• Bank of America landed $20 billion in additional aid to help it absorb Merrill Lynch. It also posted a loss of $1.79 billion for the fourth quarter. [NYT, WSJ]
• Citigroup reported an $8.29 billion quarterly loss. The beleaguered bank also said it plans to reorganize the company into two business units. [WSJ, NYT]
• UBS is selling parts of its commodities business to Barclays. [FT]
• AIG is paying a total of $619 million to retain employees. [NYP]
• Morgan Stanley and Citi are pulling clients' money from a fund run by Union Bancaire Privée, after it was exposed to Bernie Madoff. [DB]
• Citi is hiring! And you thought it was only laying people off these days. [NYP]

Is it possible the board of 133 East 64th Street will eject Bernie Madoff from the co-op? It's possible, but don't count on it, says Braden Keil. David Brooks, the former CEO of body-armor maker DHB Industries who was charged with conspiracy and insider trading in late 2007—he was accused of using $10 million of company money to pay for his daughter's bat mitzvah, among other things—was supposedly booted from One Beacon Court late last year, although he remains in the building. Here's a thought: If prosecutors are so determined to put Madoff in jail pending trial, maybe they could encourage the co-op board to kick him out, send a city marshall to his door to enforce the eviction, and then arrest him for violating his bail by stepping out of his building? Et voila!

We all know Bernie Madoff scammed people out of billions, for years. What about his immediate family members, who were all working for him? Essential facts below:

• Gannett, the largest newspaper publisher in the U.S., is forcing thousands fo employees to a week of unpaid leave. [NYT]
• The NYT-owned Boston Globe is cutting its staff by 12 percent. [NYT]
• Penthouse is laying off staff. [Portfolio]
• Newspapers are saving money by outsourcing foreign news coverage. [WSJ]
• Hope you're interested in reading lots more about Bernie Madoff. There are a total of eight books about him now in the pipeline. [NYO]
• Here's something you didn't expect to hear: A recent study finds that commercials actually make watching TV more enjoyable. [AdFreak]

Per the Times today, we're pleased to present you with a very tasty stop on the Bernie Madoff Tour of Manhattan, the restaurant Primola on the Upper East Side. According to the owner, the Madoffs turned up here once or twice a week for the past 22 years, always insisting on a "quiet table in the back." And while there are no pork sausages on the menu—Bernie's favorite—New York has great things to say about the veal scallopine and bistecca fiorentina perfumed with rosemary, garlic, and olive oil.

There's a new Madoff-related scandal! It turns out that Bernie's wife, Ruth Madoff, who published a cookbook in 1996 with the unoriginal title The Great Chefs of America Cook Kosher: Over 175 Recipes From America's Greatest Restaurants, didn't actually write the book herself. She paid someone else to do it: "Mrs. Madoff was interested in having her name on something that would allow for some sort of fun." We're as stunned as you are, we're sure. [NYT]

[Ponzi ponce Bernie Madoff arrives at Manhattan Federal Court today for a bail hearing (Update: He's not going to jail) , wearing a bulletproof vest; image via Splash]

Thousands of attorneys have lost their jobs as the economy has spiraled downward in recent months. One group who won't be unemployed in the near future (and probably won't be seeing their husbands and wives much either): The ones who have been retained to defend Bernie Madoff and the men who showered him with cash, people like Walter Noel, Ezra Merkin, and Bob Jaffe. This week, Noel's hedge fund, Fairfield Greenwich, was sued for a third time in as many weeks. The plaintiffs in the most recent suit include several anonymous offshore trusts and a Mexican businessman by the name of Carlos Gauch. But they've lined up a star attorney, David Boies of Boies, Schiller & Flexner, to make Noel's life miserable. Just in case you don't have anything better to do this evening, you can look over the most recent legal assault on Noel after the jump.

Bernie Madoff just left for court for a 2:30 bail hearing. Media mayhem ensued! Police on the ground! Helicopters in the sky! A financial charlatan's drive to court is cable news' OJ car chase, 2009.

