♦ Madonna and A-Rod are reportedly shopping for "love nests" on the Upper East Side. They're looking for something between Fifth and Park, from 60th Street through the 80s, in case you have any suggestions. Oh, and they're looking for retreats in Hamptons, too. [P6]
♦ The blame game begins: Ivana's friends say her split with Rossano Rubicondi was his fault because he's been dating a model. Rossano, meanwhile, says Ivana is to blame because she's been dating a model. [R&M]
♦ Robert and Blaine Trump are scheduled to make their first appearance in Manhattan Supreme Court this morning as the couple looks to end their 25-year marriage. Prepare for things to get "exceptionally ugly." [NYP]
♦ Uma Thurman's parents unknowingly hired one of the bookers from Ashley Dupre's escort agency to run their upstate yoga center. [NYP]

Clearly, the most pressing aspect of President-elect Barack Obama's transition is what kind of freaking puppy he will be getting his daughters Malia and Sasha — and everyone's weighing in with their opinion. Frequent watchers of The View know that Barbara Walters is borderline obsessive about imploring the Obamas to adopt a pooch similar to her Havanese dog Cha Cha (short for "Cha Cha Cha," natch), so when it was announced that Walters would be interviewing the couple for a special to air this week, we immediately combed through the transcript to see if she would take the opportunity to push Cha Cha on them once more.

Though Barbara Walters has a long, enviable list of powerful men she's interviewed, she has an even longer, even enviable-r list of men she's conquered in the boudoir. Alan Greenspan! Roy Cohn! That one married senator guy! Why, it's a black book that could make even Angelina Jolie weep into her Hot Pocket. Lately, though, Walters has become something of a chicken hawk, and after lasciviously asking Michael Phelps about his endowments last month, she turned it up a notch on today's edition of The View.This morning's guest was Simon Baker, star of the only real network success story this season, The Mentalist. Baker's already proved his lady-killing bona fides as the non-Adrian Grenier love interest in The Devil Wears Prada, and his new designation as "Sexiest Blond" in People magazine (combined with his natural Australian accent) caused the ladies on the View couch to spontaneously ovulate. The 79-year-old Walters led the charge, turning Baker's innocent ice cream cone anecdote into an uncomfortable, cunnilingus-inspiring sex fantasy. Is that image more hideous than Whoopi Goldberg's Ugg Boots? You be the judge!

So much has gone down on The View since Rosie O'Donnell quit that it feels like ancient history when O'Donnell reopens those old wounds for some extra publicity, but we made an exception yesterday because her reaction video to Barbara Walters's smackdown was succinct and cute. Sadly, if O'Donnell's appearance on Conan last night is any indication, the View-Bashing Express in her head is running on a circular track.Instead of coming up with some new jokes (as we've heard comedians are wont to do), O'Donnell did an almost verbatim reprise of her shtick from the rosie.com video. Intern Stacey Fitzgerald put together a comparison clip above; let's hope that by the time O'Donnell relates this story to Ne-Yo and Liza Minnelli on Rosie Live, she can at least work in a pirate shirt joke or two.

So the, uh, long-awaited interview with Eliot Spitzer's call girl has finally arrived! If this had come out six months ago, you all would have been hanging on her every word; now it's more of a novelty, like meeting Tonya Harding. But there are highlights, and we've collected them in this handy clip! Click to see some ill-advised hooker empathy, the real difference between an "escort" and a "prostitute," and lots of Diane Sawyer's famous "Bitch, what?" face.

Have you heard the wacky news? Rosie O'Donnell and Barbara Walters are "at it again"! No, they're not having creepy lesbian eldersex, they're a'feudin' and a'fightin' all over again. They haven't had a public dust up recently, not since Rosie was fresh off Walters' ladychat Hindenburg The View. Lots of folks seem to be buying into the latest war of words (I'm looking at you, Fox News)—which arose when comedienne Rosie said something about how the camaraderie on the show is false and celebrity interviewer Babs snapped back—but we think it's, well, a hoax. And a pretty obvious one at that. Hell, they have the same publicist, Cindy Berger from PMK/HBH. She probably got them on some sweaty, wheezy conference call and told them that since RoRo needed to promote her new Ed Sullivan-esque variety hour and Babs needed some View coverage since the election ended and lil' squeakers Elisabeth Hasselbeck no longer has Issues to spew her poison candy about, they should have a fake fight and get some attention. This whole thing just reeks of PR stuntery. Like the whole supposedly nasty Madonna/Guy Ritchie divorce, which ended quickly now that she's got just three US dates left on her tour and his RockNRolla has already opened in theaters. Or Andy Samberg and Mark Wahlberg, who had a staged animosity to get some sweet ass SNL ratings. And it doesn't really hurt anyone at this point, because neither of them, especially Walters, really has any credibility left to debase. Which makes the whole thing just a bit sad. Ah well.

