Congressman Dan Burton today, at the vitally important Congressional hearings on Yankee pitcher Roger Clemens' alleged steroid use, was all, "Damn this trial-by-media thing is so messed up, innocent until proven guilty, everybody point your camera at me as I drone on about the outrageous media circus here." Click to watch the video, in which he comes off entirely like a greasy small-town lawyer who just landed a big case and is trying to act like everything is normal. But our question is, what's up with his teeth? The top row just looks like a porcelain mouthguard in there.

Potential tabloid sports shocker! The Post stumbled onto a YouTube video of Mets' pitching ace Pedro Martinez presiding over a cockfight in the Dominican Republic. In a sinister twist, the video has now been pulled, and the owner of the blog that posted it did not immediately respond to the Post's emails. WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED? The Daily News was lagging on the story as of early this morning, meaning the Post is bound to hype it up as much as possible while they still have the competitive advantage. Just look at how much mileage the Atlanta papers (and everybody else) got out of the Michael Vick dogfighting scandal. But ask yourself, before the hysteria strikes: Is this story really a big deal?

EXTENDED BASEBALL METAPHOR EXPLAINS EVERYTHING TERRIBLE ABOUT RUDY GIULIANI! "For most of Giuliani's life, the Yankees have been the richest, most powerful, and usually winningest team in baseball. Yet the ultimate fan of baseball's biggest overdog thinks he's a brave, oppressed partisan of an underdog. Giuliani won back the city from the mongrel hordes—the descendants of Brooklyn Dodgers fans—and now he's proposing to win back the world for America." [NYM]

Here's the image that the Times got when it hired Bob Kessel to illustrate an article about "kantoku shou," the Japanese tradition of rewarding baseball players with gifts (including cash) for superior performance. It's pretty good: Rising sun? Check! Bowing? Check! Slanty eyes? Check! In fact, the only bit we're missing is a bowl of rice and a samurai sword. Nice! Click to enlarge.

More Than a Handshake Deal for Japanese Baseball Players [NYT]

You may recall our World Series wager with Will Leitch of Deadspin: Should Leitch's Cardinals win it all, we'd do a full day of his posts on the sports site in addition to our duties here, while if our Tigers prevailed Will would be forced to do twenty-four posts in a day across the sites. Well, after last night's 5-4 Cardinals victory, it's looking increasingly likely that you're stuck with us. Yeah, you gotta believe, anything could happen, teams have come back from bigger deficits before, etc.; barring inclement weather the whole thing will be over one way or the other by Sunday. We're reminding you of this bet not to elicit any sympathy for our plight (don't worry about us, we've got a shoebox full of crank and a copy of The Sporting News) but as a warning: Should we, in fact, be manning both helms on Tuesday we have a very strong suspicion that Deadspin's commenters will be following us over here and, to be frank, those people are animals. Be prepared.

So if you're a New York baseball fan of any variety your last remaining postseason hopes died last night on Carlos Beltran's called third strike. But fear not, New Yorkers: Much like walking angioplasty advertisement Tommy Lasorda, we're here to tell you that even though the Mets and Yankees are out of the playoffs, you still have a reason to watch the World Series. As it turns out, an editor of this site is, for reasons too complicated and extensive to go into here, a longtime fan of the Detroit Tigers. The editor of Deadspin (pictured above), Gawker Media's sports blog, is, for reasons of geography, a fan of the St. Louis Cardinals, Motown's Series rival. Much like publicity-seeking big city mayors who engage in jerkoff bets in the hopes of favorable news coverage, these two editors have also engaged in a wager, the terms of which are this: The editor whose team loses the Fall Classic will, on the Tuesday after the competition's conclusion, be forced to cover not only his own site's post requirements, but additionally pick up the other guy's posts for the day. So if you hate our guts and would much prefer to have the dynamic Mr. Leitch guest here for a day, you'll be rooting for the Tigers. Conversely, should you wish to see how we handle pictures of drunken backup QBs, you'll be pulling for the Cardinals. Who will prevail? Will it be Balk and human chimney Jimmy Leyland of the Tigers or Leitch and Tony "My only World Series win required an act of God" LaRussa of the Cards? Ultimately, the only real losers are the readers.

The Newark Bears, whose previous promotion (a "Bird Flu Awareness Night" featuring a chicken wing eating contest) caused much mirth in these quarters, are at it again: This Friday is Britney Spears Baby Safety Night. What does such an evening consist of? Full, hilarious details after the jump. We're almost considering going to Newark. But, you know, no.