A judge denied an appeal by federal prosecutors to revoke Bernie Madoff's bail and send him to jail pending trial. He should be back at 133 East 64th Street for afternoon tea. The judge did impose several new bail requirements, however: Madoff's possessions at each of his various homes around the world—not just his NYC apartment—will now be inventoried. Looks like a lucky federal employee is getting a free trip to St. Tropez! [Bloomberg]

Did Bernie Madoff steal your life savings or bankrupt your non-profit organization? Are you Mort Zuckerman or Steven Spielberg? We're here to help! If you happen to be a gun enthusiast—or you enjoy the occasional game of darts—we've created a Bernie "silhouette" for you to use the next time you head to the range or bar. You'll be pleased to hear that it conforms to the National Rifle Association's official standards for indoor/outdoor target practice. (Well, except for Bernie's head, which was our doing and hopefully won't lead any gun-toting members of the NRA to come after us.) And you can use the little scorecard in the corner to track your performance! Your anger will dissipate in no time! Click here for a larger picture of the silhouette, although if you're planning to actually use this at a gun range, you'll need to download a lifesize version, which you can do right here. Oh, and if you don't have a firearm or a gun license but you'd still like to take a shot at Bernie, give the West Side Rifle & Pistol Range a call. For $65, they'll let you shoot off 50 rounds under the watchful eye of an instructor. And they allow you to bring your own targets, too!

Patrick Swayze is battling a reportedly rapidly-advancing disease beyond his control while young heiresses Courtenay Semel is viciously fighting with her heiress ex for no real reason whatsoever.

Bernie Madoff left his apartment a couple of minutes ago to head downtown to Manhattan federal court. (Unfortunately, the windows of his SUV were covered up, so the dozens of reporters freezing their butts off outside 133 East 64th Street, were once again denied a photo op.) He'll find out where he will be sleeping tonight when he faces a judge at 2:30pm.

Robert Jaffe helped steer millions of dollars into the hands of Bernie Madoff. Yesterday he was scheduled to meet with officials in Massachussetts as part of an investigation into Madoff's massive Ponzi scheme. Jaffe didn't show up, though: His lawyer claimed he was under the weather. So we'll go ahead and assume that the man seen leaving his Palm Beach house yesterday in a black Navigator was just his doctor making a house call. [NYSD, last item]

• Citigroup announced yesterday that it would sell a majority stake in Smith Barney to Morgan Stanley, but more change is on the way: The bank is expected to dump two consumer finance units as well as its "private-label" credit card business, which means now your Save the Whales Mastercard is in jeopardy, too. [WSJ, NYT]
• Deutsche Bank reported a loss of $6.3 billion in the fourth quarter. [BN]
• HSBC may need $30 billion to stay afloat. [DB]
• Nortel Networks has filed for bankruptcy protection. [BN]
• Just in case it wasn't eminently clear by all the bad news above, today is expected to be a pretty bad day in the markets. [WSJ]
• Marcus Schrenker was caught last night, but there's a new financial exec to add to the fugitive list: Ex-UBS exec Raoul Weil is now a wanted man. [NYT]
• Bernie Madoff will be in court in person later today when a judge considers an appear from prosecutors who want to imprison Madoff pending trial. [BN]
• Robert Jaffe, the Madoff middleman who failed to show up to meet with regulators yesterday, says he missed the meeting because he's sick. [WSJ]
• More on Tim Geithner's little tax problem. [NYT]

If there's one thing we can learn from the events of the past few months, it's this: If you insist on going fishing, leave your digital camera at home. Because whether you're the son of an admitted con artist, the clueless governor of Alaska, or the "financial genius" at a bank on the verge of going bust, the photo of you holding up your catch will almost certainly be used against you in the court of public opinion. Better yet, give up fishing altogether. When's the last time you saw a photo of a disgraced politician or mogul carrying a squash racquet?

Yesterday $50 billion thief Bernie Madoff won the right to stay home on house arrest. And the public might not even get the satisfaction of a trial; Bernie is reportedly seeking a plea deal.

Were you hoping to see Bernie Madoff stand trial? Don't get your hopes up. His lawyer is reportedly talking to federal prosecutors about a plea deal whereby Madoff "would agree to plead guilty in exchange for some type of leniency." [NYT]

Uniball figures that between the Madoff scandal, mortgage crisis and high-pitched Law & Order cop S. Epatha Merkerson, it will sell a metric fuckton of pens to panicked individual investors. So it shot the ad below. As Videogum notes, it is heart-poundingly terrifying, for a ballpoint pen ad.

It looks like Bernie Madoff isn't out of the woods just yet. Federal prosecutors said late this afternoon that they plan to appeal the ruling allowing Bernie to remain free on bail and asked for a stay until an appeal could be considered. The judge consented and said his order would be stayed until 1pm on Wednesday. The letter from the prosecution is after the jump. [Bloomberg]