Reaction Shots: This morning, Barbara Walters chastised Rosie O'Donnell for continuing to perpetuate a feud with the ladies of The View. Later today, in a video on Rosie.com, O'Donnell continued to perpetuate a feud with the ladies of The View. The clip, after the jump: [Rosie.com]

While promoting her upcoming variety show Rosie Live yesterday, Rosie O'Donnell shocked exactly no one by dishing dirt on her former View cohosts. “[Barbara Walters] wanted everyone to believe and think and act as if we get along and are really good friends and happy and hang out together, and, you know, that’s just not the reality," O'Donnell said. “I’m not saying they loathe each other, but the fact of the matter is, there was not a lot of camaraderie off camera.” We've heard similar stories, but O'Donnell's comments at least compelled the co-hosts to summon some on-screen camaraderie today in order to denounce both Rosie and intermittent Barbara-basher Star Jones. Sadly, we fear that their ridiculously transparent "The Former Co-hosts Who Must Not Be Named" shtick will only open the door for a publicity-hungry Debbie Matenopolous to attempt an unsolicited, aggrieved rebuttal in the pages of Life & Style.

• Rosie O'Donnell, contradicting Barbara Walters' rosy description of relations on The View: "I'm not saying they loathe each other, but the fact of the matter is, there was not a lot of camaraderie off camera." [LAT]

Our operative on The View has informed us that in an attempt to curb the audience negativity toward Elisabeth Hasselbeck that's built up over the last political season, producers are encouraging her to host fluffier segments (like bargain shopping and makeovers!) and to discuss her family more on-air. Sadly, Hasselbeck's attempt to do the latter on today's edition resulted in husband-directed hysteria pitched at a level where only dogs and William Ayers can hear.While recounting a story about how her husband Tim simply wouldn't brave a long holiday line to buy some $6.99 napkins (But the bargain, Tim! It was so relatable!), Hasselbeck immediately began to flail and rewrite her marriage vows on-air. "Ohhh," moans an attempting-to-sympathize Barbara Walters, while secretly thinking, "You don't have people for that? Why, once I was at a dinner party hosted by Henry Kissinger and Chita Rivera, and I sent this kind cater-waiter out to procure the cannelloni au gratin for me at Sardi's. I tipped him with a signed headshot and a two-dollar bill, as was the custom at the time."

No Limitations! It only took twelve years, but the last week of The View finally put the program over the top to become the highest-rated show in daytime. In particular, the November 5 edition attracted the show's biggest audience ever (6.2 million), no doubt fueled by interest in Elisabeth Hasselbeck's concession speech the day after Barack Obama's historic presidential victory. When reached for comment, Hasselbeck responded, "William Ayers?" [Variety]

After Barbara Walters spilled the beans yesterday to her fellow Viewesses that Thomas Beatie—aka Coney Island's World Famous Pregnant Man ("$1 Gets A Glimpse At God's Pickle-Craving Mistake!")—was heavy with yet another biologically improbable child, the shit really hit the fan. They've had 24 hours to absorb the news, however, and today were ready to really tackle the nitty-gritty of this procreative mind-twister. In Part One, above, Walters describes the logistics of F2M sex, which she summarized in six reverberating words that could drain much of the hope-capital amassed in recent weeks: "The testosterone made his clitoris lahger." After the jump, the group tries to figure out how Beatie's wife ended up lactating when her husband did all the childbearing heavy-lifting. Of course, none of this is virgin territory for Walters, who memorably profiled grade school transgenders—one she sensitively described as "a girl with a dick"—in her legendary 20/20 special, My Secret Self.

You really have to sympathize with The View's braintrust, whose knowledge of topics like arts and science, current events, and the general shape of the planet is mostly limited to whatever producers can fit on a 5x8 cue card. Watching them try to argue the fundamental issues behind the Prop 8 firestorm is about as productive as watching four black-crested macaques change a spare tire—you know they'll get there eventually, but you're looking at many grueling hours of mutual nit-picking before they do.So when the group's impotent disciplinarian Barbara Walters returned from a recent interview with the World Famous Pregnant Man™ bearing the earth-shattering scoop that HE IS PREGNANT AGAIN, one can only imagine how quickly things devolved. The bombshell sucked the show into a Bermuda Triangle vortex of shock and confusion, tethered at each corner by the hosts' tenuous yet deeply passionate takes on hot topics like marriage, gender, and multiple-abortion-having. Words like "floored," "What the Hell Wednesday," and "woooowwwww" are soon lobbed about, until Elisabeth Hasselbeck—go figure!—is the one to finally rein in her wits, boring straight to the crux of this 21st century metaphysical mystery by observing: "Having another baby 10 months from now? That is hard work. 15 months apart? That's the hardest thing yet!" So true, so very true. [The View]

