for carrying out the biggest fraud in history, they all now know he has a small penis, too? Or Sheryl Weinstein, the author of the new tell-all, who squeezes in the fact that he "was not well-endowed," but says sex with him left her "on fire" nonetheless, and he was a pretty good kisser to boot? Maybe it's Weinstein's husband, Ronald, who lost all his money to Madoff and now gets to spend his penniless golden years with the woman who will be forever known as the one who dished about the size of Madoff's member? It's hard to say, isn't it? [NYDN]

More Madoff-related indictments may be on the way, reports Lucinda Franks, who's been covering the case for The Daily Beast (and who happens to be the wife of Manhattan District Attorney Bob Morgenthau). Prosecutors, she says, "are poised to make multiple indictments in the weeks after Labor Day," and "investigators have compiled additional evidence against members of Bernie Madoff's family, specifically his brother Peter Madoff, and his sons Andrew and Mark Madoff." So perhaps the Madoff boys won't get off after all. But it's awfully thoughtful of prosecutors to wait until after Labor Day to bring down an indictment, so the boys can enjoy the rest of their summer vacation, isn't it? [TDB]

As if it wasn't bad enough that Bernie Madoff investors were handing over their money to a con artist to manage, it seems they were also putting their trust in a drug-addicted gun freak, too. When Bernie Madoff's right-hand man Frank DiPascali pleaded guilty earlier this week to charges he helped engineer the $65 billion scheme and he agreed to cooperate with prosecutors, the deal also guaranteed DiPascali that the feds wouldn't come after him for the "use of controlled substances prior to 1992" and "for possessing illegal firearms up until last Friday." Between this news and the revelation that Bernie had a 20-year affair that no one knew about, the made-for-TV Madoff movie is getting spicier by the day, isn't it? [NYP, WSJ]

A lady named Sheryl Weinstein—who helped a charity sink $40 million into Bernie Madoff's funds—is writing a book about her (sordid?) affair with Bernie. The big winner here: Ruth Madoff.

• After 37 years in business—and following several lease extensions—La Goulue on Madison Avenue will close its doors on Aug. 26. The owners say they're still hoping to reopen it somewhere else in the neighborhood. [NYT]
• Further evidence that this is a really tough time for media companies: The New York Times has licensed its name to a new wine club. [Reuters, release]
• Simon Hammerstein is hoping to revive The Box with some new talent. Joey Arias will be taking over hosting duties beginning next month. [P6]
• Like the many critics before him, New York's Adam Platt doesn't go easy on Monkey Bar: "A-list connections can't cover for D-grade cooking." [NYM]

Bernie Madoff had an affair, allegedly! With one of his victims! Who now hates him! And is writing a book!

There are about 20 books about Bernie Madoff scheduled to be published over the next few months. Let's hope only one gets into what Bernie was like in bed. Cheryl Weinstein, who says she lost her entire life savings to the fraudster, plans to detail an affair she supposedly had with Madoff in her upcoming book, Madoff's Other Secret: Love, Money, Bernie, and Me. And according to a spokesman for St. Martin's Press, in addition to details of the affair, "the hardcover book will include photographs and some intimate descriptions of Madoff." [Bloomberg]

Yesterday Frank DiPascali, one of Bernie Madoff's closest aides since the mid-1970s, pled guilty to 10 felony counts and in the process offered up details on how he helped Madoff screw hundreds with their multi-billion dollar swindle.

Bernie Madoff's right-hand man, Frank DiPascali, will joining his former boss behind bars in the near future. The former chief financial officer of Madoff's investment firm, DiPascali pleaded guilty this afternoon to all the counts against him, including securities fraud, falsifying records and international money laundering, as part of a deal with prosecutors. "Mr. DiPascali said at the plea hearing that the transactions were "all fake. It was all fictitious. It was wrong, and I knew it was wrong at the time." [WSJ]

Why didn't the SEC catch Bernie Madoff's humongous decades-long superscam earlier? Because they were too dazzled with his fancy offices, allegedly. You can see why!

Why didn't the authorities catch Bernie Madoff sooner than they did? According to Andrew Kirtzman, the author of the book, Betrayal: The Life and Lies of Bernie Madoff, it was Bernie's taste for fine design that kept regulators from noticing giant Ponzi scheme staring them in the face:

Last December, when Bernie Madoff's victim list was made public, we learned about Daily News publisher Mort Zuckerman's "significant exposure" to the swindler's Ponzi scheme, about $30-million in "significant exposure" to be exact. Now the pain is really setting in.

Victims of Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme may have to wait 15 years before all of his assets are accounted for and re-distributed. Serving as the court-appointed receiver or trustee assigned to wind down a Ponzi scheme? That may be one of the most lucrative assignments around.

It may take 15 years for Madoff victims to get their full payouts. Budget now!