The View is the strangest show ever. This morning old Barbara Walters joined Elisabeth, Sherri, and Whoopi for a chat about Thomas Beatie, that sorta fame-hungry female-to-male transsexual who gave birth to a child five months ago. And she gushingly revealed that the fellow is pregnant again! Watch as Sherri Shepherd's mind is blown to the four corners of this flat Earth of ours. Squirm as Elisabeth Hasselbeck tries to act as with-it and progressive as possible while all she clearly wants to do is throw up and weepily call her bestie Sarah Palin on the phone to tell her what freaks weirdos can be. And then feel bad for everyone because the whole stunned affair just reeks of circus side show and, as jarring (yes, I admit it) as the whole story is, the man and his family deserve far better. Clip is above.

Can you pick out the ex-husband of the actress, socialite, singer, TV talk show host, political fundraiser, and magazine editor? Click on "More" for the answers.

Who would've thunk it: apparently, The View's dunderheaded, error-ridden discussion of California's Proposition 8 didn't go over so well with the gay community! On today's show, Whoopi Goldberg divulged that the co-hosts had received angry phone calls from both GLAAD and Ellen DeGeneres in the wake of Friday's conversation. Unfortunately, Goldberg's list of errata and fact checks didn't stop Sherri Shepherd and Elisabeth Hasselbeck from committing a few more blunders.

Lucky hosted its fifth annual "Lucky Shops" last night inside the Metropolitan Pavilion. Lucky editor Kim France and publisher Gina Sanders welcomed Leighton Meester, Jessica Szohr, Georgina Chapman, Katrina Bowden, Alexandra Richards, Charlotte Ronson, Thalia, Beverly Johnson, Ginny Barber, and Michaela McManus, who all did a little shopping to benefit the Robin Hood Foundation. [The Daily, PMc, Wireimage]

Yes, we know, Sherri Shepherd used to think the earth was flat, and thus, we never should have put too much stock in her opinions. Still, it was hard, America! She really appeared to be trying, often showing up with research, shouting down false statements made by Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and then finally earning our affection with a tremendously affecting Obamalogue this past Wednesday. Sadly, the good times could not last, as Shepherd wandered back into the wilds of ignorance for today's View discussion of Proposition 8.Without Joy Behar around to rebut her, Shepherd ran rampant, tossing out right-wing talking points about the proposition (which took away the marriage rights awarded to gay Californians) like they were so many Sherri coins. First, she insists that without Prop 8, her pastor could have been sent to jail for preaching against homosexuality. Either she's referring to Swedish pastor Ake Green who was convicted, then acquitted of "hate speech" (under, y'know, Swedish laws) and became a religious cause celebre, or she's bringing up the falsehood that churches would be sued for not performing same-sex marriage. Just like they get sued so much when Jews want to marry in the Mormon temple! Oh wait, that doesn't happen. Barbara Walters attempts a weak rebuttal, but the audience is on Sherri's side. Eventually, even Whoopi concedes that if civil unions were strengthened until they reached a point that seems awfully separate but equal to our ears, maybe the gays would be happy and stop fighting so much. Or not! Clip above.

If there's been anything more contentious and exhausting than the battle to become the nation's next president, it has been The View's high-octane coverage of the election. Emotions still ran high on today's show, as an overcome Sherri Shepherd cried on camera about the impact of Barack Obama's victory. Before that, though, Barbara Walters turned to Elisabeth Hasselbeck and rightly noted, "All eyes are gonna be on you."

Compared to its Tina Fey-scripted, Debbie Matenopolous-spoofing skits of yore, Saturday Night Live's parody of The View this week felt awfully underpopulated. On today's actual episode of the daytime chat show, the ladies speculated as to why SNL left out two-fifths of the show's hosts, leading Sherri Shepherd to conclude, "I think they ran out of blacks!"Of course, Shepherd's theory is only bolstered by the fact that SNL can't cover Michelle Obama unless Maya Rudolph's got a free weekend, but later in the show, head writer Seth Meyers came out to do some damage control. "Next time we do it...Sherri, you can come and play yourself," he offered. Is there no end to SNL's 30 Rock poaching? Somewhere, we imagine that an exhausted Tina Fey just muttered "Blergh" and collapsed into her Sabor de Soledad.